Without naming names or specific occurrences, it's difficult to properly express my frustration and sorrow at recent events. I have to make the attempt though; it's killing me not being able to talk about it.
The feelings of my friends, people I've known for years and would never wish harm on, were nonetheless emotionally harmed by my actions. I do have an excuse--I was told something of a falsehood, or maybe I just misunderstood something my wife said--but I'm sure that knowledge doesn't ease the burn to those involved, and I'm not one these days for making excuses anyway. This was my fault. I should have done some fact-checking or something. Anything to avert this disaster.
The summary is basically this: I was under the impression that my wife wanted to pursue a friendship with my friend, but I was mistaken. This obviously resulted in an explosion of social awkwardness and frustration when the two approached one another about it. The details are well-known to all involved, so I don't need to go into them.
What I *do* need to do is apologize for my role in this. I made a mistake and inadvertently hurt my friend deeply. It quite nearly caused her husband to cut ties with me altogether; it required a copious amount of begging on my part to get him to even talk to me again. But I groveled and scraped until he spoke to me, and it was worth it.
I'd do about anything to make up for this. I just wish I knew what it was I needed to do.
30 October 2008
27 October 2008
Mac'burger
Well, I didn't want to say I told you so, but I did. Not long after my wife got the chance to work with an iMac for an extended period of time, she was wanting one. It comes as no surprise to me, of course. The iMac is a masterwork when it comes to ease-of-use and media presentation. It is a lovingly-crafted thing of technological beauty, and I'm glad she has it.
Here's the key: I bought it for her. She actually tried to stop me. (Admittedly, she didn't try very hard to prevent it, but still... ;) ) I did it because I want her to have all of the right tools to fully realize her ability. I would never have purchased it for her if I did not whole-heartedly believe in her talent. So, there you are my dear. Your husband believes in you.
In other news, there was Rock Band, Soul Calibur, and pizza last night as we spent time with my brother, who will likely be on a boat in the ocean for the next six years, starting this Wednesday. Much salute to Christopher Mack, now a Navy man. I'll miss you, bro. Be safe out there.
Book news: Outline in my head is complete. Starting tonight, while my wife does her homework, I will be working on my first draft of the detailed, printed outline. This is turning into a much larger project than I ever imagined, vast in scope. I will need to do all of the correct preparation for it.
I had to listen to the downer-rap from my dad while I was getting the oil changed in my wife's car yesterday, though. If you've never heard of it, it goes something like this:
"Well, you know writing a best seller is like getting into the NBA, right? Very few make it, it's a tiny group, you're going to need to have a plan for your future as well, your career, yadda yadda yadda..."
It goes on, but the whole thing basically consists of a series of down-to-earth statements that, while true and make perfectly reasonable sense, do little to inspire. I know he's trying to be helpful, but come on. I already have those concepts firmly in hand. The last thing a writer needs to hear while he's creating is his father's voice in his head, saying he is probably and essentially wasting his time. It's hard enough to not think like that when you're on your own. It's far harder still to have to hear it from a person you love, a lifelong authority figure whose opinion you value over all others.
I've told him, told them both for my mother does it too, not to talk to me like that but they keep on bringing it up. The worst part is, every time I hear this rap from either of them I can literally *feel* my steam running out. Add to that my job, which is mindless and does little for me besides pay the bills and melt my brain, and it would seem all of fate is against me in this endeavor.
Here's the key: I bought it for her. She actually tried to stop me. (Admittedly, she didn't try very hard to prevent it, but still... ;) ) I did it because I want her to have all of the right tools to fully realize her ability. I would never have purchased it for her if I did not whole-heartedly believe in her talent. So, there you are my dear. Your husband believes in you.
In other news, there was Rock Band, Soul Calibur, and pizza last night as we spent time with my brother, who will likely be on a boat in the ocean for the next six years, starting this Wednesday. Much salute to Christopher Mack, now a Navy man. I'll miss you, bro. Be safe out there.
Book news: Outline in my head is complete. Starting tonight, while my wife does her homework, I will be working on my first draft of the detailed, printed outline. This is turning into a much larger project than I ever imagined, vast in scope. I will need to do all of the correct preparation for it.
I had to listen to the downer-rap from my dad while I was getting the oil changed in my wife's car yesterday, though. If you've never heard of it, it goes something like this:
"Well, you know writing a best seller is like getting into the NBA, right? Very few make it, it's a tiny group, you're going to need to have a plan for your future as well, your career, yadda yadda yadda..."
It goes on, but the whole thing basically consists of a series of down-to-earth statements that, while true and make perfectly reasonable sense, do little to inspire. I know he's trying to be helpful, but come on. I already have those concepts firmly in hand. The last thing a writer needs to hear while he's creating is his father's voice in his head, saying he is probably and essentially wasting his time. It's hard enough to not think like that when you're on your own. It's far harder still to have to hear it from a person you love, a lifelong authority figure whose opinion you value over all others.
I've told him, told them both for my mother does it too, not to talk to me like that but they keep on bringing it up. The worst part is, every time I hear this rap from either of them I can literally *feel* my steam running out. Add to that my job, which is mindless and does little for me besides pay the bills and melt my brain, and it would seem all of fate is against me in this endeavor.
20 October 2008
Code Monkey Go to Job
All right... now the for-reals post. The thing about The Force Unleashed was not news about me; it was simply a rant, a way to vent my ire at having those hours of my days wasted in such a manner. This post will actually be about consequential matters.
Last Thursday I came home from work at about 10:00 after being violently ill at my stomach. This continued in bouts for the next two days, keeping me home from work and largely confined to either bed or couch. Sleep was lost due to waking up in the middle of the night to throw up a few times. I could eat nothing, which didn't matter because I didn't want to anyway. I had a high fever and I ached everywhere. Mayo Clinic website suggests food poisoning. I find this likely; no one else in my family or anyone at work is sick or getting sick.
To sum up: My weekend was not fun.
Now, having said that, it did give me some time to bang on the outline for my book a little. In my head; I have not put this thing on paper just yet. This is a new project. I might have mentioned it before, but the fantasy-esque item I was writing has now taken back seat to other ideas in my head, perhaps forever. It was never a particularly inspired tale; I invented it out of necessity. None of my sci-fi yarns wanted to jump up and fly, so I thought perhaps a change of tactics was in order. The trouble was, once I changed tactics, nothing came to me. I had no inspiration. So I forced a tale into existence that was, sorry to say, fairly typical and lame. I then tried to breathe life into it, make it not so typical, not so lame, make it feel like something that well and truly came from me. I have had, as yet, few successes in that direction.
So I'm going to try to start something new. I had an idea for a story centering around a computer programmer (a code monkey if you will) who works a pretty normal desk job, but suddenly starts to see in his code strange patterns that appear to point to future events in various parts of the world. The hints make no sense at all until the events happen, and no one he shows these things to can see the pattern he sees. Suspense thriller ensues.
We'll see where this goes.
Last Thursday I came home from work at about 10:00 after being violently ill at my stomach. This continued in bouts for the next two days, keeping me home from work and largely confined to either bed or couch. Sleep was lost due to waking up in the middle of the night to throw up a few times. I could eat nothing, which didn't matter because I didn't want to anyway. I had a high fever and I ached everywhere. Mayo Clinic website suggests food poisoning. I find this likely; no one else in my family or anyone at work is sick or getting sick.
To sum up: My weekend was not fun.
Now, having said that, it did give me some time to bang on the outline for my book a little. In my head; I have not put this thing on paper just yet. This is a new project. I might have mentioned it before, but the fantasy-esque item I was writing has now taken back seat to other ideas in my head, perhaps forever. It was never a particularly inspired tale; I invented it out of necessity. None of my sci-fi yarns wanted to jump up and fly, so I thought perhaps a change of tactics was in order. The trouble was, once I changed tactics, nothing came to me. I had no inspiration. So I forced a tale into existence that was, sorry to say, fairly typical and lame. I then tried to breathe life into it, make it not so typical, not so lame, make it feel like something that well and truly came from me. I have had, as yet, few successes in that direction.
So I'm going to try to start something new. I had an idea for a story centering around a computer programmer (a code monkey if you will) who works a pretty normal desk job, but suddenly starts to see in his code strange patterns that appear to point to future events in various parts of the world. The hints make no sense at all until the events happen, and no one he shows these things to can see the pattern he sees. Suspense thriller ensues.
We'll see where this goes.
18 October 2008
The Force Unplugged
Let's talk about The Force Unleashed for a few minutes.
I want to outline the pros of the game first, since it's such a short list, and then move on to the cons, which will make up the considerably meatier part of this entry.
Pros:
- Several aspects of the game are visually stunning
- Some of the Force Powers are cool
- Excellent physics engine
That's it. That's all the game has going for it. It fails in every other department.
The control is twitchy and ragged, the camera is inexcusably wonky, and not a level went by wherein I didn't ask myself one of the following questions:
"WTF is going on?"
"What just killed me?"
"Where is he? WHERE?"
"How is this even remotely fair?"
"Who designed this level?"
Various others, all similar in scope. Oh, and to anyone who might be reading this and thinking, "Well, he just sucks," let me assure you that I do *not*. I'm 28 years of age, I've been playing video games since I was 6 or maybe younger. I'm a gamer for most of my life at this point. I don't suck. The game does. It's stupid, and the people who like it are also stupid. Simple as that.
Each stage has at least one room in which you enter, and there are guys with sniper rifles, heat-seeking missile launchers, repeating laser cannon, and huge stomping monsters or machines shooting anti-material rounds or throwing rocks or anything else. They can all shoot you at the same time, they can all kick you when you're down, and you frequently find yourself out of life before you can even blink. What is more, and interestingly enough, there is surprisingly little in your arsenal of Force powers to counteract any of this. So you are left with only one strategy: Suck it up. Take your unfair death on the chin, let the game load your last save, and try again. And again. And again, however many times it takes for you to get lucky and make it through.
As bad as that was, the story somehow managed to be worse, and that was the part I really cared about. First, it's too short. It seems large portions of it were cut, and the parts they left in were lousy. The scenes in which character development and plot motion were supposed to be taking place are far too short. There was some serious potential for meat here, but they skimped. Anything that might have been said or done that might have been interesting was crammed into a minute-long max space for each scene. The only reason I can even begin to discern for this was, they were afraid the "gogogokillkillkill" type gamer that doesn't care about story would have gotten bored.
A good example: In one scene, our hero discovers his home on Kashyyyk, a place he has not seen or set foot in since he was two years old. Your mentor advises you over the radio: "Don't go in there. You'll be alone against whatever you face." Fantastic, sounds like a great time to build some storypoints! So he goes in and is confronted by the ghost of his father. The ghost speaks one line, vanishes, and... that's it. Scene over. Back to "gogogokillkillkill"!!!
To hear the people who made it talk, the game was supposed to be about a tragic hero on a path of redemption. That's totally fine by me, I love that kind of story, bring it on. The problem is, we never see anything even remotely like redemption happen to the hero. We're just supposed to guess that it did. In a final scene, you're about to kill the emperor. Your Jedi mentor explains that if you strike him down in anger, you'll be right back where you started. ... Did I ever leave where I started? News to me. All of this death and destruction I'm causing with Dark Side power really strikes me as the kinds of things a redeemed man might do, right? No? Oh well.
Oh, and they went ahead and tacked on a love plot as well. And I mean *literally* tacked on. The girl you see maybe five times in the whole game, all for thirty seconds at the longest length. Their "romance" consists of her giving him status updates over the radio and a few sly smirks here and there. Then, suddenly, before the final level of the game, she's making out with the hero. Wow. Zero to passion in ten seconds. Totally believable.
And the endings, which I am going to go right ahead and spoil, both suck. Seriously. In one you die. In the other you are better off dead and can't be called a real ending; it feels more like a punishment for making a stupid choice than an ending. A lot of game developers are buying into this thing lately: "Hey, let's kill the hero in the end, they'll never see that coming!" OMG Shock! Except... not.
Anti-climatic endings really bring my blood to a boil. I slaved over your crappy game, took one unfair death after another in stride, growled in anger and nearly threw my controller through my TV on more than one occasion, finally get to the end, and... you just kill me? Just like that? I don't even get, like, a saving throw? My God, it's Neverwinter Nights 2 all over again!
I could go on and on. I've vented only a tiny sliver of the ire I hold against The Force Unleashed. I'm so glad I rented. I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever purchase it, or recommend anyone else purchase it. If this were my disc, we'd be finding out just how well it fit in my toaster right now. As it is, I'll be taking it back to Family Video two days early. I do not want it to be in my home any longer than it needs to be.
I want to outline the pros of the game first, since it's such a short list, and then move on to the cons, which will make up the considerably meatier part of this entry.
Pros:
- Several aspects of the game are visually stunning
- Some of the Force Powers are cool
- Excellent physics engine
That's it. That's all the game has going for it. It fails in every other department.
The control is twitchy and ragged, the camera is inexcusably wonky, and not a level went by wherein I didn't ask myself one of the following questions:
"WTF is going on?"
"What just killed me?"
"Where is he? WHERE?"
"How is this even remotely fair?"
"Who designed this level?"
Various others, all similar in scope. Oh, and to anyone who might be reading this and thinking, "Well, he just sucks," let me assure you that I do *not*. I'm 28 years of age, I've been playing video games since I was 6 or maybe younger. I'm a gamer for most of my life at this point. I don't suck. The game does. It's stupid, and the people who like it are also stupid. Simple as that.
Each stage has at least one room in which you enter, and there are guys with sniper rifles, heat-seeking missile launchers, repeating laser cannon, and huge stomping monsters or machines shooting anti-material rounds or throwing rocks or anything else. They can all shoot you at the same time, they can all kick you when you're down, and you frequently find yourself out of life before you can even blink. What is more, and interestingly enough, there is surprisingly little in your arsenal of Force powers to counteract any of this. So you are left with only one strategy: Suck it up. Take your unfair death on the chin, let the game load your last save, and try again. And again. And again, however many times it takes for you to get lucky and make it through.
As bad as that was, the story somehow managed to be worse, and that was the part I really cared about. First, it's too short. It seems large portions of it were cut, and the parts they left in were lousy. The scenes in which character development and plot motion were supposed to be taking place are far too short. There was some serious potential for meat here, but they skimped. Anything that might have been said or done that might have been interesting was crammed into a minute-long max space for each scene. The only reason I can even begin to discern for this was, they were afraid the "gogogokillkillkill" type gamer that doesn't care about story would have gotten bored.
A good example: In one scene, our hero discovers his home on Kashyyyk, a place he has not seen or set foot in since he was two years old. Your mentor advises you over the radio: "Don't go in there. You'll be alone against whatever you face." Fantastic, sounds like a great time to build some storypoints! So he goes in and is confronted by the ghost of his father. The ghost speaks one line, vanishes, and... that's it. Scene over. Back to "gogogokillkillkill"!!!
To hear the people who made it talk, the game was supposed to be about a tragic hero on a path of redemption. That's totally fine by me, I love that kind of story, bring it on. The problem is, we never see anything even remotely like redemption happen to the hero. We're just supposed to guess that it did. In a final scene, you're about to kill the emperor. Your Jedi mentor explains that if you strike him down in anger, you'll be right back where you started. ... Did I ever leave where I started? News to me. All of this death and destruction I'm causing with Dark Side power really strikes me as the kinds of things a redeemed man might do, right? No? Oh well.
Oh, and they went ahead and tacked on a love plot as well. And I mean *literally* tacked on. The girl you see maybe five times in the whole game, all for thirty seconds at the longest length. Their "romance" consists of her giving him status updates over the radio and a few sly smirks here and there. Then, suddenly, before the final level of the game, she's making out with the hero. Wow. Zero to passion in ten seconds. Totally believable.
And the endings, which I am going to go right ahead and spoil, both suck. Seriously. In one you die. In the other you are better off dead and can't be called a real ending; it feels more like a punishment for making a stupid choice than an ending. A lot of game developers are buying into this thing lately: "Hey, let's kill the hero in the end, they'll never see that coming!" OMG Shock! Except... not.
Anti-climatic endings really bring my blood to a boil. I slaved over your crappy game, took one unfair death after another in stride, growled in anger and nearly threw my controller through my TV on more than one occasion, finally get to the end, and... you just kill me? Just like that? I don't even get, like, a saving throw? My God, it's Neverwinter Nights 2 all over again!
I could go on and on. I've vented only a tiny sliver of the ire I hold against The Force Unleashed. I'm so glad I rented. I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever purchase it, or recommend anyone else purchase it. If this were my disc, we'd be finding out just how well it fit in my toaster right now. As it is, I'll be taking it back to Family Video two days early. I do not want it to be in my home any longer than it needs to be.
16 October 2008
Parenteral Politikin'
I've had the opportunity to go over to my mother's house for the last two days in a row. It's worth mentioning that ordinarily, my parents are not very political people. In this instance, though, my entire family is up in arms over the upcoming election. Both nights I was over there, it was impossible to hold a civil conversation with *anyone* due to off-stage debate going on in the living room. Far as I know, nobody in that living room was running for office, but they debated harder and more fiercely than any career politician I've ever laid eyes on, and for far longer than the normally scheduled hour and a half.
It's irritating because I want to see my brother some more before he goes and joins the Navy and is gone from our lives for the next several years, but I don't want to be around the non-stop argument that is going on over there right now. You can't get away from it, either; it's in every room of the house.
Didn't sleep well; too tired to reach a decision right now on what to do about this. Will update this entry later.
It's irritating because I want to see my brother some more before he goes and joins the Navy and is gone from our lives for the next several years, but I don't want to be around the non-stop argument that is going on over there right now. You can't get away from it, either; it's in every room of the house.
Didn't sleep well; too tired to reach a decision right now on what to do about this. Will update this entry later.
13 October 2008
And by this, it is meant that we chill.
The word of the day is "chill."
As in, "to chill out." I need that, my wife's been busy with school, I haven't seen my friends in forever, and my family's got so much stuff going on I barely hear from them. My brother's going into the Navy at the end of the month, it would sure be nice to chill with him for a while before he does that. Some people I work with are somewhat high-strung, I wish *they'd* chill out a bit.
Also as in "feeling a chill." It's freezing in here today, the fan attached to my desk is stuck and I can't turn it off, and I'm not allowed to unplug anything here without someone from maintenance present. Seriously, company paranoia much?
Also, "Chilly." Or perhaps chili. My company is sponsoring a chili cook-off and I've asked Jessica if she'd want to enter hers. Or maybe I just want it, it's been a while and I miss her chili!
As in, "to chill out." I need that, my wife's been busy with school, I haven't seen my friends in forever, and my family's got so much stuff going on I barely hear from them. My brother's going into the Navy at the end of the month, it would sure be nice to chill with him for a while before he does that. Some people I work with are somewhat high-strung, I wish *they'd* chill out a bit.
Also as in "feeling a chill." It's freezing in here today, the fan attached to my desk is stuck and I can't turn it off, and I'm not allowed to unplug anything here without someone from maintenance present. Seriously, company paranoia much?
Also, "Chilly." Or perhaps chili. My company is sponsoring a chili cook-off and I've asked Jessica if she'd want to enter hers. Or maybe I just want it, it's been a while and I miss her chili!
02 October 2008
Your Obsessions
You know, I've never come up with a meme before. I figured since I had a few spare minutes this morning, I'd take a crack at it. This is something of a warm-up meme and includes exactly one question:
List your obsessions.
Yes, that's it. That's all. Just list your weird little quirks. We all have them, and they shouldn't be shunned; they are, after all, what make you who you are. The list can be as long or as short as you want, though if you have just one it might be helpful to include an explanation, or a story about it, or something else to put some meat on it.
* I hate shaving. For a reason I cannot explain, shaving feels to me like I'm placing a tiny sliver of pure hell against my skin and scraping hair off with it. I can do it, but it is most unsettling.
* I sneeze violently and frequently when I'm bored.
* I hate having my hair cut or messed with by anybody but myself. Can't stand it, gives me the creeping heebie jeebies. (One important footnote to this one: In a romantic/sexual situation, this quirk reverses. In those situations, I love having my hair messed with. Just one of those weird flip things. I include this detail primarily for the benefit of anyone I happen to be married to at the moment. ;) )
* When I'm at home, I don't wash my hands after using the restroom. When I'm at work or at a friend/relative's house, I wash them twice.
* I hate it when my feet get hot. When I'm asleep and it gets cold in the room, I'll get under the covers, but my feet will almost always be sticking out.
* I can't stand shoes for the same reason. I hate hot feet. I wear them out of necessity, but if I had my way I'd go barefoot everywhere.
Ok, there's my list. Looking forward to seeing yours. -LoF
List your obsessions.
Yes, that's it. That's all. Just list your weird little quirks. We all have them, and they shouldn't be shunned; they are, after all, what make you who you are. The list can be as long or as short as you want, though if you have just one it might be helpful to include an explanation, or a story about it, or something else to put some meat on it.
* I hate shaving. For a reason I cannot explain, shaving feels to me like I'm placing a tiny sliver of pure hell against my skin and scraping hair off with it. I can do it, but it is most unsettling.
* I sneeze violently and frequently when I'm bored.
* I hate having my hair cut or messed with by anybody but myself. Can't stand it, gives me the creeping heebie jeebies. (One important footnote to this one: In a romantic/sexual situation, this quirk reverses. In those situations, I love having my hair messed with. Just one of those weird flip things. I include this detail primarily for the benefit of anyone I happen to be married to at the moment. ;) )
* When I'm at home, I don't wash my hands after using the restroom. When I'm at work or at a friend/relative's house, I wash them twice.
* I hate it when my feet get hot. When I'm asleep and it gets cold in the room, I'll get under the covers, but my feet will almost always be sticking out.
* I can't stand shoes for the same reason. I hate hot feet. I wear them out of necessity, but if I had my way I'd go barefoot everywhere.
Ok, there's my list. Looking forward to seeing yours. -LoF
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