Ramblings of a Writer

Mash'd Pipe

2009-05-01T04:12:00.000-07:00

I've had woes lately. Woes, I want you to understand, have been inflicted upon my person.

Specifically, said woes center squarely upon the wretches who charge me too much for too little access to the Internet. My service, as it is said in the vernacular, SUCKS. It slows down. It *goes* down. It randomly ceases to talk to certain websites while providing perfect service to others, with no pattern apparent whatsoever.

It was nice--as you can see by clicking here--to see my irritations all expressed in comic form, courtesy of Penny Arcade.

Apparently I'm not alone.

*As a footnote, I'm looking into alternate providers while at the same time trying to get the jack holes who run my connection to look at it to see if maybe there's a problem. I'm not laying my problems on anyone other than to vent a bit. :)

Social Contract

2009-04-27T06:08:00.000-07:00

As I was walking down the hallway here at work, I noticed a woman in front of me. I couldn't help noticing her, wife, sorry.

The problem was this: She was putting *everything* on display. Not intentionally, I'm sure. Her dress was of appropriate cut and length for the workplace. The problem was the material. It was this white, light cotton affair that hung loosely around her shoulders, a summer dress or some such, one that I'm sure felt fantastic in the increasingly humid and warm environment we've got going in this office. However, what I'm sure this woman failed to take into account was the effect of florescent light upon the fabric. Without meaning to, she was flashing every nuance of her body's shape as she walked, as well as advertising her undergarments to the point where I'd recognize her bra and underwear makes if I saw them on the rack at Target.

Now, let me be clear. I understand that this happens to a small degree and in most cases is perfectly acceptable. This was not. She might as well have come in to work wearing a nightie, something provocatively see-through enough to wear on her honeymoon. It was that bad. She may as well have been walking down the hall nude.

This makes me wonder about the practical applications of the typical social contract. I was in possession of information that this woman desperately needed (i.e. "Hey, lady! Do you realize that you are, for all intents and purposes, naked right now?") but couldn't give her. She didn't know me. The news might not have been well received. She may have gotten angry. I may have gotten fired. She may have gotten reprimanded. Who knows what might have happened?

So I kept my mouth shut and my eyes on something safe--I selected her shoes, those at least were safe enough--until I turned a corner. She thankfully kept on walking and the awkwardness ended. It was then that I considered the flip side. What if she gets reprimanded or fired because no one said anything to her now? Did I, in my efforts to uphold the social contract, inadvertently partake in destructive behavior?

What was the right call? How does one deal with a situation like this?

I'm not a pervert... am I?

2009-04-22T09:30:00.000-07:00

OK, so the wife bought some new shoes. They're patent leather, glossy, black, tall-heeled... overtly sexy in other words. Very hot shoes.

I want her to have an outfit that perfectly matches now. >.>

Do I have a problem?

Shimmer, Shine, Sparkle

2009-04-15T10:14:00.000-07:00

I promised a Perfect World review, and here it is, albeit a day late. Sorry about that, work got busy and I had to skip both breaks and lunch to accomplish anything.

To examine Perfect World International, we must first have the context, examine the games that have been coming out lately. Each game that launches in recent days would appear to be locked into a full-scale arms race with all of the others, each trying desperately to be more gritty, dark, gloomy, edgy, and simple than the last. A few rare exceptions exist (LittleBigPlanet, Valkyria Chronicles, etc.) but for the most part, the plan seems to be centered around making it darker, simpler, and more depressing. We'll have a game out in three years, at this rate, that will be so dark you can barely make out the main character, and you'll only need to press one button to make him curl up into a fetal position on his bed while he cries and cuts himself. It'll get Game of the Year from every review site, and high scores in all departments, including best story.

No, I'm not bitter. That would be ironic, though, wouldn't it?

But now that I've gotten that off of my chest, made my point plain as it were, let's prop Perfect World International against that backdrop, and quickly realize that no camera made could handle this much contrast.

This game is ridiculously "twee". Pretty, full of glitter and glam, upbeat and energetic... I could go on like that but I think you get the point, especially if you were observant enough to realize that the word "twee" in the previous sentence links somewhere.

It's plain that the makers of the game consider anything ugly to be evil, because that's the only place you're going to spot unattractive sights. The towns, the fields, the woods, the water, the people, all have been painstakingly crafted to be as beautiful as the game makers knew how to make them.

On that note, it's important to point out that the game has clearly been made by a team of straight, horny men. They are plainly and unabashedly obsessed with the female creature. Every piece of promotional art, every loading screen backdrop, almost every screenshot features a female character not wearing a whole lot. In the game it doesn't get much better. All female characters start off wearing a midi top and a short skirt, and progress in the early to mid levels to equally sexy armor and clothes. The Untamed are another good example of this thinking in practice. As men, the Untamed race are full-on werewolves, lions and panda-men, but as women they are essentially humans with perfect physiques, with cat or fox ears and tails. Slightly biased, eh?

What's amusing is, this actually works in this context. The game is fantastical to the point of fracture. People ride around on the backs of giant panda bears and ride flying manta rays, enormous swan, and mystical swords like they were airborne surfboards. Elves have wings and can fly around starting at level 1.

It's simple enough, game play-wise. Click on the ground to run to that spot. Double-click on a monster to start attacking. Click on an ability in your spell bar to use it. Use the space bar to jump and the arrow keys or WASD keys to move around. The game can be driven almost entirely with the mouse, though certain acrobatic feats (such as tricky jumps or swimming at specific depths) may necessitate using both hands, one on the mouse and the other on the keyboard. Quests in the early levels, at least, are straight-forward: Go kill fifteen of a type of critter, come back and be rewarded. They get more complicated as you advance.

There's a focus on social and romantic interactions that isn't present in most games. A man can pick up a woman and carry her around in his arms, snuggled close to his chest. They can smooch in this pose, sending valentine hearts flying and drilling cavities into the teeth of all observers. A winged elf can take flight like this, lifting his true love up and away. Twee? Oh yes indeed!

The customization of player avatars is unprecedented, permitting the creation of truly lifelike faces and bodies, perhaps for the first time. I can't say enough good about that; I'm an addict for this sort of thing, my big desire being to attempt creating myself in all games with this type of feature. PWI has gotten me closer than anyone else ever has.

There are some oddities. The game is fast-paced, perhaps even to a fault. One look at the speed at which windmills turn in the game is all that needs to be said; hurricane force winds couldn't produce this result. I can only assume they use such high-speed windmills for something very intensive, like grinding up diamonds. Combat is very, very fast, with swordsmen taking two or even three swings per second. Incredible.

Did I mention the game is completely free? To download the game is free. To play it is free. The only time you ever have to spend money on it is if you want to; like, if you check out the boutique and see a dress you like, then you can spend real money on it. Or if there's a special mount you want. Or if you want some unique wings. There are other things too, but that's the gist of it. It's essentially like tipping the devs. You love them? Show it with an in-game purchase. You can't even *do* this until you get a character to level 10. How's that? They won't even let you pay them until you've played the game for a while.

I give this one an 8.5 of 10. More involved quests, a better run animation, and giving the ladies the option to slow less than 80% skin sometimes would make it a perfect 10/10 easy.

Perfect Dragons? Dungeons World?

2009-04-13T05:19:00.000-07:00

I've been examining two games closely for the past week or so. Dungeons and Dragons Online, and Perfect World International. As is my wont, I shall now examine the pros and cons of each, and everyone will pretend to be interested in what I have to say. I know this is a boring topic, but such are my passions, so strap in. We're rolling.

DDO first. I'll hit Perfect World in tomorrow's post.

This game doesn't collect much in terms of the global subscriber base for these types of games. There is a reason: It's pretty hardcore. Dungeons and Dragons is, in its fundamental heart and soul, a game meant to be played with your friends. That's how the table top game works (you know, the one with all the dice?), and since they have kept as unswervingly true to that ruleset as they could ever hope to, the video game is every bit as group-minded as the board game.

What this means is, if you want to accomplish much past the early levels, you're going to need friends. Group up. This rubs the online gaming market the wrong way. The ability to solo in an MMO is, for reasons that were once unclear to me but now make perfect sense, very important to most of the current gaming population. The knowledge of why escaped me for so long but this morning broke in upon me like an enlightening light that... enlightens. Here it is:

People can be really stupid online! People can be even more stupid in an online game! People want the ability to play the games without being subjected to one another's idiocy!

Such a clear and sublime knowledge that has washed over me...!

Anyway...

Graphically the game environment is beautiful. It makes use of all the latest bells and whistles that DirectX has to offer to great effect, making for soft, realistic-looking environments to have your adventures in. Creature models are true and accurate to the monster manual. Music adds backdrop without being intrusive, and the DM (Dungeon Master, the disembodied voice meant to add color to the adventures and fill in details you can't experience for yourself, such as how something smells or how the air feels) is a unique proposition to the genre. They used a deep, booming, confident voice for him. My opinion? It would have been far more entertaining to have a nerd do the voice-over. Preferably someone with a lisp of some kind.

I like the way the game feels and plays, with the climbing over things, ducking under things, flipping switches, climbing ladders, swimming along and praying you don't drown, taking extra care on ice-coated narrow ledges and being ever-wary about traps and obstacles while finding keys and solving puzzles. This is very different from, say, WoW, where the focus in a dungeon is all about killing and looting. Player versus Environment actually means what it says in DDO. It plays much more like a real game than any other MMO I have ever touched, and that's important to me.

I know my wife will whine if I don't point out the game's downfalls, and there are some. The character models themselves kinda suck, for one thing. Everyone looks to be roughly middle-aged, the developers neglecting to give us the ability to alter the base skin on the model. In combat, everyone stands like they're struggling with back pain, or a hernia. The female character models look about like you'd expect: Designed by some geek who has never actually seen a woman naked. Vaguely female-shaped, they're narrow in the wrong places and curvaceous in the wrong ways. Combine that with the aforementioned animation troubles and you wind up with some truly troubled visuals.

Some of the game sounds are problematic as well. The sound that happens with a spell is cast, Magic Missile for instance... I'm not sure what they were thinking. Did they believe we wanted to sound like ring wraiths every time we cast something? It just doesn't gel well with the rest of the game, at least not in my opinion. Even something like the random, meaningless incantations from Baldur's Gate or Neverwinter Nights would have been more acceptable.

I always like to end on a positive note, and here's mine: The price. The core game now costs as much as a month's worth of play. Remember, you get your first 30 days included in the purchase of the core game. Therefore, the core game is now free. You just pay for the monthly access. There's also a 14-day free trial, so you can try before you buy. They've gone out of their way to put the software in your hands, in other words.

Of ten stars, I give this one seven and a half. Definitely worth checking out.

Tune in tomorrow!

Molasses Bath

2009-04-08T05:18:00.000-07:00

Seriously, getting going today feels like trying to climb out of a bathtub full of molasses. I'm tired like an ancient egyptian could be said to be tired by an archeologist. No idea why. Went to bed at a decent hour and slept soundly, so what's the deal?

Spring Broke

2009-04-06T04:32:00.001-07:00

Spring break ain't what it used to be.

It was a fantastic time for me back in high school. It was a time for *not* waking up at the crack of dawn to catch the bus. It was a time of eating whatever happened to be in the fridge at the time and drinking mom's entire 24-pack of diet Sprite. It was a time of all-day Nintendo in your pajamas.

These days, when other people are going on spring break, I'm still going in to work each morning, still getting up, still showering and shaving, still stumbling down the steps in a mild stupor and climbing into my truck, still making the drive in to the office. Amazingly, once I'm in the office parking lot, I get to catch a bus again to take me up to the building. Yes, friends, our parking lot is large enough to merit shuttle service.

Anyway, the wife has it a little different. She's back in school. This week was truly a respite for her. She still had to go to work, but she didn't have to sweat school assignments there for a while. Being the awesome husband that I am, when she requested that I unplug from everyone and everything for the week and spend the time with her exclusively, I didn't blink. I put my messenger on Away for the grand majority of the time, made not a single outgoing call, and gave her my full attention.

We spent most of the time playing WoW, watching House, and buying stuff with the portion of our tax return we set aside to just have fun with. It was all for her this past week, I endeavored to do nothing selfish and tried not to ignore or put off any request she made. Anyone who knows me, knows this sort of behavior does not come naturally, at least not to me. Who loves ya, baby?

It was a pretty good time. Starting tonight the wife is on a new batch of classes, and I am back on my various messengers. Feel free to drop me a line!

The Imminent Sludge Monster

2009-04-01T06:56:00.001-07:00

Occasionally I experience strangeness in the workplace. The level of strangeness seems to equate in some way to the location in which I experience it. I thought nothing could top the note in the bowl I wrote about in my very first blog entry, but today I had a contender crop up.

I was in the restroom, in a stall, taking care of my daily necessary. There was a fellow in the stall next door who left his shortly after I left mine. He and I were the only ones there. Never got a look at him, just a glance at his feet, which were unremarkable. As he was leaving, I heard him pour something into one of the sinks. Normally I wouldn't care about something so trivial, but afterward he announced it, and I quote: "OK, I just poured coffee into the sink. The drain's slow, if you see it and it looks like something else, don't be alarmed. It's just coffee."

Instantly my mind kicked into gear. Can I trust the feet of a complete stranger? He just poured some strange substance down a sink. I don't know what it was, I didn't see it. Yeah the drain's slow, but it ain't that slow. It'll be gone by the time I'm done in here. All I have is his word. Could be coffee. Could be radioactive material. How can I know? He told me. Why would he think to do that? If it was just harmless coffee, surely he wouldn't need to announce to the world what he'd done. Or maybe he's just neurotic like that. Or paranoid. We have enough safety regulations around here to ensure a good healthy paranoia crops up in anyone who works here.

What if it's something hazardous? I'd better get out and have a look, right? Everyone might be in danger.

That's when it hit me. I was not exempt from the paranoia rule, and all the safety regs had been at work on me too. It's got us all jumping at shadows. I left the stall and didn't even have a glance or a sniff at the sink.

. . . If some brown mucky monster arises from the city sewers and tries to kill us all, at that point I will feel regret.

Thirteen: An Analysis

2009-03-24T08:39:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm being too hard on Thirteen. I've certainly shouted my opinion enough, loud and proud, on Twitter. I want to clarify what my problem is with her, because I don't want my friends to think I'm bigoted or close-minded, or just shouting at the rain. Let me open by saying, I don't have a problem with her specifically. Yes, hold on to your seats, it's going to be *that* kind of post.

She insults me not on a personal level--I'm fine with overtly bi, self-destructive girls if you are--but on the level of a creative person, someone who hopes to one day make his living writing fiction for the entertainment of others. She is what we call in the trade a "Mary Sue".

Now, for those not familiar with the term, Mary Sue is a broad sweeping brush that paints over a wide variety of characters that all share the same basic traits. Allow me to illustrate:

"Blessed be and greetings to you. I am Mary Sue! I'm inhumanly beautiful, vastly rich, impeccably intelligent, ravishingly witty, and any man would walk into traffic to retrieve the scarf I delicately dropped just because of my nearly magical womanly charms. My face can topple kingdoms and my body ensnares the attention of every man in a fifty mile radius, even the blind and elderly. I am the daughter or close relative of very important people, and I wield their power. I may also sometimes wield a rare magical power. I may be the last of my kind in a race of once-thriving magical beings. You have no choice but to love and adore me, because the author of the piece is doing everything he can to rub me in your face.

But be careful how you love me, because even though I have everything anyone could ever want, and *am* everything any *man* could ever want, I also have a tragic past, and enough emotional baggage to fill a freight car. My once-thriving magical race is extinct except for me, the last, and they perished in horrific ways. The protagonist will spend a lot of time consoling me while he woos me, and will show me the true power of love while he washes away my sins. It won't help though, because I *also* am under a curse, or have an incurable illness, or am arranged to marry a man I hate. He'll have to overcome that too, somehow, or else watch me die and suffer the unendurable agony of losing someone so perfect, and yet so imperfect.

Come and love me, adore me, pity me, and be carried along the roller coaster of human emotion by me. I am the writer's crutch, a huge prop stick with the words Mary Sue printed in gilded letters along its length."

(As a footnote, there exists a male counterpart for this type of character. His name is Gary Stu, and by now I'm sure you can guess what *his* deal is. He's not the focus of this entry. Perhaps one day I shall write about him, but today is not that day.)

So, now that you understand *that* concept, and by extension why such characters are so insulting to those of us who would actually like to write halfway decent fiction, let's examine Thirteen.

Beautiful: Check
Intelligent: Check
Successful: Check
Every Man's Wet Dream: Check
Tragic Past: Check
Doomed: Check

Fits the profile nicely wouldn't you say? What is more, since she can't have magical powers in the setting, they made her bisexual to set her apart. Not because it advances the character in any way, but because it's edgy and "in" right now.

That's my problem with her. Again, it's not exactly her specifically, but because of what she is on a creative level. She is, in all ways, a universal adapter of character. She is adored for her looks, admired for her career, lusted after by most men and some women for her lifestyle, pitied for her past, and agonized over for her lost future.

Or, at least, that was the writer's aim when he came up with this character. Out of curiosity I surfed over the 'net a bit looking for opinions and I have yet to find anyone on whom she actually *works.* This gives me hope for my career. People are tired of this type of character and so am I, so my writing shall mesh well with the target audience (i.e. everyone) when I release my work upon the world.

Holy Savings Opportunity, Batman!

2009-03-17T07:08:00.000-07:00

I'm about to save a ton of money.

We seriously do not use our cellphones. We just don't. I pick mine up to make a call maybe once a week, I get a call on it maybe once a month, and in neither case have I *needed* it to be a mobile solution. I could have taken the call in my house.

But really, a land line phone is so 19th century, isn't it? This is the digital age. I know there has to be an internet solution to problem. Or rather, say, I *knew*. I have now confirmed that there is, and it calls to me like a gentle siren. The song it sings goes, "You are a neeeeeerd, Jason. You should be a neeeeerd in all thiiiings."

The solution is Skype. All of my readers know what this is: Perhaps the world's most popular VoIP program. This is probably not news to anyone, but what I didn't know is, for like $3 bucks a month, I can call anybody on any phone as much as I want in the US and Canada using my computer. For an additional $2 bucks a month, I can have a phone number that dials *in* to my computer. In today's economic climate, a $5 phone bill looks pretty yummy. Plus this gives me the excuse to switch to my apartment cable modem, the local hub for which is perhaps 150 feet from my front door. It'll be like having my own T1 at that distance.

Plus there is just something deliciously nerdy about using your computer to call people.

/CrowTRobot: "Speaker phones on computers, it must be THE FUTURE!"

Skunk'd

2009-03-16T08:20:00.001-07:00

So my friends elected to move our hanging out plans from tonight to Wednesday. Sort of a double-edged sword for me:

On the one hand, it sucks because now I have nothing to do but stay home and hang out with my new computer.

On the other hand, it's awesome because now I have nothing to do but stay home and hang out with my new computer.

Read it again and you'll get it. For those who don't know, I'm now the proud owner of a much more powerful gaming machine. The processor has 8 cores, the graphics card jumps up and down on my old one and laughs, every feature superior to the old box in every way. (Incidentally, I'm looking to sell the old one on the cheap, like $200 maybe. Still a pretty good machine, doncha know.)

Just in time for Champions Online, and later on Star Trek Online. And who knows? This machine might persuade me to re-up for Warhammer when my current MMO account runs out for the month. I'll be interested to see how they've improved it.

It runs WoW, smooth as glass. Of course it does. Computers from almost a DECADE ago can run WoW with little trouble. I haven't had the chance to try it out on the Burning Sea yet, mostly because of the headache involved with installing it on Vista (I am really sorry again for that, Josh) and a great many of my other games are sitting there staring at me accusingly, wondering what's taking so long. I'll get to you soon guys, I promise.

In other news... I had an Idea wander across my mind this morning. It deserves the capital letter, I think, since it is the type of notion that large chains of novels are made of. It's safe to say that I'm truly feeling the proverbial "itch" now. My father has offered to help me fix my typewriter. Since I have some free time tonight, I think I'll take it on over and tinker with it with him.

Keep the faith. I will be a novelist. I *will* achieve this.

The Complete Life List

2009-03-11T13:09:00.000-07:00

I'm making a list of things every person needs to have experienced at least once in order to have completely experienced life. They range from sappy to terrible, are in no particular order, and come principally from my own life experiences or from that of my wife.

The list of things to do:
Leave the country, live outside of it for a while if you can.
Quit a job the same day you're hired.
Get into a toy sword fight with a sibling or loved one.
Hit someone squarely between the eyes with a Nerf dart.
Go on a binge of self-indulgence.
Treat your friends to a meal.
Let your friends treat *you* to a meal.
Own a ridiculous combination of video games.
Be picky.
Be a complete animal in bed.
Be romantic and tender in bed.
Try and do both at once; if you succeed tell me how.
Develop a crush on a fictional character.
Think of who was best to you in life and reward them.
Think of who was worst to you in life and get even.
Own a cat, earn its respect.
Don't own a dog, earning its respect is way too easy.
Live in a basement.
Work from home.
Talk to a horse like it could understand you perfectly; make note of how attentively they listen.
Talk to a cat like it could understand you perfectly; make note of how quickly you get ignored.
Get into excellent shape and keep yourself that way.
Flip the bird to someone deserving.
Take a nap at 7:00pm in the evening; wake up in the dead of night and savor the disorientation.
Watch people.
Take a day off from your job for the hell of it; ensure your excuse is untruthful and lame.

More will come later. Feel free to add to the list in the comments.

The End of a Dynasty (plus a game review)

2009-03-05T07:37:00.000-08:00

My wife deleted her blog today. Brown Hair, Brown Eyes is gone.

If you saw the closing entry then you know why, but if not let me bring you up to speed: Essentially, she'd lost interest in it. She'd gotten to the point where she didn't blog about anything other than "This is what I did with my day, point by point." That ceased to be entertaining for her, I suppose. I can understand that; I've frequently wished I could spend a day in her head, just so I can know what it's like to live in a brain that's constantly on overdrive.

I'm the semi-proud owner of the new Star Ocean game. I'm a big fan of the series, but I've got a feeling this one's gearing up to disappoint me. The worlds are beautiful, the soundtrack is perfect, but so far the plot is completely useless and the main characters are all people I wish had *died* in the first shipwreck. They're not only of the young, plucky, huge-eyed youth variety, whoever did their art used a strange blend of realism and anime, resulting in models that are downright CREEPY.

I can't stand to look at our main hero too often. His face, pristine and glowing, maintains the same expression no matter what is going on. Seriously, he looks like he was molded from plastic and they're just using him to model a spacesuit like a mannequin. His blond hair shimmers and shines in the sun, blinding to an ordinary man and barely tolerable by me.

His girlfriend is so sweet I feel like every tooth in my head is developing a cavity just listening to her. Everything is nice and thankful and helpful; if she were married tomorrow she'd be a typical Japanese doormat. Only once has she broken from this: She went off on a tantrum, demanding that everyone stop treating her like a child. Well, sorry honey, if you go around in a spacesuit that makes you look like a schoolgirl with *pink ribbons in your hair* (I am not even kidding), you're going to get that reaction from people.

Next onto the roster is a Tolkien elf. Again, I'm not kidding, it's heavily implied that this alien species is what J.R.R. Tolkien was writing about in The Lord of the Rings. When we first saw the screenshots of this fellow, we were compelled to stare for a full *ten minutes* trying to figure out if this alien was male or female. If I hadn't heard others refer to him as a 'he' in the game, we *still* wouldn't be sure, and that's even after hearing his voice.

Speaking of voices...

Their voices--all of them--make me want to cram female sanitary napkins down each of their throats and cry "Plug it up!", with respect to Stephen King. We are on the railroad to whiny on this one, folks. I'm not very far in the plot, but this is a Tri-Ace game, which means things are going to be taking a turn toward the grim here very soon. I'm two hours into the game and we're already seeing the first hints of devastation. I shudder to think of how these irritating voices are going to express sadness and despair. I'm thinking we're doomed to Tidus Syndrome all over again.

I said I'm semi-proud as a game owner, didn't I? It does have some good points, and they're not small ones either. You might say they make up the saving graces of the game.

In the plus column, the combat system is lively and responsive. You only control one character at a time, leaving the AI to fend for itself while you focus. Normally this would make me cringe, but in this case I'm truly glad. The AI is so far flawless. Characters you aren't controlling respond appropriately to combat situations and get the hell out of the way when they're in danger. You know, like they're supposed to. Archer girl stays in the back and attacks from range, and jumps away when things are coming after her. Mage elf uses a healthy blend of his melee skills and magical ability. I'm not sure what Hero does when I'm not controlling him, since I always control him, but I'd imagine he does fine too.

This is a complete 180 from the last game. In that one if you didn't micromanage every member of your team, the first thing they'd do is fling themselves into danger and remain there while they were massacred, all the while not really doing anything to help the overall situation. To say I am both surprised and pleased by the change in this installment would be an understatement.

As I mentioned before, the environments are amazing and make good use of the technology it was deployed on. The soundtrack is excellent, but we knew it would be; Sakuraba does it again, after all. The spaceships, and the technology inside of them, are real treats for a huge nerd like me to be presented with.

In conclusion: Like Final Fantasy X, I have a feeling that this is going to be a game I play because it's fun, and because I like how parts of it look and sound, and not because I give a flyin' about anything that's going on. That's fine, truly; I've played a lot worse for a lot less, let me tell you. Also, to be fair, I haven't seen everything yet. It could well be that this thing will engage me soon. It's happened before.

ENERGON MISSING :: REDO FROM START

2009-03-04T06:39:00.001-08:00

One of my good friends is another year older today. Happy Birthday Ms. R! :)

I feel groggy today. I imagine this is how Biff Tannon's goons must have felt after they had several bags of sand dropped on their heads simultaneously. I'm relatively certain the cause is simply not having gotten enough sleep lately. We go to bed too late is all.

Still, it leaves me in a strange situation. I'm doing my tasks this morning while running on a sort of hazy autopilot. I know I've performed my work, but I don't really remember the details of anything I've done so far, nor do I suspect I will recall anything else I do today. Keep that in mind if you speak with me and I say something odd. It's likely not me talking; you just had a conversation with the pilot light that keeps my cerebellum warm.

Having said that, I must admit I enjoy the creative zen that occurs when I feel like this. Some of the random thoughts that wander through my mind are truly priceless. If only I could come up with a method of capturing them!

WTB house PST w/ offer

2009-03-02T07:13:00.000-08:00

So there's a house I'm looking at with greedy eyes.

The wife isn't exactly onboard with the idea of moving into a house; it's a frightening move, obviously, one with many potential pitfalls and perils. However, it is a concept that has become more appealing to me as I get a little older. Being able to place a phone call to maintenance to get any issue in the apartment fixed is nice, that's true, but the part of my genetics that I inherited from my father is beginning to scream into my ear, saying things like, "You can fix that yourself!"

It's strange. As I approach the age of 30 I find myself examining the idea of owning rather than renting. I like the idea of something being *mine.* I like the idea of keeping it up and making it better with my own two hands. I *want* to have to get into the basement and wrench off a leaky pipe, then get all filthy replacing it. I *want* to have a garage where I can tinker around with my latest brainchild or change the oil on my truck.. That's what my dad does and I've always admired it, and now I want it too.

Anyway, click here and observe the property I am eyeballing.

3 bedrooms, 1 bath, finished basement(!!!), property inspection report states that with the exception of a doorframe, damage to a wall, and some of the floor coverings being gone, it's in fine shape. Structure is on point inside and out, roof is good, pipes are good, electrical's good.

One downside is, apparently all of the appliances are missing. Fridge, dishwasher, washer/dryer, etc. are all gone. That's sort of good news/bad news for me; it'd be somewhat inconvenient, on one hand, but it'd also be nice to be able to pick all those things out myself rather than deal with somebody's secondhand junk.

We drove by it last night and discovered that the neighborhood is, how you say... "average." Not real nice, not a dump, just a bunch of people in what is roughly our income bracket.

Now, it goes without saying that I know nothing about home ownership. Absolutely zilch. So I turn to the only two friends I have who have been through it and ask: What do you think?

Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra

2009-02-24T11:59:00.001-08:00

As of tomorrow, my job will radically change. No longer will I be quality checking other people's work. I will be back in the thick of it, making and breaking records. To be honest I prefer it this way. The quality assurance position was one entrusted with a bit more responsibility (plus I got called Creed a few times), but it was personally draining. I wasn't terribly happy with it.

My schedule is also being modified, though I am not entirely certain how just yet. Fear not, my wife, it shall not impede our evening.

Speaking of my wife, she feels my departure from the tedium of quality assurance demands celebration. So we're either eating steak out or she's cooking some in. :) I don't know, my body demands red meat tonight. Red meat, and warm bread, and a serving wench keeping my goblet topped off...

Hmm. My mind wandered into my viking fantasy there for a second.

Sample

2009-02-23T07:23:00.000-08:00

If you didn't see it on my Facebook tagline, a few days ago I completed a small piece of fan fiction.

Click here to read it.

This is what you might call a try piece; if you aren't familiar with the characters, the backstory, the events that led up to this point, then these two pages of narrative are not going to mean a whole lot to you. That's not really the point of the material, though. It's just a small sample and not anything I'd actually want to publish. It was, to put it bluntly, done for kicks. I was bored. I posted it because what I want to find out is how my writing stacks up to others, to professionals in the field.

So, if you have a few minutes today to read through and write a critique coming from *that* viewpoint, please do so. It would be of great benefit to me as I begin to churn a few ideas.

Thanks in advance.

Some Random Thoughts. No, Randi, not ripping you off. :)

2009-02-19T10:51:00.000-08:00

I am out of my frikkin' mind with boredom.

I've been working on the same task for weeks. It never ends, it never lets up, and any time I begin to make any headway more gets added to the pile. To put it in the immortal words of Pee Wee Herman, "It's like you're trying to unravel a giant cable-knit sweater, that someone just keeps on knitting, and knitting, and knitting, and knitting, and knitting, and knitting, and knitting..."

Possible schedule conflict this Thursday evening: Jess has a night off from school tonight for the first time since her last semester. Josh may have a game working that we've been trying for three days to make operate. How do you juggle *this* one, I ask you? On the one hand, my wife, who gets a very scant amount of time off from school these days. on the other, my friend Josh, who I have bugged, obsessed, and annoyed endlessly about this game.

As Deep Thought would say, "Tricky."

I somehow manage to place myself into these situations with a degree of regularity. Maybe I'm some kind of a conflict magnet, a pole around which various forces of difficulty and strife swirl.

The youngest cat, Alfredo, has come up with a new game to play with himself: That of taking his toys (or anything else he can get his mouth around) and dumping it into the toilet, then fishing it out a few seconds later. This is both very cute and extremely annoying at the same time, because he doesn't always succeed. It was necessary yesterday morning to reach in and retrieve one of Jess's scrunchies from the bottom. She thinks she might have accidentally flushed a Nerf Gun dart thinking it was something else.

Money is tight and it's about to get tighter; we don't always keep our belts cinched quite as snugly as we should, so I suppose Jessica's employer has taken it upon themselves to cinch them for us by slashing salaries. We'll make it through fine, but some things will need to be given up or put on hold. Still discussing what those things might be.

Very pleased with the improvement in my wife's sketch-work. Can't wait to see where she's at when this class is over. Maybe one day she'll be up to drawing me some character art. ;)

Can't stop yawning. Not enough sleep. Miss my friends already. Miss the four of us hanging out and playing Mario Party and stuff. Was fun times.

I don't have a movie review column, but I like to pretend that I do.

2009-02-18T08:42:00.000-08:00

Ben Stiller: Tell them what happened here!

Robert Downey Jr: What did happen here?

Ben Stiller: ... I don't know.

That about sums up Tropic Thunder.

It is my custom to write reviews on any major motion picture, video game, or piece of literature that I am exposed to. I won't break with custom now. Monday evening, I spent some time with J & R, the key activities centering around hanging out and taking in this film.

The movie opens strong. Three pseudo-movie trailers play, each to provide context for our cast of all-star actors, who in this movie play a cast of all-star actors making a movie.

Robert Downey Jr. plays the role of a serious actor, the type who always turns up in these intensely controversial films. The fake movie ad, for a film called Satan's Alley, stars Robert playing a monk, who is sexually attracted to another monk, played by (cameo!) Toby Maguire. Sort of Religious Tension meets Brokeback Mountain.

Ben Stiller is essentially Sylvester Stallone playing John Rambo. His MO is apparently the action film genre, the kind that get rehashed over and over until they are completely run into the ground. The movie he showcases in his trailer is apparently the sixth installment in his line of shoot-em-ups. Run into the ground indeed.

Jack Black's comedy movie reminds us of Eddie Murphy in The Nutty Professor. Just like in those films, Jack plays about eight roles, male and female, all in the family, all horrifyingly overweight and loaded with gas. Essentially the type of movie that you wish in your bones would flop but somehow becomes a huge phenomenon based solely on ticket-sales to the low-brow-humor slice of the population.

This introduction to the cast is easily the strongest piece in the whole film, refreshingly entertaining and well done. It successfully preys upon our distaste for stereotypes and typical the typical movie trailer assembly. We joked that, had we seen it in the theatre, we wouldn't have been sure whether the promos had actually stopped or not.

Once this part is complete, though, everything goes wrong.

The plot of the movie is simple enough. They are trying to make a movie based on a book written about Vietnam, but a combination of inexperienced direction, incompatible casting, and the interference of a megalomanical movie producer played by Tom Cruise is making the matter difficult. So, the man who wrote the book--who has been on hand the entire time and is clearly so far around the bend he couldn't poke sanity with a long stick--suggests that they take the entire affair up into the Vietnamese upland and shoot a "real" film of what really went on. The director agrees, and up they go. The director steps on an old landmine within five minutes of landing and is disintegrated, leaving the cast to wonder whether that was just a special effect and he's hiding behind smoke and mirrors, or if he's really dead. In either case they're left to their own devices to figure things out, try to shoot the movie, and get through the plot. They are, to put it bluntly, lost.

Let me underline this: None of what I just described is in any way entertaining. The actors weren't just pretending to be lost. You can use that word to describe about every problem the movie has. The gags are lost in the hamfisted overabundance of vulgarity. No, I don't have delicate ears or anything. I haven no objection to profanity; I've used so much in my life that I have no moral high ground to snipe from. I mean what I say. In any given line about 40% of the words are a curse of some kind. Cramming that much into each sentence screwed up the syntax to the point that whatever joke was being told became scrambled and unfunny.

The plot points and twists are mixed up and in all the wrong places. The character development is confused and uninteresting. The timing is all wrong. The overall effect is that someone had read the sheet music but had never heard it played, metaphorically speaking.

On the other hand...

It's fairly clear early on that these actors weren't making this thing for any other reason than they wanted to. Watching Robert Downey Jr. nearly crack up trying to deliver some of his lines, or Tom Cruse goofy-dancing his way through the credits, is proof enough of that. It's plain that they had an absolute blast making it. It's almost as if they just wanted an excuse to go out, dress up, swear a lot, shoot blanks out of firearms, and blow stuff up. In this, they definitely succeeded. And I'll admit, I got a cheap laugh or two out of the whole thing.

Looking at it through that filter, I guess the movie was a success. The boys had fun making it and we got a few laughs out of it. Even if it flopped at the box office, which I have no idea whether it did or not, everybody involved was too rich to care.

So, glad you had fun, guys! We did, enough to justify spending the four bucks for the DVD rental anyway.

Pressure Valve Activate

2009-02-13T06:39:00.000-08:00

"Well, this is how the world works. All energy flows according to the whims of the great magnet." - Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Just a bit of personal venting today.

I have three people in my life who I love dearly above all others and would do anything for, including light myself on fire or leap into traffic. I have my wife, and I have two friends. The two friends are married, so they come as one side of the item. My wife is, obviously, married to *me*, so she comes in as the other side.

The two sides, for reasons passing understanding, war constantly with one another. Neither side has been able to adequately explain what they find so repulsive about the other, they just do. Personally I think, more than anything else, it's just the aforementioned magnet at play. Polar opposites that can't be kept apart no matter what I try, but want nothing better than to claw the eyes from each other's heads when they get near one another. A problem perhaps more deeply rooted than simple personality conflicts. It might be etched into the bedrock of nature itself. Balance in all things. Each person walking the earth has an opposite, I think; some people walk about the planet like matter, and others like antimatter. When the two meet there is a kind of explosion, one with wholly unpredictable results.

So ok, my friends are matter, my wife is antimatter. Or maybe it's the other way around. Who cares? What matters is, I'm jammed *between* these two particles like a dilithium crystal. (Skip that if you're not a Trekkie.) It's been some kind of special hell for going on five years now. Trying to keep the matter and antimatter in balance, attempting to prevent a dangerous explosion, all without fracturing myself. Not only that, but it's been even more difficult trying to hold on to both sides. I don't want to attempt to live without my wife or my friends. They are both equally important to me, although in different ways.

So there it is. The whole picture. Me in the center, trying to mediate or separate, case depending, without personally angering either side, making an ass of myself, or breaking down. I'm not a perfect person. I don't always handle it exactly as I should. In an effort to keep the peace and my own sanity, I sometimes say or do something that greatly injures feelings. Sometimes it's my wife who takes the hit, other times my friends. Many times the sides feel under appreciated, that I don't spend enough time with them or that I don't make them feel important enough. Many times they deserve apology or recompense. I don't always have the time, energy, or patience to render it properly.

So what is the answer? I can't lose my wife, she's too important to me. I can't lose my friends, they are also too important to me. I can't force them to get along, I might as well ask the continental plates to stop floating around on magma and bumping into each other. I can't stay in the middle like this, because it's only a matter of time before I run out of juice or make a fatal mistake and the whole thing flies apart. There have been near-misses to that tune already.

Somethings gotta give.

Oh, Thank You Cryptic Studios!

2009-02-09T11:03:00.000-08:00

This perked me up quite a bit today.

I'd start a meme about this game, questions like, "What race would you play, or would you invent one?" and "What kind of ship would you like to be captain of?" but I can't imagine anyone would fill it out. Not even my wife, who would fill out about anything I put up if I chose to do so.

Everyone I know is an online gamer and a Star Trek fan, or at least has a grudging interest in Trek, but I think I--and *maybe* Josh--are the only people in my group of peers truly stoked about this thing. It could just be because talking to me about MMOs is a bad idea. Once I get going I don't stop, plus my voice does that pinched high-tone that nobody can stand. :P

Overwork

2009-02-09T04:09:00.001-08:00

This week should be interesting.

Due to an incredible overabundance of work coming into our department, I have been conscripted into overtime. I have a friend, who shall remain nameless (*cough*Josh*cough*), who simply does not understand my views on overtime. Let me break it down for you.

I have been hired to do a job. Not my career, just a job. I take away very little satisfaction from what I do on a daily basis while here, since this is not what I wish to do for the rest of my life. (I'm not sure there's a person alive who *would* want to do this for the rest of their life, but I digress.) I look at the job as being nothing more than a source of money. I don't spend even one second longer in this office than is absolutely necessary. If I could run out to my car without looking like a complete idiot, I would just to shave off a few minutes. My time away from here is worth far more to me than the time I spend at the desk.

My view on money plays into this too. I'm one of those people for whom money is an object, and nothing more than an object. I have a little, enough so that I can have what I need, when I need it. As long as I have that, I'm fine, perfectly happy. To paraphrase certain lines made famous by a recent version of The Joker: I'm a man of simple taste. I enjoy Internet access, online games, and an available typewriter with paper in it. Do you know the one thing they have in common? They're cheap.

Therefore, given my view of my work, and my view of money, it naturally follows that extra time spent at my desk is a unique form of torture for me. Let me underline it one more time: I don't want to be here. The fact that they're willing to pay me extra to stay is irrelevant, since I don't want or need the money. What I want and need is to be home with my wife, or my friends if she has a class that night, healing from the day.

I hope that helps my readers to understand me a little more. I do have honest, solid reasons for overtime distaste, I'm not just whining about it to hear my own voice work.

My work days all this week begin at 6:00am. (That means I'm up at 5:00am and out the door by 5:30am.)
Monday and Wednesday I should be home by 5:00pm.
Tuesday, Thursday and Friday I should be home by 6:00pm.

That's 13 additional hours spent in the office this week, about $300 additional on the paycheck. Should I survive it, I have no idea what I'll spend the money on.

I Invent

2009-02-05T08:23:00.001-08:00

I have invented a species for Star Trek. Let me know what you think.

Profile of the species: Volar

Much like the Romulans are related to the Vulcans, the Volar are related most strongly to the Human race. Hundreds of years ago, when mankind was on the brink of disaster from nuclear war, a colony ship full of frozen humans was launched from Earth, just minutes before the missiles started flying. This was a desperate maneuver by what was then known as Spain, one of the few countries who had opted to remain neutral and had prepared to save at least a small portion of humanity from themselves. Warp drive had not yet been discovered, but they managed to make the sleeper ship--a shuttle containing some 300 human beings in cryogenic stasis--roar away from Earth on a high speed conventional rocket propellant.

No one noticed. Even if anyone had, there were so many ballistic missiles flying into and out of Earth's atmosphere on that day, they would have likely mistook it for an errant warhead, flying off into space on a wrong course. Astronomers had identified what they suspected was an M-class planet, a place where humanity could start anew. They could only pray that they were right, and that the planet wasn't populated when their people got to it. The flight would take close to a millennium.

Two centuries later, the ship was picked up, adrift in deep space and nowhere near its destination, by a Ferengi salvage team. They claimed the ship and everyone in it as salvage property, and sold the lot to a dilithium mining station as slave labor. There were several attempts for freedom, especially early after the thawing, but since the mining colony was completely isolated from the ship in orbit that oversaw it none ever succeeded.

Over time, the population of the sleeper ship did what Humans do best--grew fruitful and multiplied, some with one another, others with a variety of alien species also enslaved on the asteroid. This genetic blender eventually developed a smooth paste of population, a new species, who called themselves the Volar in homage to the mine's designation, Vol-17782. As this was happening, the dilithium in the asteroid was being exhausted, and finally the company that owned the station wrote it off as a loss, leaving it and everyone crewing it to fend for themselves.

The Volar could not have been happier. The mine was self-sustaining enough to make it a permanent home with a bit of work, which they could now do now that they weren't being forced to mine, and for decades they lived a life of freedom. A life full of tribulation and strife, to be sure, but free.

They have since escaped and rejoined society, establishing ties with the United Federation of Planets and a few independent star systems, but still think of the asteroid as home. Once a year they celebrate The Day of Abandon, their freedom day, the day they were officially declared to be no one's property and the asteroid became their home world. No Volar would miss it; it is a day of immense celebration, and they must return to the home rock on that day to join in the festivities.

The Volar retain about 80% of their original human genetic material, so they strongly resemble human beings. They are tan skinned, with dark hair and eyes. Their ears form into minor points, and their upper lateral incisors have elongated into fangs. They are normally below average in height, with the tallest Volar coming to no higher than 6 feet.

Such a Deal

2009-02-04T08:33:00.000-08:00

It's amazing. I actually am in a situation where I have almost nothing to complain about. The big three still remain (i.e. Work is boring, money's tight, still struggling for something to make into a book), but they're nothing new and, as it turns out lately, quite manageable.

That's all well and good, but how do you make a blog about it? I mean, come on. How did Chandler put it in that one episode of Friends? "Oh yeah, life sucks, two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet is too small for my $50s, and my diamond shoes are too tight!" Something like that, making fun of Ross. Well, I don't have two women, I don't carry $50s around, and diamond shoes sound uncomfortable, but life's pretty good anyway.

So often, you go onto a person's blog and expect to be bombarded by negativity. The black and bleak aspects of life are simple things to write about, and some would say doing so is therapeutic. Maybe, maybe not, but you rarely see an entry about a person who is *happy* with things.

I feel I've broken personal new ground here. What say you, readers? Was it a good change? Or should I go back to finding things to whine about? :)

Adding Beef to the Nerd

2009-02-02T06:56:00.000-08:00

I have not yet blogged about it, but we are now proud owners of the Wii Fit. After a week doing some intense strength and mild aerobic training on it, taking in a lot of protein and watching what I eat, I can already see a marked difference.

To give you an idea: In our home, after going to the grocery store, it is customary for me to hold my arms out a bit like a forklift and have Jessica load them up with our purchases. I hate making more than one trip up and down the stairs so I like to get it all in one go if at all possible. Normally I distribute the weight equally between both arms, then lug them up the stairs. I'm usually winded and slightly arm sore by the time I get up there and almost always immediately flop onto the couch.

This past week went by with Wii Fit, and it ended with us going to the store. We bought a significant quantity of food this time, more so than usual. I was able to load everything onto one arm. My *left* arm, the weaker of the two. Carried everything up to the apartment effortlessly, without even so much as an extra beat added to my heart or breath rate. My arm didn't even feel tired. In other words, piece of cake.

Definite improvement.

I will of course continue with this. I want badly to continue improving. I'm also dieting, enforcing said dieting by leaving my debit card at home. I never carry cash. Without my debit card handy, I will not be able to snack while at work. What I eat will be carefully regulated by what I bring with me in my pockets daily.

In other news, my work has become a damaged proposition. All Internet usage has become banned, even on breaks. Use of the computers in the cafeteria is being strictly limited. I have written this post from my work machine. I will have precisely ten minutes to log in, post it, do a couple other things, and then log out. Normally this type of restriction doesn't fly for very long; the natives get restless, or so it is said. We'll see how long they stick to their guns this time.

Only in Dreams

2009-01-22T11:54:00.000-08:00

A good friend wrote a "Random Thoughts" post. It intrigues me how the female mind can hold so many things at once. I say "the female mind" because Ms. R is not the only one who consistently has a lot on her mind. Wife does it too, and has written many thousands of words on the subjects since I've known her. Many things at once, though. I have a lot of thoughts too, but they usually come one at a time and are largely unimportant.

If I were to make a random thoughts list like hers, right now, it would look something like this:

* I'm hungry

* I'm bored

* I'm tired

That's it. Otherwise, all quiet in the chambers of my mind. This is actually not so disturbing as you might think. A quiet mind allows for true focus, enough to make serious attempts at telekinesis if you're like me and magical thinking doesn't trouble you.

Speaking of magical thinking, several years ago, before I married Jess and moved into the apartment, I had a dream that I wish I had written down at the time. In this dream I was witnessing events through my eyes. I was brushing my teeth. I was listening to someone in the tub next to me talk, they were talking about Cingular Wireless. I remember that because the person sounded out the word: "Cin-gu-lar", heavy emphasis on the syllables. That stood out to me, made me remember it all this time. It nagged at me off and on for the last six years or so. Why would someone in a tub be talking to me about wireless service like I was an idiot?

Well, this morning it came true.

I was standing at my sink brushing my teeth. Jess was in the tub finishing up her morning bathing ritual and talking to me of things she wanted to do this weekend. I wasn't really listening (sorry dear), so when she said it for the first time what I heard was, "see, you will."

I asked her, "See you will? What is that, Yoda-speak?"

She corrected me. "No, Cingular." She'd been talking about going to the wireless store and replacing her phone. "Cin-gu-lar."

She said more on the subject, but I didn't really hear it. I had an excuse this time for not paying attention, though. My mind had been parted like the Red Sea. Once again, I'd dreamed of the future.

People usually try to explain this away when I talk about it. They think I'm just having deja'vu. I assure you I'm not. I've scolded myself again and again for not keeping a dream journal, and this time the bite is truly painful because I had a witness to the phenomenon, and if I had just written it down I could have proven that this really happens to me and I'm not crazy.

I've never been able to "make" it happen, it just does at times. I'm asleep, and I dream, and in my dream I see things through my own eyes, like I'm actually watching my future self do things from the back seat.
It's never about anything special or significant. The first time I became aware of it, I was in Josh's house for the first time. We were playing the Mechwarrior 2 demo when it crashed in on me that I'd seen it before, that I'd been in his house before, even though I really hadn't. I'd dreamed it almost two years ago when I was still in Middle School. I was still a good year and a half away from meeting Josh, or even being in the public school where he attended class.

What shall I make of this, I wonder? More thought is required.

Hmm? What? What's that?

2009-01-21T04:57:00.001-08:00

Holy God, we're set to finish up this month at a surplus! That's unprecedented. I don't know what to do with myself.

I want to chase this feeling, if we can. Really knuckle down and save some money, then be able to kill some bills (no pun intended) later this year. If you think about it this is fairly impressive for us. Just finishing up the holiday season, birthdays, college, a veritable plethora of additional expenses, and we still came out on top stronger than usual. Pretty sweet deal all things considered.

In other news, I set myself a goal of figuring out what to do with my spare time, things that would enhance my life rather than leech it. I did honestly give the matter a great deal of thought, and the honest answer is that I have simply drawn a blank on this quandary. I know the things I'd *like* to do: Get in shape, write a book, but those things are neither new or immediate. So, back to the drawing board. "If at first you don't succeed" and all that.

Been watching a bit of Star Trek lately. I'm increasingly of the opinion that life would be so much better with a holodeck.

Tattoo-ine

2009-01-20T03:54:00.000-08:00

I surprised one of my friends, I think, when I expressed interest in getting a tattoo. She made the accurate point that I had never before mentioned such a desire, and of course she is right. Besides my wife, who has only heard this desire voiced twice, no one has ever before heard me say, "You know, I think I'll let someone drill ink on me."

The full scoop is this: I have wanted a tattoo for a long time. However, I see no point in actually *getting* one--or, indeed, even talking about getting one--until I have lost all the weight I want to lose. Those things are sensitive to changes in body weight as I understand it, as the skin changes shape and the ink moves around as a result.

How did Robin Willams put it? "You get the tattoo of the barbed wire now, and by the time you're eighty, it's f%#*in' picket fence."

So, if I do manage to achieve the ideal form of me, as is my desire, getting that ink done will be one of a few things I plan to reward myself with.

As for what image I plan to use, well... one springs to mind.

turns key - BrrrRrrRrrrrRrrrrrRrrr...

2009-01-19T03:58:00.001-08:00

I haven't updated my blog in a while, obviously. The reasons are fairly sound: Nothing to write about. That's not exactly true, of course. There's been stuff going on. Christmas happened. So did the new year. My wife's back to college. My cat had pneumonia. The list goes on like that.

The problem with me and blogging is that all of that stuff, while significant to *me* and most certainly to my spouse, doesn't truly strike me as the kind of thing anyone else wants to read about. They moved my desk at work. I completed Valkyria Chronicles. I'm playing Pirates of the Burning Sea and having a great time. Cool for me, but does anybody else give a flyin'? Fairly certain that the answer to that is no. :)

I think the reason I take blog breaks is because part of me would like to wait for something worth writing about to happen, or at least a noteworthy thought to strike me. I'd take either at this point; life has been hum-drum long enough.

Jessica stayed home sick today. I was torn; I wanted to stay home with her, but I couldn't think of an adequate reason beyond, "I want to stay home and take care of her." If we were slow at work I might have gone ahead and done it, but we're busy as hell and likely to stay that way for a good long while. Call it responsibility, call it fear of job loss, whatever the reason I'm at my desk today when I'd rather be home looking after my wife.

The Buzzing Et Cetera

2008-12-04T08:46:00.000-08:00

I mentioned in the last post that this would be a two-part observation, and so it is. I hope to cover some interesting observations in this post that have been shared by myself and others, but first a few pleasant highlights. First, thanks, J & R, for having me over last night. Had a lot of fun, certainly much more than I would have had sitting around my apartment all by my lonesome. Second, my uncle John was in surgery as of Monday. He had an aneurysm, something they caught at the last second and had to remove in a huge hurry, lest he perish. It was apparently a five hour open-brain surgical ordeal, but he made it through and is recovering nicely. Astounding, these things that can be accomplished with medical science today.

Now, onto the meat of the post.

As my friends and wife know now, I am being medicated for major depression. That was the official diagnosis when I went to the doctor's office on Tuesday. When I explained my symptoms they immediately knew what we were dealing with and prescribed something for it. Apart from the depression and being somewhat overweight, though, my health is generally good. Blood pressure, cholesterol, lung function, heart function, all within normal parameters. I am free to begin any reasonable workout regimen I choose, and they recommended the South Beach diet for weight loss. I'm examining it.

All that being said, some of us can't help but wonder whether this problem is symptomatic of a larger thing at work in the world. Everyone's got some kind of mental hangup. Nobodies normal, and it's always in some weird way that make them miserable with the way their life has turned out. Our generation suffers it. The one right on our heels fares even worse. Talk to anyone, even people who have really good and solid lives, and they'll tell you all about how messed up they are. Usually at the drop of a hat.

(I'm using broad, sweeping terms like "anyone" and "everyone", of course. That's not accurate, but I have not the time nor the patience to word everything in the post in a politically correct way. Obviously not *everyone* is like this, but a whole hell of a lot of people are.)

I have my own theory on the matter. I think people are depressed simply because life is too easy. Now, before you scream "WTF?!" let me explain what I mean.

Your grocery store is five miles from your house at the most. Frequently, less. For some, like me, it's a *lot* less. I could see mine from my parking lot if there weren't a highway in the way. Anyway, five miles. Your car can get you there in five minutes. You'll spend thirty in there, grabbing carefully-laid out products from easy-to-reach shelves. Engineers have studied it down to the molecule and determined the perfect layout to make your shopping experience easier. You'll be in and out without having to use your brain.

Think about that. The quest for food! Hunting and gathering! Key and necessary to the bedrock of our survival! One of our species' core functions has been reduced to a task that takes no time and requires no thought or effort.

Now think a little higher. Acquiring and maintaining shelter. Again, a key, core task of our species. Again, no effort. Hop on the Internet and head to a website. Specify your needs, pick from the list, go on down and sign the lease. Bingo. For added laziness, head back to the Internet to set up automatic payment of the rent and the bills. There's another one. A core function, reduced to zero effort and thought.

So we have food and shelter taken out of our hands. What need we ponder? Essentially, all we need to worry about are two numbers: Cash coming in, and cash going out. Make sure one stays higher than the other. A lab monkey could do it. The short of it is, I think human beings are in a state of decline, a state of creeping depression and uselessness, a state where obesity runs rampant, where suicide is on the rise, where everyone wants everything but doesn't want to work for it, because life for the average person has been distilled down to a set of very easy numbers. It's *too easy*. The mind can't cope with being this bored. The mind wants for problems to solve, challenges to overcome. Without them it settles into a state of "meh."

That's for adults. Kids, much easier to understand what their problem is. But that's another blog post.

So what is the answer? Well, I'm going to go ahead with my depression treatment. There is absolutely no point in my starting anything worthwhile right now with the way I've been feeling. Once I'm feeling better, though, I think the *real* treatment for this will be to push myself. Challenge myself, or be challenged by others. Inject some imperative into life. Put more on the plate than the problem of, "Is this number bigger than this number?"

Thoughts?

The Buzzing Sound

2008-12-01T08:33:00.000-08:00

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to finally determine, after a long time waiting, what is wrong with me. It cannot possibly come a moment too soon.

I have to admit I put my wife through a long weekend of hell. I barely remember anything that happened over the last four days, but I remember enough to know I wasn't a very good husband. I slept a lot, and when I was awake I was completely without energy. I sank into my various distractions and missed about 80% of everything she said. She had to beg and plead to get me to at least try to have fun with her. Her passtime of choice is to have me write with her, and when I did I produced nothing of quality. It all culminated into me feeling so much like a lump--and acting like one--that Sunday night, she got so frustrated she nearly threw a shoe at me. I imagine just so that I'd react to something.

The sensation comes and goes, I have my good days and my bad days, but for the last several months now my bad days have far outnumbered the good. On said bad days, I feel like how I imagine a rock must feel. That is to say, like nothing. Like an inanimate object. I don't remember anything anyone says to me, or anything that goes on. I can't concentrate. Zero creativity. Extremely tired. I don't feel happy, I don't feel sad. I feel disconnected from everything. It all feels like it's happening to someone else.

There is a constant... I hesitate to say the words "buzzing sound", because that's not accurate, but it's the best way I can describe it. In my conciousness, not in my ears. It's like someone has stretched out and then interwoven a few balls of cotton into the pathways of my brain. Every thought and feeling I used to have normally now comes slowly or not at all.

The conversation my wife and I had afterward branched out, reached outward to explore the entire generation I live in, as well as the one right on our heels. This blog entry took a lot longer to write than I thought it would, and I promised I'd deliver on the full range of topics this touches on. So I will write this one in two parts. Consider this part 1.

Arrr.

2008-11-29T04:38:00.000-08:00

I never did stop loving this game, you know. I just could never get anyone to even glance at it besides my wife, who tried it for about three days and quit. Not her fault, of course. Just not her cup of tea. The Age of Sail holds a certain romance to me, something I cannot get in any other game I've played thus far. I've often thought of it, that being my retirement: Buy a boat and just sail around.

Actually, Jessica pointed out something key. My brother Christopher played this game too. He must have liked it; he went and joined the Navy. o.o

Anyway, I'm a pirate again. They made some changes to the game I just had to see for myself.

From Randi - A Christmas Meme

2008-11-23T11:36:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the CHRISTMAS edition of getting to know your friends . Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be a SCROOGE!!! Just copy (not forward) this entire email and paste into a new e-mail (blog post) that you can send. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know, remember to sent it back to the person who sent it to you! ......Tis the Season to give

1. Wrapping Paper or Gift Bags?
Wrapping Paper, easy. Gift bags are a last resort in all cases. Nothing quite like ripping paper off a gift on Christmas.

2. Real Tree or Artificial?
Artificial, unfortunately. A real tree is always preferable and, believe it or not, safer in your home. However, apartment complex demands using only fake trees, so this is what we do.

3. When do your put up your tree?
It depends on the number of cats we have. We have a new kitten in the home recently and he is unusually destructive for one of his species. Putting the tree up early is what we would normally do, but I have a feeling doing that this year would just invite our coming home to find it on the ground every day.

4. When do you take down your tree?
Usually wait until after New Years, but again, hell cat in the house right now.

5. Do you like/drink eggnog?
I've tried it one time in my life. That was enough.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
Oh, easy. The Sword of Omens. It lit up!

7. Hardest person to buy a gift for?
Pretty much everyone, believe it or not. I'm horrible with gifts. Just ask the wife.

8. Easiest person to buy a gift for?
See above, only inverse.

9. Do you own or display a nativity scene?
At the moment no. I always looked forward to my parents assembling theirs when I was a child, though.

10. Do you US Mail or E-Mail Christmas Cards?
We don't usually do Christmas Cards. Nothing against them, we just never have.

11. Worst gift you have ever received?
I think my mother actually had the temerity to gift me with a Green Power Ranger one year... I cannot be sure, it was a long time ago. I remember it though.

12. Favorite Holiday Movie?
A Christmas Story

13. When do you start Holiday Shopping?
Must admit, this usually happens maybe a day or two before anyone is scheduled to get anything. I start forming *ideas* around Thanksgiving, though.

14. Have you ever re-gifted a gift?
No, actually. Never have.

15. Favorite food to eat at Christmas?
Turkey! TurkeyTurkeyTurkeyTurkeyTurkey!

16. Favorite Christmas song?
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

17. Celebrate on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
The celebrations actually tend to span out over the few days before and after, as time and availability of all involved permit.

18. Christmas at Home or Travel?
Does traveling three blocks to get to my mom's house count as traveling?

19. Can you name all the reindeers?
Yep. Off the hip, no thought needed at all. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen. Rudolph if you're picky.

20. Tree Topper Angel or Star?
Star. I remember when we found it, we thought it was perfect, came back the next day to get it, and it was gone. I took Jessica on a statewide hunt for this thing, finally found it at Target. Christmas Memories +1!

21. Open gifts Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?
Morning. Never been an Eve man.

22. Most annoying thing about the Holiday Season?
Traffic, easily. Around my part of town they cram the roads like caterpillars.

23. What special item do you want this season?
Hmm... Something that would perhaps further enable my passion for writing. I can't think of what that might be though.

24. Who do you think will reply to this?
Maybe Jessica, but I doubt it. I kinda answered most of this for both of us.

25. Gifts or Gift Cards?
Either's fine. Seriously, I appreciate them both in equal measure.

A Fun Game

2008-11-23T06:21:00.000-08:00

Wife and I invented this game this morning. It's a pretty good one.

1. Log into Facebook
2. Start the Flair application
3. Leaving the search settings blank, look at all the flair on the screen. Is there something Twilight related? If not, you win. If so, go on to the next page of Flair.
4. Keep going until you find a page of Flair that has not one piece on it that's to do with Twilight.
5. Update your blog with the page number you reached.

Me, I got to page 67.

Useful additions: Feel free to scream NOOOO! at the top of your lungs once you get past page 40 or so and your head still isn't above the murky waters of this crappy franchise. Also, make sure you leave yourself plenty of time. You could be at this a while.

Day of the Dead

2008-11-21T04:10:00.001-08:00

If you are going out tonight, I highly advise that you watch where you step as you walk. It is expected that roughly 22% of pedestrians this evening may be injured by tripping over a flailing Twilight fangirl lying on the sidewalk. Visit brownhairbrowneyes.blogspot.com to learn what you can do to protect yourself. (The entry will be up very quickly after that blog owner reads this, I'm sure.)

In other news, visited with my friends for the first time in months last evening. I don't know about them but I personally had a fantastic time. Thanks J & R, you guys are the best.

Weight Loss Project: Week 3

2008-11-19T08:27:00.000-08:00

For the sake of continuity, I have posted the photo for Weight Loss Project Week 3. I am, however, ashamed to do so.

The wife and I were out sick from work three days last week. During this time we ate too much junk food and drank too much sugary stuff. Obviously the gym was out of the question. Looking at the comparison photos I'm almost positive I've gained from the previous week. I will need to seriously examine my weight loss strategy to repair this trainwreck.

On the good side, I have scheduled time with my new doctor's office to have a physical and get some information on how to improve my overall health. I should have more information to work with after the first week of December.

Weight Loss Project: Week 2

2008-11-10T16:26:00.000-08:00

Next photo in the Weight Loss Project is up. Unfortunately comparing the previous week to this week is very difficult; you see, I made the mistake in Week 1 of assuming that for my purposes, a hand-held shot from the camera would be sufficient for my purposes.

Oh how wrong I was. It was next to impossible to achieve anywhere near the same parameters from the previous week for this week's photographs.

So, for the rest of this project, I will be making use of a tripod set in very easy-to-replicate situation and will be standing on a specific mark for the shots. Therefore, the next 50 weeks should give us a much more clear picture of any progress achieved as a result of this thing.

Week 3 promises to be interesting.

Musical Meme

2008-11-07T09:03:00.001-08:00

How deeply involved are you with music? Are you a listener? A performer? A composer?

I'm a listener primarily. I tried my hand at a couple of brass instruments as a child, but could not get the hang of it really. I prefer reflecting while others make the music these days.

What is your favorite sound in music?

There are a variety of musicians who can make a harmonica sound downright mournful. I have to say that's probably my favorite individual sound.

You've been given the access, funds, and time to arrange a private concert. You can go alone or invite a small party. Who do you book?

Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra, and I bring myself, my wife, Josh, and Randi.

Are lyrics important to you? If so, what themes do you look for?

Not so much, actually. My mind's usually elsewhere. The sound of the person's voice becomes an instrument itself, the words generally slip into non-meaning.

Have you ever circled the block or sat in your parked vehicle for the benefit of a song?

Occasionally. I cannot cite specific songs here, but I've done that before.

And finally, has your taste in music changed at all over the years? If so, where did you begin, where have you gone, and where are you now?

I've ranged all over throughout my life. There was a time I was into very emo music, believe it or not. I was into Country when I was younger. Hard rock and death metal were in there too, somewhere. These days I'll listen to about anything, modern, old-school, doesn't matter.

Like a nail in a board, waiting for the hammer...

2008-11-05T03:55:00.000-08:00

It is amazing how constant and unrelenting ire, argument, bickering, mud-slinging, misinformation, and dirty pool can make a person honestly uncaring. Months ago I was excited about the Obama campaign, I felt that the focus upon middle-to-lower income families as the stable foundation of sound economic policy was the right approach. Now that he's won, I honestly don't care. I'm more happy that it's finally over and everyone will be shutting up about it soon.

It's abnormally quiet in the office this morning. It's like everyone *knows* what the topic is, they all want to talk about it, but no one wants to be the first to speak. It's like two armies across a battlefield pointing muskets at one another. Every soldier on both sides knows that if he is the first to fire, he will be the one to signal the commencement of death and destruction. What is more, the *tension* is just that thick in here.

God, give me strength for today. It's going to be a long one.

The Great Weight Loss Project

2008-11-03T16:29:00.000-08:00

I have about 80 pounds of fat to lose in order to achieve what is classically known as the "Greek Ideal". That is my goal. Trim body, honed muscle, excellent health. I am setting myself the goal of precisely one year from today to accomplish this.

To this end, I will be posting, in a dedicated Facebook photo album, a torso picture of myself every Monday to catalog my efforts. Every time I update this thing, I will be essentially begging for comments on said photos. Let me be blunt: I am counting on the support of those in my friends list to give me willpower. I seriously have none of my own. It will need to be borrowed, at least initially. I have a feeling once I'm off and running, seeing results, my willpower will improve greatly.

The first picture is now up. The project has begun.

The WoW Experience

2008-11-03T06:46:00.000-08:00

As you all know, I have an on-again, off-again relationship with World of Warcraft. I play on a roleplay server because, to me, MMORPGs have always been somewhat on the dry side gameplay-wise. To me it is always the people who make an online game great, and you tend to find more tolerable people (and by tolerable I mean people who do fewer stupid things and have at least a basic grip on the English language) on an RP server. I also love to roleplay, but the times when I actually get to do that with anyone besides my wife are so rare that I've largely given up on the hobby.

I normally play alone, or just with people I know personally, in real life or via the web somehow. Last night, however, while Jessica chatted with her friends and did homework, I fully embraced the WoW experience for the first time. For those unfamiliar with it, let me outline the WoW Experience. This is the game as the developers have set it up to be played, and how most people play it:

1. Pick a dungeon to run.
2. Use the /LFG function to locate a sufficient number of random people of appropriate class.
3. Storm the dungeon, killing everything you see and rolling dice for the loot
4. (optional) Attempt to roleplay, if on an RP server

I like to start with the pros of any given critique, so here we go:

The action was very fast-paced. It didn't feel like a normal MMORPG to me; there was a lot going on, the game demanded your attention, focus, concentration, and actual gaming skill the entire time. As an added bonus, I was being the primary healer of the group while playing a class not really suited for that role, so I had an additional under thrum of adrenaline the entire time. I was "the man". As in, "the man who makes the group work, who gets all the praise when things are awesome and who gets strung up by his thumbs when the party gets wiped." We had a somewhat flaky tank, and he died a couple times because he apparently didn't understand that I couldn't heal him fast enough when he engaged five people at once, but otherwise it was a successful dungeon run and everyone had a great time because I did my job right. It was a real rush; like all of cyberspace giving you a nice warm pat on the back while at the same time pouring 5 Alarm Chili down your throat.

(Randi, I know, knows what this feels like. She plays healers in EQ all the time. It's a super nice feeling, being the person who enables other players in the game to not be so frustrated, to be able to go back to having fun in short order.)

What's strange about WoW, though, is that many of the pros are also the cons. As I said, it was very fast-paced. There were other things I would have liked to have done; for instance, when the action was getting thickest, I got a message from both Josh and Randi out in AIM that they wanted to chat. Well, I wanted to chat with them too! The problem was, in the dungeon we were in, if I even *blinked* it meant death for everyone. So, I hastily informed them during a very brief lull that I was right in the middle of something, and went back to it. On that same token, it's a roleplay server and people occasionally do make an attempt at roleplaying. I was fortunate enough to be in a group with three people who had a story going. I would have loved to have jumped in, but again, blink=death.

Also, WoW's dungeons are very unique, very hand-sculpted affairs with amazing visuals. That was great, except I didn't get to enjoy any of them for all the chaos going on that I had to manage. There was no time to stop and smell the flowers, take screenshots, make notes, or comment on anything. The creative in me wept in frustration even as the gamer in me thrilled to the experience.

In summary: Dungeon running in WoW is a lot of fun. Just don't expect to be able to multitask. Do it in a time when what you want is a thrill, and in a time when your friends are not likely to be hitting you up for conversation.

Karma

2008-11-02T13:20:00.000-08:00

Well... I was something of a dork earlier this week, so I guess I had this one coming.

Walking through Target, doing our normal shopping routine, we encountered Erin Sweeney and her fiance in the checkout line. She sighted me coming and hailed me. What can one do at that point? I looked right at her, it wasn't like I could pretend I didn't see her. So we stopped and had a conversation that lasted about one minute.

Longest minute of my life.

Let me outline it for you: There is Erin. She looks like she's had nothing but hard living since the last time I saw her, standing there with her fiance, and here I am with my wife. Awkward doesn't begin to describe this. It's the kind of meeting you pray will never happen but you know it eventually will; the Law of Averages outlines how the odds crop up the longer you go without it happening.

For the last five (almost six) years of knowing Jessica, I've done nothing but verbally flail this woman at every opportunity. She is, centrally, the reason my life took such a long time to fix. She put me into a debt that nearly lasted me a decade. She stole my identity and wrecked my credit. She caused tension between my friends and caused my parents to send me to counseling. And here she was flagging me down in the middle of Target.

My stress level is now unbelievably as a result. I feel like someone's been pounding me in the gut for an hour.

Ten Minutes of Blasphemy

2008-11-01T19:49:00.001-07:00

Legend of the Seeker. Let's talk about that for a minute.

I saw only the first ten minutes on the website, but that was enough. Within the *first minute* I could tell they'd already badly mangled the core of the story. The series opens in a strange place; in the book it opens with Richard being stung by a thing called a Snake Vine. Snake Vines grow only in very specific circumstances which I will not spoil, but the fact that they skipped this detail is telling. Things like core story structure apparently don't matter at all to whoever wrote the screenplay.

Anyway, we open with Kahlan fleeing from five men, not four; D'hara employs groups of assassins known as Quads in the books. As their name implies, there are four men to a Quad. Apparently that little piece of lore got chucked for some reason. But that was a comparatively minor detail to what they did next; we see Kahlan entrusted with the Book of Counted Shadows after a few seconds of cheesy fleeing scenes.

Err... that book was supposed to have been memorized, and then burned, by the story's protagonist, Richard. Was supposed to have been done years before the story opens. As a matter of fact, the fact that Richard has this important book memorized is key to the *entire series of books*, not just this first one.

I could go on. There were several other bastardizations of the original source material within this first ten minutes of show. I could take longer than ten minutes just listing all of the places they've gone wrong! Their casting was awful; we got to meet Richard and Kahlan in these first few minutes and neither one of the look or act anything like they should, the acting was very sub-par, the D'haran extra who dies before the end of the scene did a better job than our leading cast members... But, I want to deviate for a moment because there are a few things they did do right.

One would be their special effects. Their rendition of the boundary looks excellent, for instance. Very nice work, art team. Another strong point is the costuming. The appearance of the armor and clothes is very setting-appropriate. It looked different in my head, I might have done it all differently, but not bad there. (Not sure why Kahlan appears to be wearing a black dress under her white dress, but whatev.) Third is their cinematography; Sam Raimi again pleases us with rich colors, drastic camera angles and various other bits of film-shooting goodness.

It just feels like the good thing that almost was. With a different screenwriter and some better casting, we, the fans, may well have had gold on our hands. As it sits, the only people who I predict might enjoy this thing are people who aren't familiar at all with the books, which unfortunately leaves me and my friends completely out.

Good try, Mr. Raimi. Can't win 'em all I guess, better luck next time.

Schism

2008-10-30T12:55:00.000-07:00

Without naming names or specific occurrences, it's difficult to properly express my frustration and sorrow at recent events. I have to make the attempt though; it's killing me not being able to talk about it.

The feelings of my friends, people I've known for years and would never wish harm on, were nonetheless emotionally harmed by my actions. I do have an excuse--I was told something of a falsehood, or maybe I just misunderstood something my wife said--but I'm sure that knowledge doesn't ease the burn to those involved, and I'm not one these days for making excuses anyway. This was my fault. I should have done some fact-checking or something. Anything to avert this disaster.

The summary is basically this: I was under the impression that my wife wanted to pursue a friendship with my friend, but I was mistaken. This obviously resulted in an explosion of social awkwardness and frustration when the two approached one another about it. The details are well-known to all involved, so I don't need to go into them.

What I *do* need to do is apologize for my role in this. I made a mistake and inadvertently hurt my friend deeply. It quite nearly caused her husband to cut ties with me altogether; it required a copious amount of begging on my part to get him to even talk to me again. But I groveled and scraped until he spoke to me, and it was worth it.

I'd do about anything to make up for this. I just wish I knew what it was I needed to do.

Mac'burger

2008-10-27T07:01:00.001-07:00

Well, I didn't want to say I told you so, but I did. Not long after my wife got the chance to work with an iMac for an extended period of time, she was wanting one. It comes as no surprise to me, of course. The iMac is a masterwork when it comes to ease-of-use and media presentation. It is a lovingly-crafted thing of technological beauty, and I'm glad she has it.

Here's the key: I bought it for her. She actually tried to stop me. (Admittedly, she didn't try very hard to prevent it, but still... ;) ) I did it because I want her to have all of the right tools to fully realize her ability. I would never have purchased it for her if I did not whole-heartedly believe in her talent. So, there you are my dear. Your husband believes in you.

In other news, there was Rock Band, Soul Calibur, and pizza last night as we spent time with my brother, who will likely be on a boat in the ocean for the next six years, starting this Wednesday. Much salute to Christopher Mack, now a Navy man. I'll miss you, bro. Be safe out there.

Book news: Outline in my head is complete. Starting tonight, while my wife does her homework, I will be working on my first draft of the detailed, printed outline. This is turning into a much larger project than I ever imagined, vast in scope. I will need to do all of the correct preparation for it.

I had to listen to the downer-rap from my dad while I was getting the oil changed in my wife's car yesterday, though. If you've never heard of it, it goes something like this:

"Well, you know writing a best seller is like getting into the NBA, right? Very few make it, it's a tiny group, you're going to need to have a plan for your future as well, your career, yadda yadda yadda..."

It goes on, but the whole thing basically consists of a series of down-to-earth statements that, while true and make perfectly reasonable sense, do little to inspire. I know he's trying to be helpful, but come on. I already have those concepts firmly in hand. The last thing a writer needs to hear while he's creating is his father's voice in his head, saying he is probably and essentially wasting his time. It's hard enough to not think like that when you're on your own. It's far harder still to have to hear it from a person you love, a lifelong authority figure whose opinion you value over all others.

I've told him, told them both for my mother does it too, not to talk to me like that but they keep on bringing it up. The worst part is, every time I hear this rap from either of them I can literally *feel* my steam running out. Add to that my job, which is mindless and does little for me besides pay the bills and melt my brain, and it would seem all of fate is against me in this endeavor.

Code Monkey Go to Job

2008-10-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

All right... now the for-reals post. The thing about The Force Unleashed was not news about me; it was simply a rant, a way to vent my ire at having those hours of my days wasted in such a manner. This post will actually be about consequential matters.

Last Thursday I came home from work at about 10:00 after being violently ill at my stomach. This continued in bouts for the next two days, keeping me home from work and largely confined to either bed or couch. Sleep was lost due to waking up in the middle of the night to throw up a few times. I could eat nothing, which didn't matter because I didn't want to anyway. I had a high fever and I ached everywhere. Mayo Clinic website suggests food poisoning. I find this likely; no one else in my family or anyone at work is sick or getting sick.

To sum up: My weekend was not fun.

Now, having said that, it did give me some time to bang on the outline for my book a little. In my head; I have not put this thing on paper just yet. This is a new project. I might have mentioned it before, but the fantasy-esque item I was writing has now taken back seat to other ideas in my head, perhaps forever. It was never a particularly inspired tale; I invented it out of necessity. None of my sci-fi yarns wanted to jump up and fly, so I thought perhaps a change of tactics was in order. The trouble was, once I changed tactics, nothing came to me. I had no inspiration. So I forced a tale into existence that was, sorry to say, fairly typical and lame. I then tried to breathe life into it, make it not so typical, not so lame, make it feel like something that well and truly came from me. I have had, as yet, few successes in that direction.

So I'm going to try to start something new. I had an idea for a story centering around a computer programmer (a code monkey if you will) who works a pretty normal desk job, but suddenly starts to see in his code strange patterns that appear to point to future events in various parts of the world. The hints make no sense at all until the events happen, and no one he shows these things to can see the pattern he sees. Suspense thriller ensues.

We'll see where this goes.

The Force Unplugged

2008-10-18T06:20:00.001-07:00

Let's talk about The Force Unleashed for a few minutes.

I want to outline the pros of the game first, since it's such a short list, and then move on to the cons, which will make up the considerably meatier part of this entry.

Pros:
- Several aspects of the game are visually stunning
- Some of the Force Powers are cool
- Excellent physics engine

That's it. That's all the game has going for it. It fails in every other department.

The control is twitchy and ragged, the camera is inexcusably wonky, and not a level went by wherein I didn't ask myself one of the following questions:

"WTF is going on?"
"What just killed me?"
"Where is he? WHERE?"
"How is this even remotely fair?"
"Who designed this level?"

Various others, all similar in scope. Oh, and to anyone who might be reading this and thinking, "Well, he just sucks," let me assure you that I do *not*. I'm 28 years of age, I've been playing video games since I was 6 or maybe younger. I'm a gamer for most of my life at this point. I don't suck. The game does. It's stupid, and the people who like it are also stupid. Simple as that.

Each stage has at least one room in which you enter, and there are guys with sniper rifles, heat-seeking missile launchers, repeating laser cannon, and huge stomping monsters or machines shooting anti-material rounds or throwing rocks or anything else. They can all shoot you at the same time, they can all kick you when you're down, and you frequently find yourself out of life before you can even blink. What is more, and interestingly enough, there is surprisingly little in your arsenal of Force powers to counteract any of this. So you are left with only one strategy: Suck it up. Take your unfair death on the chin, let the game load your last save, and try again. And again. And again, however many times it takes for you to get lucky and make it through.

As bad as that was, the story somehow managed to be worse, and that was the part I really cared about. First, it's too short. It seems large portions of it were cut, and the parts they left in were lousy. The scenes in which character development and plot motion were supposed to be taking place are far too short. There was some serious potential for meat here, but they skimped. Anything that might have been said or done that might have been interesting was crammed into a minute-long max space for each scene. The only reason I can even begin to discern for this was, they were afraid the "gogogokillkillkill" type gamer that doesn't care about story would have gotten bored.

A good example: In one scene, our hero discovers his home on Kashyyyk, a place he has not seen or set foot in since he was two years old. Your mentor advises you over the radio: "Don't go in there. You'll be alone against whatever you face." Fantastic, sounds like a great time to build some storypoints! So he goes in and is confronted by the ghost of his father. The ghost speaks one line, vanishes, and... that's it. Scene over. Back to "gogogokillkillkill"!!!

To hear the people who made it talk, the game was supposed to be about a tragic hero on a path of redemption. That's totally fine by me, I love that kind of story, bring it on. The problem is, we never see anything even remotely like redemption happen to the hero. We're just supposed to guess that it did. In a final scene, you're about to kill the emperor. Your Jedi mentor explains that if you strike him down in anger, you'll be right back where you started. ... Did I ever leave where I started? News to me. All of this death and destruction I'm causing with Dark Side power really strikes me as the kinds of things a redeemed man might do, right? No? Oh well.

Oh, and they went ahead and tacked on a love plot as well. And I mean *literally* tacked on. The girl you see maybe five times in the whole game, all for thirty seconds at the longest length. Their "romance" consists of her giving him status updates over the radio and a few sly smirks here and there. Then, suddenly, before the final level of the game, she's making out with the hero. Wow. Zero to passion in ten seconds. Totally believable.

And the endings, which I am going to go right ahead and spoil, both suck. Seriously. In one you die. In the other you are better off dead and can't be called a real ending; it feels more like a punishment for making a stupid choice than an ending. A lot of game developers are buying into this thing lately: "Hey, let's kill the hero in the end, they'll never see that coming!" OMG Shock! Except... not.

Anti-climatic endings really bring my blood to a boil. I slaved over your crappy game, took one unfair death after another in stride, growled in anger and nearly threw my controller through my TV on more than one occasion, finally get to the end, and... you just kill me? Just like that? I don't even get, like, a saving throw? My God, it's Neverwinter Nights 2 all over again!

I could go on and on. I've vented only a tiny sliver of the ire I hold against The Force Unleashed. I'm so glad I rented. I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever purchase it, or recommend anyone else purchase it. If this were my disc, we'd be finding out just how well it fit in my toaster right now. As it is, I'll be taking it back to Family Video two days early. I do not want it to be in my home any longer than it needs to be.

Parenteral Politikin'

2008-10-16T06:03:00.001-07:00

I've had the opportunity to go over to my mother's house for the last two days in a row. It's worth mentioning that ordinarily, my parents are not very political people. In this instance, though, my entire family is up in arms over the upcoming election. Both nights I was over there, it was impossible to hold a civil conversation with *anyone* due to off-stage debate going on in the living room. Far as I know, nobody in that living room was running for office, but they debated harder and more fiercely than any career politician I've ever laid eyes on, and for far longer than the normally scheduled hour and a half.

It's irritating because I want to see my brother some more before he goes and joins the Navy and is gone from our lives for the next several years, but I don't want to be around the non-stop argument that is going on over there right now. You can't get away from it, either; it's in every room of the house.

Didn't sleep well; too tired to reach a decision right now on what to do about this. Will update this entry later.

And by this, it is meant that we chill.

2008-10-13T08:39:00.000-07:00

The word of the day is "chill."

As in, "to chill out." I need that, my wife's been busy with school, I haven't seen my friends in forever, and my family's got so much stuff going on I barely hear from them. My brother's going into the Navy at the end of the month, it would sure be nice to chill with him for a while before he does that. Some people I work with are somewhat high-strung, I wish *they'd* chill out a bit.

Also as in "feeling a chill." It's freezing in here today, the fan attached to my desk is stuck and I can't turn it off, and I'm not allowed to unplug anything here without someone from maintenance present. Seriously, company paranoia much?

Also, "Chilly." Or perhaps chili. My company is sponsoring a chili cook-off and I've asked Jessica if she'd want to enter hers. Or maybe I just want it, it's been a while and I miss her chili!

Your Obsessions

2008-10-02T04:54:00.000-07:00

You know, I've never come up with a meme before. I figured since I had a few spare minutes this morning, I'd take a crack at it. This is something of a warm-up meme and includes exactly one question:

List your obsessions.

Yes, that's it. That's all. Just list your weird little quirks. We all have them, and they shouldn't be shunned; they are, after all, what make you who you are. The list can be as long or as short as you want, though if you have just one it might be helpful to include an explanation, or a story about it, or something else to put some meat on it.

* I hate shaving. For a reason I cannot explain, shaving feels to me like I'm placing a tiny sliver of pure hell against my skin and scraping hair off with it. I can do it, but it is most unsettling.

* I sneeze violently and frequently when I'm bored.

* I hate having my hair cut or messed with by anybody but myself. Can't stand it, gives me the creeping heebie jeebies. (One important footnote to this one: In a romantic/sexual situation, this quirk reverses. In those situations, I love having my hair messed with. Just one of those weird flip things. I include this detail primarily for the benefit of anyone I happen to be married to at the moment. ;) )

* When I'm at home, I don't wash my hands after using the restroom. When I'm at work or at a friend/relative's house, I wash them twice.

* I hate it when my feet get hot. When I'm asleep and it gets cold in the room, I'll get under the covers, but my feet will almost always be sticking out.

* I can't stand shoes for the same reason. I hate hot feet. I wear them out of necessity, but if I had my way I'd go barefoot everywhere.

Ok, there's my list. Looking forward to seeing yours. -LoF

In the spirit of upcoming costumed holidays...

2008-10-02T04:28:00.001-07:00

Randimeme

2008-09-30T03:55:00.000-07:00

From my friend Randi
Here is a fun and quick way to stay in touch. Let's see how many I get back...

1) Four places that I go to over and over: Target, Citgo, Meijer, Gamestop/EB Games
2) Four people who e-mail me (regularly): Jessica... and, that's it. I am a social butterfly, lemme tell ya.
3) Four of my favorite places to eat: Pizza Hut, Dominos, Fazolis, Texas Roadhouse
4) Four places I would rather be right now: Home, driving range, any golf course, Azeroth
5) Four people I think will respond: I got this from the only person likely to respond to anything. So, my guess? Nobody. :)
6) Four TV shows I watch: I'll have to stretch a bit here, since I have no TV. Shows I watch on the Internet: The Office, The Guild, Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, and numerous YouTube videos.

Here's what you are supposed to do... and please don't spoil the fun...
Hit 'forward,' delete my answers, type in your answers and send it to a bunch of people, including me. Or just blog it, like I did. ;)
It's only SIX questions. Take the time. :)

Professional Idiocy

2008-09-24T08:52:00.001-07:00

No Frikkin' Way.

Thanks to Robyn for this one. Cliff notes version of the above article: PETA wants Ben & Jerry's to start using *human* milk for their ice cream production, rather than milk from a cow.

I... I have no words. I mean, I have words, tons of them, but nothing that that needs to be said. The sheer stupidity of this speaks for itself. (Oh, I'm sorry, did I say speaks? I meant screams through the largest megaphone in Arizona!)

Every day, I look at what happens in the world. Every day it offers up something more dumb than the day before, and I think to myself, "There's no way it can possibly top that." But what does it do? It finds a way, damn it! It finds a way to top it!

I mean, I thought we'd seen the limit when the two perfectly sober girls skipped out of school and decided to go get a tan by laying out on the railroad tracks, fell asleep, and subsequently got their legs badly mangled. I mean, I seriously thought I'd finally seen the bottom of the barrel. I thought we'd finally scraped the boards.

Shows you what I know.

/blush

2008-09-21T15:29:00.000-07:00

So... the latest stint of financial hardship didn't have to happen at all. It was my fault entirely. See below.

There is a link between our old bank account and the new. It was used initially to move funds from the old to the new, and my intention after this was done was to close the link and end our relationship with that bank forever.

I forgot to do this.

Due to a misclick on our new bank's website, $500 ended up sloshed back to the old bank without my knowledge. This led to a chain reaction that made me afraid we had somehow outstripped our means of living by a huge amount. Hence the financial woes post earlier this month.

I discovered this missing amount completely by accident; my brother wanted The Burning Crusade (WoW expansion) for his birthday and requested it early, since his new ship-out date for the Navy is October 30th and he will be unable to enjoy the game after that. I was looking at an old Visa card we had with our old bank to see if there was credit enough to cover it and had a glance at the old checking account while there, and sure enough, there were the missing funds!

It was one of those moments in life, one of those times where it feels as though a gigantic rock has rolled off of your chest. You can breathe again, and you do. A smile breaks out on your face and your eyes close in bliss as you realize all is, in actuality, right with the world.

Then you get up and you want to dance.

Retcon

2008-09-17T08:42:00.001-07:00

Ok, so my last post was incredibly whiny and didn't deserve to be on my webspace. Sorry to anyone who read it. I woke up incredibly depressed for no reason I can pinpoint, wrote that post, went through the first part of my day, had some lunch (thanks to Debbie for loaning me the lunch money), felt immediately better and deleted said whiny post.

Negativity is not something I entertain lightly. Again, my apologies to all.

Gamer Geek Meme

2008-09-11T16:10:00.000-07:00

From my wife.

List every video gaming machine you've ever owned. There's no need to feel ashamed of that Odyssey.

Atari, Nintendo, Genesis, Super Nintendo, N64, PS2, Gamecube, XBox 360, PS3, Wii, GBA, DS, PC

What was your first video game? When and where did you play it?

Joust. Still a great game even today. Why there hasn't been a remake I'll never know.

Do you own or collect OST's, artbooks, or other gaming memorabilia? If not, do you appreciate game music, art, or writing?

A bit... I mostly let my wife handle that. :P

Favorite genre?

RPG easy. MMOs included, folks; they were roleplaying games in the beginning. REMEMBER YOUR ROOTS.

Are you a social gamer or do you prefer to game alone?

Something of a trouble spot there. I used to be a very social gamer, especially where MMOs are concerned. However, the behavior of many online gamers these days makes my brain bleed, so I've eased off this trend. Now I tend to play only with people I know. It's troublesome because I *want* to get to know all the people out there who play, but... they make it so hard!

How frequently do you play?

Daily. In fact, I can't easily recall a day wherein gaming *didn't* come into it at some point.

Would you upgrade your PC or buy a new console expressly to play one particular game?

I'm guilty of upgrading my PC for the benefit of one game. Most recently it was NWN2, a game with unbelievably high system requirements for what you get.

Name some of your geekiest gamer moments.

Probably the best one was trying to get Randi to play MechWarrior. :P Not a girl game. She did all right, though, as memory serves. I think we were trying to get her to fight Amber in a 'net game. Josh might remember the details better than I.

Where would you like to see the industry go?

MORE STORY. MORE DEPTH. MORE MEANING. More to do, more reasons to do it. More more more! Onward and upward. Games will trample the movie industry into the dust yet!

And finally, how would you say video games have impacted your life?

It's a cornerstone. I don't know how sad that is, but gaming is more than a hobby to me. It's part of who I am, it's a cord in the weave that makes me who I am.

Financial Matters

2008-09-10T08:32:00.000-07:00

I received a financial shock this morning. I've been the primary money-handler for quite a while now and thus far, my wife and I have been on solid ground without need of fear or anxiety in terms of what we spend and where. Confident in my bookkeeping, I checked our account online today to verify we were in good financial standing. Turns out we weren't.

We switched banks recently and as it happens, many of our bills come out earlier in the month than they used to. Also IPL double-charged us since the changeover withheld August for some reason. Also our insurance premiums went up in the grand tradition of insurance premiums the world over. Also I purchased a new camera lens for my wife. The list of "also's" goes on for a long time and I needn't bore anyone with the details. Suffice to say, we'd allowed the new financial institution situation combined with runaway spending to place us in jeopardy. Again, no details to be shared, but the dollar figure in our checking account was far lower than I am comfortable with.

That being said, changes are now necessary to prevent further trouble. Speaking to my wife, we have resolved on the following:

* Eliminate unnecessary spending. Games, movies, other entertainment are all on hold until later. Halloween this year is also on the chopping block, though we might be out of hoc by then.

* Eliminate unnecessary driving. If we don't absolutely need to go somewhere, we won't. Fuel is too expensive.

* No eating out. Again, too expensive.

In short, Depression-era living. This happens to even the best of us from time to time, or so I've been told, and because that is true I am not worried. I do, however, feel guilt.

You see, I've poked, prodded, pushed, begged, pleaded, cried, and generally made a supplicant spectacle out of myself with my friend Josh for months in an effort to get him to play City of Heroes with me. He finally bent and spent the money. Now I am being forced to shut my service down, effectively screwing him out of about $40. Josh, I am so sorry. I'll get back in the game as soon as I can, or I'll pay you back somehow. My account doesn't officially close until later, though; we can still play for as long as we both are paid up. I'll happily enjoy the time left with you if you wish.

(I don't know if you even read this thing anymore, but I know your wife does. Randi, be a doll and pass the word if he hasn't gotten it yet, would you?)

Anyway... here's to lean living. Wish us luck; we're going to need it.

Day Late, One Hundred Cents Short

2008-09-06T13:27:00.000-07:00

Meant to do this one earlier. Kudos to Jessica and Randi for this.

A) Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
B) Using only the first page, pick an image.
C) Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.
Here are the questions:
1. What is your first name? Jason
2. What is your favorite food? Steak
3. What high school did you go to? Franklin Central
4. What is your favorite color? Forest Green
5. Who is your celebrity crush? Jeri Ryan
6. Favorite drink? Lipton Iced Tea
7. Dream vacation? Secluded Cabin
8. Favorite dessert? Ritters Frozen Custard
9. What you want to be when you grow up? Novelist
10. What do you love most in life? Writing
11. One Word to describe you. Nerdy
12. Your flickr name. Thilisianis. (Nothing came up though, so used a pic of me my wife took.)

1. Jason (Dark), 2. Steak & Fries, 3. Early evening lights, 4. Raureif, 5. jeri_ryan003, 6. # Everybody adores Lipton ice Tea., 7. Good times..., 8. Ritters, 9. GUY N SMITH - Horror Novelist, 10. When Waves Collide, 11. Space Cube, 12. Jason Mack Is Serious Business

Prepare to be shocked!

2008-09-04T03:29:00.000-07:00

I Am A: Neutral Good Human Bard/Cleric (2nd/2nd Level)

Ability Scores:

Strength-15

Dexterity-12

Constitution-14

Intelligence-12

Wisdom-14

Charisma-13

Alignment:
Neutral Good A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Primary Class:
Bards often serve as negotiators, messengers, scouts, and spies. They love to accompany heroes (and villains) to witness heroic (or villainous) deeds firsthand, since a bard who can tell a story from personal experience earns renown among his fellows. A bard casts arcane spells without any advance preparation, much like a sorcerer. Bards also share some specialized skills with rogues, and their knowledge of item lore is nearly unmatched. A high Charisma score allows a bard to cast high-level spells.

Secondary Class:
Clerics act as intermediaries between the earthly and the divine (or infernal) worlds. A good cleric helps those in need, while an evil cleric seeks to spread his patron's vision of evil across the world. All clerics can heal wounds and bring people back from the brink of death, and powerful clerics can even raise the dead. Likewise, all clerics have authority over undead creatures, and they can turn away or even destroy these creatures. Clerics are trained in the use of simple weapons, and can use all forms of armor and shields without penalty, since armor does not interfere with the casting of divine spells. In addition to his normal complement of spells, every cleric chooses to focus on two of his deity's domains. These domains grants the cleric special powers, and give him access to spells that he might otherwise never learn. A cleric's Wisdom score should be high, since this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

Take that, all you who thought I'd end up a Paladin or a Ranger! :)

As I get older, I tend to lean to a more "realistic" view of the world. Very little is black-and-white anymore; to succeed, a person needs to look at a problem from every angle. I still hold to my faith but I don't accept it blindly. I ask the big questions and I seek the big answers. As for the bard part... hello? Writer! That's a kind of bard. A storyteller, right?

Yeah, I'd say this test is accurate. Accurate indeed.

The Usual Circumstances

2008-08-28T09:54:00.000-07:00

Interesting footnote to my birthday having gone by. The status quot has successfully been maintained: Another birthday has come and gone and I *still* have not gotten a pair of wireless headphones!

Before you ask, no. I will *not* give up on this! It is now a personal quest. Someday, someone, somewhere, for my birthday or for Christmas, is going to gift me with a pair of frikkin' wireless headphones that I can plug into my computer and listen to my music at work with. I've asked every year now for five years. I could have bought myself a pair a long time ago, I'm sure, and there have been quite a few deals in fact... but that would defeat the point of this vendetta. I'm going to intentionally be a stickler on this point. Someone is going to *gift* me with this.

It's an interesting commentary on human psychology, though, when you think about it. People do any number of things around these events, anything from dropping subtle hints to outright screaming what they want. What's odd is, the people who scream at the top of their lungs what they want are the people most unlikely to *get* it. Why? It is apparently considered "distasteful" or something by most people, to get someone something they've asked for. Odd, that.

What are your thoughts on this topic, public? Why do the people who say loud and clear what they want never get it, but the people who (intentionally or unintentionally) hint subtlely are always well taken care of?

(It's worth mentioning that this post is pretty tongue-in-cheek, so don't take it *too* seriously. ^_^)

Status Update

2008-08-26T05:55:00.000-07:00

OK. For those that care (which I assume is all of you ^_^ ), I'm feeling much better. I made some changes to my diet by cutting way, way down on sugar and starch, increased my whole-grain intake, and brought some vitamin supplements into the equation. I feel less tired and more creative. Still feel "detached" a lot of the time, but that could just be my job. I quality check data entry for a living. The world cannot envision a more boring line of work. Feelings of unreality are probably part of the job description, maybe even good for me in this case. It could well be that my mind is defending itself; if I allowed myself to believe that "this is real" while I'm at my desk, I'd probably go insane on the spot.

As for weight loss, the extra pounds still refuse to budge. Somewhat frustrating; all told I eat about... oh, I'ma say maybe 1550 calories max a day. That's right in the "ideal band" for weight loss, as I understand it, but nothing's happening at all. I've been doing it for about three weeks and I'm still *exactly* the same weight I was when I started.

Troublesome.

Somewhat disenchanted with video games at the moment, particularly MMOs. It's strange; I'm too excited about stuff on the horizon to care overmuch about the games that are out now. Pirates of the Burning Sea was fun but no one wanted to play it but me (and I mean that in a worldwide sense, not just my friends; those servers are ghost towns), and my old haunts such as World of Warcraft, FFXI, and EverQuest have seemed to cease their respective siren's songs, at least in my direction. City of Heroes remains a fun passtime, but I find myself impatient to get to the "meat" of the game. It apparently has amazing quests and storylines, but I can't seem to find them anywhere.

EQ2 is all right, might have even scored huge with me if it wasn't identical to World of Warcraft gameplay-wise.

So, once I finish Symphony of the Night, I might hang up the games altogether for a while. Let the wife have a shot at the TV while I read my recent book purchases. Swung by Barnes & Noble last night and picked up the following:

* A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking
* Dracula by Bram Stoker
* The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells

Those were the three that called to me. Those, and the various books located back in the Kama Sutra section. <.< Didn't pick up any of those though.

Anyway, back to the grindstone. One day this grindstone and I are going to have a reckoning, and it won't be pretty when it happens.

Happy Birthday to Me

2008-08-22T04:27:00.000-07:00

Well, as of this morning I am 28 years old. So far, so good. I still feel about the same as I did when I was 19, with the exception of some added pounds and some lost hair. Still love video games, still long to write a novel, still need a brilliant idea for one. In other words, the status quo has been maintained overall, with key advances in some areas and some detractions in others, but nothing major yet. It's at times like this that a man can really buy into the idea that he's going to live forever. All of the evidence is there, isn't it? Twenty eight years old and I still feel and act like a kid. I am not frightened by my mortality.

Mark my words, ladies and gentlemen. I predict it here and now: I will still be this way in a century. You will find me upon my deathbed, and after I've breathed my last, you will have to pry a video game controller (or keyboard and mouse) out of my cold dead hands. If there is a new Final Fantasy or Star Ocean out that year, I'll probably be playing that. If not, I will be logged into the MMO of my choice when I go, and I will deliver unto the gaming universe my final words. What they will be I have not yet determined, but they will be sufficiently awe-inspiring, I assure you. Thinking on it now... man, I can't wait.

My wife got me a gift card to Barnes & Noble, so I should have some new reading material pretty quickly here. Also, Raw Vanilla cologne and aftershave. Apparently it drives the ladies crazy. Certainly it works on Jessica, and since she is the one lady I concern myself with when it comes to attraction, the goal is achieved. She also has purchased for me the soundtrack to Metal Gear Solid 4, a perfect choice since the game has one of the most powerful scores in gaming history and I adore it. Good job, love. :)

Tonight we're going to the IMAX to take in The Dark Knight again. Yes, it's that good. I could see it in the theatre again, and perhaps a third time. Tomorrow, my parents want to have us over, and then Sunday we're doing a sort of combined-birthday thing for myself and Jessica's mom, Julia, who turns age on the 25th. Toyed with the idea of having J & R over on one of these days, but since they were recently in a car wreck (feel better, you two /pat), I think I'ma let them heal up before I start bugging them to hang out again.

Twenty eight years. Here's to life.

Probably my favorite 'net quiz so far...

2008-08-19T02:31:00.000-07:00

I am a Base-defender.

What's mine is mine, and I make sure everyone knows it. Nobody invades my space without permission - I'd destroy everything I own before letting someone take it from me. I tend to be forward-facing, which is both a strength and a weakness. What Video Game Character Are You?

Thinking up titles for posts like this is hard...

2008-08-15T09:04:00.001-07:00

OK. So far, no luck getting a visit to the doctor scheduled. It might have been a lot easier if we'd *had* one. Jessica and I are rarely sick, so until this point we'd discerned no reason to even sign on with a regular physician. Don't worry, I'll get into one. Just takes a bit of time, then it'll probably be a while before they can see me. In the meantime I'm taking some vitamin and mineral supplements that have been known to help out with some of the possible causes of my troubles, so we'll see where this lands us.

As Jessica has mentioned, we're going to a video game music concert this weekend, as performed by the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra. Can't wait. I very nearly sprang for box seats for this gig... in fact, I'm sure I would have if the website had been working properly. Luckily for my wallet, it failed to operate from here which forced Jessica to buy the tickets. She was much more conservative.

She's also apparently finished shopping for my birthday, and is being awfully cryptic about it. What has the crazy woman done now? :)

(Love you, crazy woman! *goofy grin*)

I had the vague idea of maybe having J & R down for another LAN party, or other gaming event, on my birthday. August 22. Thoughts, you two? What sounds good?

Symptomatic

2008-08-13T10:43:00.000-07:00

Writing in my online journal is something of a challenge for me. I am one of those people who simply cannot do it if I have nothing to blog about. Much like my writing, I need true inspiration. I need for the light in my head to go, "Bing!" and set my fingers off on their quest for paragraphs. I don't necessarily need for my muse to sing in my heart or anything so dramatic, but I do need a little something of a push. Just a nudge, really, to get me going.

It is for that reason, faithful readers, that this blog does not get updated as frequently as some other peoples I could mention. /glance-at-wife

I have a confession to make. For the last year or so, I've been writing nothing. I went through the outline of my book and discovered I'd lost all interest in creating that work of fiction. Not that it was necessarily a bad thing, that novel, it just didn't mesh with the time and place I am here in my life. I guess I could force it, but it wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't live and breathe the way I want it to. Best to just let it lie. Perhaps one day I'll come back to it in my mind and it will be there, ready for another go-round through the machinery of my typewriter.

I need a new project, something fresh to spark my interest. Unfortunately, these past several months have provided no inspiration. Working in an office doing quality assurance does not provide the stimulus I need. What do I need? That, readers, is the truly frustrating part. I have no idea what it is that might be the restorative balm for my badly blistered creative streak. My wife and I have discussed it at length and nothing we've touched upon has truly felt like "the answer."

I sometimes wonder whether there is something mentally or physically wrong with me. I do have symptoms, they are as follows:

1> I am tired all the time. From the time I wake up to the time I go to bed, I feel drained.
2> I can't sleep. I toss and turn, and when in bed I feel unbearably hot even though we turn the AC down to cool at night and I sleep on top of the covers with a fan on me.
3> I can't concentrate. I am easily distracted and I procrastinate in my work.
4> My memory is complete garbage. It requires supreme effort to remember even very simple things.
5> I can't lose weight. No matter what I do with my diet or how hard I excercise, this weight refuses to go away.
6> I have no motivation. Any goal I set for myself is usually forgotten by the next day.
7> My sex drive is very low. Basically no interests there on a day to day basis.
8> I'm frequently stricken with feelings of "unreality". Even as I write this I feel like it's someone else doing it and I'm just watching.

Maybe some friendly MD will wander through my blog and tell me what the problem might be. I know I should probably see a doctor but I can't even work up the drive to do *that*.

I need help.

Survey

2008-07-22T06:40:00.000-07:00

My wife's weird internet survey. I must say her questions are unique if nothing else. :)

You find yourself at the mercy of a mad scientist, mastermind, and dynamite raconteur. He gives you a dolorous choice. You, as the test subject for his experiment, must have your human brain exchanged for an animal's. By his warped sense of fairness, he will allow you to pick the species of beast whose brain will soon be yours. You will, he hopes, behave exactly like this animal in every way. What do you choose?

Wow. This is the opposite end of "If you could be an animal, what would it be?" I guess I wouldn't care what brain they put into my body. Could be that of a retarded squirrel destined to become roadkill at a young age for all I care. My brain's just been removed! I'm frikkin' dead!

Name five things.

Five things? Like, just whatever? OK. Here they are, the first five things that floated across my mind: Trigun collection, Tron 2.0, Mithril Chain Shirt, Star Wars Galaxies, Homestarrunner.com

A supernatural emissary comes before you and states you are a god. You search your vast soul and become self-aware of your divinity. Your first words?

"Finally! My life makes perfect sense."

Fashion magazines proclaim the mullet's return to popularity. What are your thoughts?

"Yes! YesYesYesYesYesYesYesYesYesYesYes!" Then I promptly grow one.

Be honest. Have you ever bought a tabloid? If so, which one was it and why did you sink so low?

I can honestly say I've never purchased one of those. I have, however, looked at their headlines on the racks with deep amusement.

A drakee draws near! Command?

>Attack

*nee* *nee* *nee* *thwak!*
Thou attacks the drakee!
Thou hast done 24 damage to the drakee.
Thou hast defeated the drakee.
Thy experience points have increased by 10.
Thy gold has increased by 24.

Let's have a look at your philes. I see three right here:

1. Bibliophile
2. Heterophile
3. Video...game..phile?

If the governments of the world decided to freeze all culture into the likeness of a single era, which would you vote for and why?

Gotta also say the 80's. I loved everything about it, and it was there and gone so quickly I didn't get to enjoy it.

What is the most ridiculous thing you've shouted in a public setting?

"I love eating nuts! Just not in my stuff!"

And finally, if someone offered you a customized robot, what would it look like and what would its functions include? Would you name it?

Gotta be T3-M4 from Knights of the Old Republic. I'd have him tricked out with all the latest modifications and we'd go around fixing starships and...

Ahh. Dreams.

The Boy Who Lived (to quote)

2008-07-11T06:11:00.000-07:00

I didn't even know it, but apparently there exists a House Mackenclaw. (See the comments.) Since I'm the man of said house, I guess that makes it mine. I'm going to be keeping track of points, and apparently we're up by 500 due to knowing the title of a song.

Quiddich, anyone? House Terrydor?

Delusions of Gondor

2008-07-01T08:13:00.000-07:00

So! Evening 1 of the Lord of the Rings Online test, after coming back a year later.

(Again, I want to stress that I'm not giving up playing EQ with my friends or CoH with my wife. This is just something I'm doing for kicks in my spare time.)

So far, so good. It could just be me, but they would appear to have done some things to the color balance and bloom filters of the game to make it appear even *more* visually appealing. This game, for reference, was already renowned for being one of the prettiest out there. That they could somehow make it even more so is really impressive.

Gameplay-wise, it's still very similar to WoW. So much so that I occasionally wonder why I'm not over playing Blizzard's offering rather than this one. Still, it's not entirely to their detriment. The gameplay is ripped off of WoW, yes, but it is very solid as a result and therefore not a complete waste of ingenuity. To say nothing of being *cheaper* and, in my opinion, prettier.

Strong points:
Unbelievably good-looking world, especially at night
Good lore backdrop
Amazing encounters with things like Ringwraiths
Unique crafting system

Mild points:
Storyline (jury's still out on this one, haven't seen much of it)
Combat system
Character customization and appearance (better than a lot of games, but bland)

Weak points:
Mini-quests
Some animations (walking) and sounds (girl fighting)

That last one might confuse you. Seriously, though, when women fight in this game, they sound a lot more like they're in a porno than in a fight for their lives. You'd just have to play and hear it to realize what I'm talking about.

Anyway, I'd give it a 7.5 of 10 overall, with a 10 of 10 for value. I wouldn't pay full price for it, but for ten bucks, it's a hell of a lot of game.

Thumbs up!

Not Another MMO Hop

2008-06-30T08:36:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I go on the Lord of the Rings Online website for the heck of it. I was following that game pretty closely right up until it launched, then I played the beta, was bored out of my mind, and passed it off with a definitive "meh." Yesterday I thought, "You know, maybe they're doing something new with the game now, they've had a year to work on it."

Turns out they are doing something: They're selling the game for ten bucks. For that, you get the full game and get to play for a month. Also, the monthly price has fallen from $15 to $9.99.

So I bought it. I know, I know, I was just talking about how heavy I was into City of Heroes. You know what? I still am. I'm not giving that up, and I'm still playing EQ on Wednesdays with my friends, believe it or not.

I didn't drop the money on the game honestly believing that I'd be sucked into it. MMOs have a hard time doing that to me anymore. It was just... you know, *ten bucks.* Why not? At these prices I'll take the plunge. If I feel guilty later I'll skip my coffee for a few days. I'd even be willing to throw down for Jess, Josh, and Randi so they could try it with me. I could do that and *still* not be paying as much as I would for a normal game off the rack at Gamestop.

(Actually, I wouldn't even need to do that, come to think of it. They've got a free trial of the game rolling right now. Hmm.)

In other news, work is going exceedingly well. It seems at the moment, here in the office, I can do no wrong. Go me.

Anyway, lunch is over. Will write more later.

Lovin' It

2008-06-23T08:09:00.000-07:00

So, today begins the "divided days" work model that I was talking about to most of my readers. If you haven't heard, let me bring you up to speed: As of today, I spend the first part of my 8 hour shift out at one plant location, then I wheel across town and spend the second half of the day at the other. It takes about ten minutes to walk from where my office is out to my car, then ten minutes to drive from point A to point B, then ten more to walk in to my other office. So I kill a half hour with this transition every day.

This has the very agreeable side-effect of making my days seem really short somehow. Instead of one goal that's 8 hours away, I have two goals that are four hours away each. I still spend the same amount of time working day to day, but it really doesn't feel like that somehow. Hmm.

Anyway, possibly playing EQ with four players has been the topic of discussion for the last couple days. Me, I'm all over this. I love it when the four of us game together.

Gift Idea

2008-06-20T05:04:00.001-07:00

I want to give plenty of warning on this. My birthday's still a couple months off, but the long heads-up is probably going to be necessary in the end.

I want only one thing for my birthday. I will accept it from anyone.

Somebody figure out how to get the theme from The Office onto my phone as a ringtone. Sounds easy, right? It ain't. I have no 'net or texting service on this phone. I do, however, have bluetooth file transfer capability. The answer to this problem will likely have to do with getting the ringtone file into the phone via that method. How, exactly, I have no idea.

I could probably solve this one for myself, true. But I don't want to. I'd rather someone figure it out for me and call it my birthday gift. My phone is a Samsung SGH-D357 if that helps.

Take a deep breath...

2008-06-12T04:00:00.001-07:00

Now that I am calm, I guess I should clarify my entry from yesterday a bit. I've had the chance to think back on my experiences with EQ now and "remember the good times", as it is said.

Thinking back on it, the ratio was about 80% suck and 20% awesome. It's that 80% that gets my ire up, makes me really angry when I think about it. I know it seemed like I was aiming all of my anger at Josh and Randi. I think they were under the impression that they were the only ones I played the game with, and that therefore I was blaming every bad experience I ever had in the game on them. If it felt that way, I apologize. That was not my intent. Quite the opposite, in fact. J, R, you two are the only ones I ever really enjoyed playing with. You guys comprised most of the 20% up there. Admittedly, not when I was being powerleveled--that was boring and stunted my interest in the game rather badly--but everything else was great.

EQ is a touchy subject for me, that's all. I sincerely apologize for taking my anger out on you two. You didn't deserve that.

Eating Counted Crows

2008-06-11T04:38:00.000-07:00

This morning I find myself both abashed and pissed off. Prepare yourself, you are about to read a post full of petulant whining about something really dumb. If this does not interest you, stop reading now. You have been warned.

Josh and Randi made a point to me last night. It took me a full night and a morning to realize it, but when I was told last night, "Sure, Jason, we'll play City of Heroes with you! You pay for our accounts and we'll commit to a couple nights a week," that they were making fun of me. I'd made a similar offer a couple months ago regarding EverQuest. So, point taken, having it fired back at me in this manner does make it sound like a decidedly stupid thing to say. I concede that, and I apologize.

Since we're slinging mud here, though, I would like to take this opportunity to at least attempt to defend myself.

People (not just J & R, but a lot of people I still talk to from back in the day) think that I'm unnecessarily hard on EverQuest. While it's true that I rant about them, really the outdated graphics and sound don't bother me in the slightest. The somewhat repetitive gameplay is expected and embraced by me. A guy I used to play with and now work with, James, was the first person to call it. He guessed I just had sour grapes because I wasn't able to keep up, because I just didn't have it in me to put in ten hours a night. He's right. Oh MAN is he right.

I have absolutely nothing but poor memories of EverQuest. Everyone else I knew had a great time with it, but I never did. It caused friendships to turn rocky and girlfriends to leave. It caused me depression. It caused me to, when I tried to catch up with the people around me who were also playing, to go for long stretches (I think the longest one was a week) without a shower or sleep. It caused my parents to send me to counseling because they were certain I was about to kill myself at one point. (I wasn't.) I seriously can't think of a single time I ever had fun playing it. It caused me nothing but grief.

The fun of that game was supposed to be playing with your friends, either the ones you had in real life or the ones you made in the game. That's what I wanted out of it. Play with my friends. Except, I never got that. As I said, I didn't have the stamina to devote every ounce of my free time to the game. Everyone I knew who played outpaced me in a hurry and I couldn't play with them anymore. *They* all could play with one another, of course, and I'm sure had a million laughs in the process. I got invariably left behind. I was told they didn't mean for it to work out that way. The prevailing theory the whole time I guess was, "Well, we can keep playing. Jason'll catch up." But of course I couldn't. Catching up implies leveling at a faster speed. How in the hell was I supposed to do that?! Put in more time than them? They were already playing ten hours a night and every single available minute of every weekend! How do you top that?

I remember this vididly: At one point, this problem was realized and everybody was really sorry. "OK, here's what we'll do. We'll make a set of characters and only ever play them together. If someone can't play that night, we won't play those characters. We'll go back to our mains." Great. Perfect plan and I was overjoyed to hear it. Finally I'd get to play the game with my friends and have fun. Imagine my surprise when, after logging off one night and skipping a night to do something else (I think my family was having a cookout or something, I can't remember), I logged back on the following day to find everybody fifteen levels higher than me.

What the hell? And what was more, nobody could really offer an explanation on that. It was like, "Well, what were we supposed to do, wait on you?" YES, DAMNIT! YES! THAT WAS THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT! I would have waited on any of them if they'd been gone that day, so why am I denied the same courtesy?

So, after a couple more attempts at that plan with the same thing happening, I gave up on it. Instead I started asking to be powerleveled. By now, the game was well and truly dead for me, but I thought I'd at least strangle all my options before giving up the ghost permanently. Leveling was slower in the high end. I thought maybe if I could just get there, I'd be able to play enough to keep up. And, hey! At least I'd be playing with my friends again, if only as a miserable toadie. That was better than nothing.

The trouble was, by the time I started asking for this powerleveling, everyone else was unbelievably high level. So I needed a lot. This is where my reputation as an EQ moocher arose. Pretty soon people were putting me on ignore lists and making up excuses when I hit them on AIM asking about it.

In the background of all this, by the way, I had about four girlfriends, all of which dumped me primarily because I was an EQ nerd. The friendships I had (ok, to be fair, they were more like acquaintances; I never have had many real friends) that didn't involve the game had long since whithered away. And, as I mentioned, I'd slipped into a severe depression and my parents were sending me to counseling and considering more penetrating therapy.

Finally, I decided I'd had enough and hung EverQuest up for good. I moved on to other games, tasting of many different flavors, trying to find one I fit in on. A few have been close. I actually managed to max out on Star Wars Galaxies, for instance. Only took three years. (For reference, most people could accomplish it in a couple of weeks. Don't ask me how, I have no idea.) Shame I'm married and have a life now, it might have been worth it to see what it was all about. Hang out with my guild, do the high-end content, all that stuff. See what I missed in other words.

Just recently, as my current friends know, Sony offered me some free EQ time to come back and try the game out. Sweet of Sony to do that to me, make all that mud in my head resurface. But, you know? I'm older and wiser, and the friends I have that still play have more structured lives. I figured maybe it would be different this time. So I reinstalled it, made a character, and once again Josh and Randi made new characters. The agreement was once again struck. "Ok, we're only going to play these together. We'll level up at roughly the same rate and have good times and be friends and it'll be fun." Superb. Except... when I logged on for the first time, there they were, one of them already ten levels over me. What was more, they were all twinked out in high level gear that they'd gotten from their other characters. Wow, guess *I'll* be useful in this group, huh?

We played one session. I got to level 8. I had fun but I got the distinct impression that they didn't, which bore out because I was never asked to play again. A few days later Josh mentions it in passing, saying something to the order of, "Yeah... your guy's still level 8 or so, huh?" That was all I needed to hear. I'd been left in the dust once again, even though we'd agreed to try and stay roughly the same level to start.

(I heard later that they were waiting for *me* to invite myself into their playtime, which tastes like pure bullshit to me. HELLO!? You two have a slew of max level characters to play, you have a guild to look after, you have other time commitments I don't have. EverQuest is your house now and you wanted me to invite myself in?! Yeah right, I don't buy it.)

So, when I said I'd play if you guys were footing the bill, I was only being half-serious. Half, because the only way I'd ever let someone push that shit down my throat again is if they were paying or if I was somehow otherwise getting it for free. That game has done nothing but abuse me and it's left some serious scars. I will never again spend another fucking dime on it.

Rant over.

Two Months

2008-05-21T19:30:00.000-07:00

So I took a two month blogging break. Shoot me.

After becoming unemployed, I decided to take a break from everything. Anything I felt was an obligation, I unplugged from it. I took the severance pay and took time to myself to purge the fixation. Simple as that.

I also did not blog. Why, you ask? The short answer was that for those two months pretty much nothing was going on. I sat around here and did nothing. I tried to work on my book but it jammed on me, no idea why. Pretty much I sat around and played video games for almost two months.

You might find that idea somewhat repulsive. Self-indulgence to the highest degree. You know what? I don't care. I needed it. I needed a nice, long break from the grind. Now that I've had it I can go back.

At first I thought I'd try something different. I contracted myself and my truck into a nightly delivery route of medication to nursing homes around Indiana. The work was enjoyable, though a bit on the humdrum side. It turned out that it wasn't for me, though; not only did the company take every chance it could to screw me out of money, I also hit a deer and destroyed my truck. I'd only been at the job for two weeks and I'd already obliterated my vehicle. The signs, as the eight ball say, pointed to no. So I quit that and am now returning to my office, which coincidentally developed an opening for me.

I feel that--and correct me if I'm wrong here--that my unplugging from everything may have accidentally disconnected me from my relationship with my friends as well. That I would also like to remedy, if you guys are still reading. Here's hoping you are.

Anyway, I will write more tomorrow. Time to start hooking back in to life.

Everybody else was doin' it...

2008-05-21T19:27:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to feel popular.

Jason took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in ..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

Guy on a Gate

2008-03-21T08:43:00.000-07:00

My wife and I have our next ~~roleplay~~ collaborative creative writing project. It's in the works, which means at the moment we're mapping it out, deciding what plot elements to include, where the story will begin and end, how many people to involve, where we're going to host it, etc. It is to be based upon the Legend of Zelda universe, which has been a subject of great interest to the both of us lately.

Why do we do this? I cannot speak for my wife, though I have my guesses, but for me it can be summed up in one word: Practice. The more I write, the more I want to write, and vice versa. At the moment I haven't written anything for two months. I need a kick start. This sounds like fun, so we'll work with it first.

The character my writing will be observing is a Hylian gate guard. Yep. Just a guy watching a gate, making sure nobody steals it. I haven't worked out much about him except that I want him to be a fairly substantial nobody when this adventure begins. Just average Joe with a boring job.

What are your opinions, readers, about characters like that? Characters who begin their "adventuring lives" at a normal place? Personally, I like characters like this. People who are forged into heroes by extraordinary circumstance, circumstance that has nothing to do with their pasts. With these characters, there's no potential for anything corny later on (ie. Vader: "No! *I* am your father!"), and there exists amazing possibility for exploration of the human soul, the human condition.

Some people find this kind of thing boring, but I personally believe there is real storytelling potential in a regular guy/girl, living their regular life, with their regular parents and regular siblings, who is suddenly thrust into irregular circumstance and changed into something more by it. My book, should I ever manage to get it off the ground, will center on this concept.

I'd love to get this guy to do some character art. He was trying to get on with Marvel Comics but was rejected. I can see why; his style is just a *bit* on the cartoony side. While that worked against him there, it earned him my business because that style is what will be needed for this body of work. His official website can be found here and he does take commissions at fairly reasonable prices.

The debate table is officially open. Let's hear your opinions.

Scary Stuff

2008-03-19T08:14:00.000-07:00

I have been having *weird dreams* over the last few days. Weird and violent. Nightmares in truth.

Yesterday I had one that involved a family of fifteen or so, all living in a ratty house in the middle of nowhere. People sleeping on couches, on rugs on the floor, and in rat-chewed armchairs. There were holes in the walls, filthy dishes stacked high, flies.. The living conditions were downright shabby and overcrowded. The scene finally culminated in the oldest member of the family--really old guy--ripping out a gun and mowing down most of the rest of them. There were a lot of other details, that's basically a summary.

Then this morning there was another dream that involved my boss, who in real life just left on maternity leave, giving birth to some kind of deformed goat rather than a human baby. Again, more details to that one, just presenting the key event.

I don't know what to make of this. On one hand I'm happy my dreams are back. I've been so depressed and exhausted lately that I haven't been having dreams. If I don't dream, my creative juices refuse to flow for the rest of the day and I can accomplish no inventive thinking, which means I can't write. Now I feel a little more creative, a little more connected to the world around me, and the typewriter doesn't look like such a fearful bit of metal anymore.

On the *other* hand, these dreams disturb me deeply. These aren't the kind of images I normally associate with my normal brand of thinking. The details are much more macabre than what I am used to, the subjects more gruesome.

It makes me wonder just what my subconscious mind has been working on in its absence.

249.8

2008-03-17T07:17:00.000-07:00

I cannot accurately describe what it was like to see the scale report my weight last night, but I'm going to try with this post in my blog. The precise number given was 249.8, which is close enough to 250 for the government, but there is a difference. My friends and faithful readers, there is a large difference indeed. What, exactly, you may ask? Simply this: There's a 5 in one of those numbers, and a 4 in the other.

Seeing that number appear made my heart skip a beat. Two beats, once I'd weighed myself for the third time and discovered I hadn't just been standing wrong on the scale. I can't remember the last time I saw my weight land in the 240's, and to find myself there again--even if it is just by the barest thread under the line--is a real treat.

Let me get positively artsy on you. It's a marker, a post along the trail with my destination scrawled across it in black charcoal on a pointed board. The worn wood of this stereotypical "dusty path in the badlands" sign is still in good enough shape to point the way, and wouldn't you know it? It's pointing the way I've been going. The sun may be hot, the landscape may be bleak and unforgiving, and the road may be full of tumbleweeds and trail dirt, but by God, it is the *right road* and if I follow it I'll get where I'm going.

Need a Dream Analyst

2008-03-12T08:53:00.001-07:00

This morning, I had a dream. It went like this:

I was back at my old job delivering drugs to nursing homes. Only now, I was doing the job on a white bicycle. I think this was a bike I owned when I was a young teen. Behind me I was pulling a cart full of the medications I was delivering. The cart was a rusty red one, again from my childhood that I would normally pull behind the lawnmower and throw yard skree in.

On my route, I landed a flat front tire. I wheeled around all over the place looking for someone to fix this flat, but it was 11:00pm and nothing was open. Finally I found this one place that was closing up for the night, but the girl there agreed to fix the tire real quick. She rode the bike into the back of her shop on its back wheel, kinda doing a wheelie the whole way because the front one was flat. I didn't get a good look at her. I think she was blond.

There was someone else there with me the whole time, telling me things that I can't remember. His voice was gibberish, and I only ever glanced at him. Never did get a good look. We walked around talking, but the conversation made no sense. Finally went back to pick up the bike and there it was. I remember being happy because the bike was fixed, but now the shop was closed and the blond was gone, so I didn't have to pay.

I went back along my way. The last thing I remember is getting a buzz on my pager. I don't recall the number, but it started with 1-900 and I remember knowing that it was my boss.

Then I woke up.

Take a crack at that one, all you would-be dream analyzers. Let's see what you come up with.

These Are My Confessors

2008-03-03T12:10:00.000-08:00

There's something about being in a bookstore. To me, there is no other feeling quite like it. It is there that I want to be, in a building crammed left to right, top to bottom, corner to corner with tomes of various sizes, shapes, and thicknesses. Facts, fictions, opinions, ideals, mountains of it gathered in one place. The scent of the paper, ink, and binding glue wanders into my nostrils and I'm swept away.

The bookstore in question was Barnes & Noble in Greenwood. My wife and I visited there for the first time since it went up. There, among my paper peers, I was compelled--indeed, perhaps even possessed--into buying a book. I felt that to enter into that place and leave again without having made a purchase would be some kind of blasphemy.

So I bought Confessor by Terry Goodkind. The latest and, perhaps, last book in the Sword of Truth series.

I'm about halfway through it already, but I can definitely say that so far it's been a good yarn. The last couple books have waxed preachy in too many places and rehashed material from far too many predecessors, but this book doesn't seem to suffer this curse. It is a more compact, more streamlined work.

I want to hold my review until I've finished the piece. I just thought my readers (such as you are) might enjoy knowing I am once agan back in the literature saddle. I fully intend to begin writing again as well. But first, this book.

Endless Game Review

2008-01-23T12:41:00.000-08:00

For Christmas, I was given a $50 gift card for Gamestop. Thank you very much, Conrad, you know me well.

I've just now gotten around to making use of it. The trouble was that I hadn't been giving my hobby of video gaming much thought. My wife might scoff; perhaps I should clarify. I hadn't been giving NEW video gaming much thought. I'd been playing such games as Mass Effect, Assassin's Creed, and Star Wars Galaxies.

(Minor footnote: Yes, I am well aware that both Mass Effect and Assassin's Creed came out very recently and therefore might be considered new gaming. Well, not to me they weren't. Both games have been on my radar for years now. By the time I'd finally played them, I felt as though I'd just been given everything I knew I would receive all along.)

So, giftcard in hand, I decided to take a flying leap away from good sense and purchase a couple of games I knew absolutely *nothing* about. The two games in question ended up being Endless Ocean and The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass. The former is on the Wii, the latter on the DS.

I have not yet cracked the case on Phantom Hourglass, but let me just say this about Endless Ocean: It is absolutely beautiful in every respect. Easily the best looking game on the Wii to date. To me, it is a scream of truth in the face to anyone who says good graphics on the Wii are an impossibility. Wake up, Wii developers! The system is more powerful than you're letting on. Grow some talent and make some real games!

The above is said in a sort of pseudo-relief, in that Endless Ocean is *not* a game, not as we know it. The objective is to swim. Swim, swim to your heart's content. Become familiar with the sea life. Look down upon glistening coral. Explore shipwrecks. Listen to the breathtaking musical score. It is not a game. It is a work of art in the vague shape of a game. There are objectives to be sure, but none of them are of the "Kill the huge man-eating shark, save the world" variety. It's something of a shock to think that there are all manner of lifeforms swimming around with you as you dive, and *gasp!* nowhere in your objectives does it become necessary to kill any of them!

Anyway, the musical score includes (a somewhat renowned vocalist whose name I cannot remember but will edit in later). Her voice in the score will either make you weep for joy of beauty, or make you want to rip off your ears and eat them, depending on your tastes. If you don't like her, the makers of the game wisely included a function that permits you to listen to your own MP3s off the Wii's SD Card Reader while you play. Very smart technology and I hope more games make use of it.

Overall, I'd recommend picking up Endless Ocean if you're into this sort of thing. Only you can answer that question for yourself.

Brawl may have Sonic, but Soul Calibur has the Force!

2008-01-14T05:20:00.000-08:00

http://www.gametrailers.com/player/29535.html

So apparently Darth Vader and Yoda are going to be in Soul Calibur IV.

This makes me want to do many things; some good, some bad. It is a truly rare quandry. Part of me wants to cry for joy and giggle like a schoolgirl with a crush. Another part of me wants to leap from the tallest cliff in Indiana and embrace death. Still other parts of me argue over whether the PS3 or XBox 360 would be the platform on which to own this, considering the game will only feature one of these Jedi, and which one you get depends on which platform you own. For the curious, those who purchase the PS3 will be treated to the presence of Vader in their fighting game, whereas those of us with the 360 will be in the care of Yoda. Not possible, I'm sorry to say, to have both at the same time unless you own both systems and buy the game twice.

In other news, not a lot of writing got done this weekend. I'd normally lament that, however it was the weekend of my wife's birth. It was a weekend for her, and we spent it as such. Friday was dinner and hanging out with friends. Saturday we spent as she dictated; I performed any task and took her anywhere she liked without complaint or hesitation. (If you know me, you know that's a treat.) Sunday we spent with her mother and stepfather and then wandered around for a few hours looking for soap.

No, I'm not kidding. Her facial bar that she uses to keep her skin cleansed of blemishes ran down to the final sliver on Sunday morning, and when we went to Meijer to look for more they were out. This is the only stuff that works for Jess and she apparently feels just grody all day without having washed her face in it, so it was absolutely imperitive that we find her some. Problem is, we didn't. Meijer, Target, Walmart, CVS, Walgreens, nobody had this antibacterial facial bar.

So, what do all 'net-savvy people do when they can't find something? We ordered it online. What will end up being a year's supply of this stuff cost us eighteen bucks, and free shipping ta boot. Hey, sold!

I've ordered many things online, from dinner to major appliances, but I've never been able to claim ordering soap until now. It's easier for me to recount what I *haven't* bought from an online store in the past; that list is actually smaller.

Gym Beam

2008-01-08T11:13:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how much poking and prodding a man can receive over the course of a day to write in his blog. Not that I mind; I consider it a form of flattery bordering on unspoken love and adoration. It would have to be. These people have a thirst that can only be quenched by my written words! I think you'd have to be at least enamored with a person to desire their writing this badly, especially when one considers the complete lack of anything interesting in my posts.

Once again, I put my nose to an incredibly daunting, tall as a birch tree, sixteen thousand RPM, fine-grain grindstone. This is a truly bad ass stone wheel, emblazoned on its side in fiery letters that say, "GET IN SHAPE!" It's my fault, really; I did it to myself. I always gave myself more credit than I deserved. I never dreamed I would have the weight problem I now face, and I always told myself I would never get myself into this situation. It was a covenant with my own body that I can no longer deny adulterating on. Mel Gibson knows the penalty of such a transgression well. As they say in Thunderdome: "Bust a deal, face the wheel."

Monday morning, I spent nearly an hour on the treadmill. That night I lifted. One day down, roughly two hundred to go. That's one big hill to push the boulder over. I am, however, encouraged by just one evening's results. I can feel my muscles rejoicing at being put to work even now. It gives me confidence, makes me believe that I can be successful and achieve the rock-hard abs, the proud pectorals, the lean and trim skin stretched snugly across the surface of each workhorse in my body.

In other news, four more pages of manuscript over the weekend. This is a much slower pace than I am used to. Four or five pages every few days? Would that I could give more to the typewriter, but I simply lack the energy most nights. When I get home from work, I'm good for a meal, a chuckle at whatever Futurama DVD we put in, perhaps a video game or two, and if it was a good day, possibly an adventure between the sheets of our bed. That's it. That's all I've got juice for.

Some of it is interchangeable; I'm having to trade video games for weight lifting now on some nights. To look at it in strictly technical terms, though, none of those activities could be traded in for a writing session. After a spiritually and emotionally draining day at the office, what little spark I have remaining cannot hope to light the boredom-soaked tinder of my creativity. I have elected to not even bother from this point forward, not unless I am truly feeling it for some reason on a given work night. It happens, sometimes when I least expect it.

One other item of note: My wife has mentioned an interest in updating this blogs layout, using my typewriter as her inspiration. I know you're reading this, love, and if you decide you wish to do it you have my full support and, indeed, my expectant enthusiasm. Since Livejournal I've never had a blog layout I was truly happy with. It would be nice to see it again.
Thank you for your time, faithful readers. I promise I will post again very soon.

Leaving the Wii Places

2008-01-02T04:55:00.000-08:00

The new year is upon us. This is not news. If you were unaware, I'd love to see the hole you've been living in. It's probably got some great stuff at the bottom. Like... Atlantis. It is not news that the year is now 2008, but I mention it anyway out of a sense of tradition, as well as some other reasons that will be given color later in this post.

As the new year begins, I cannot help but notice that for the last... oh, two weeks or so, I've failed to update my blog. Even under challenges and proposed deadlines by my friends, even threats of pain and death, I simply could not be brought to write a post in here. The reason is decidedly simple: I was on vacation. What do you want to see in my blog? "Well, today I didn't take a shower until about four in the afternoon. I sat around and played video games, ate chicken patties, and achieved level 90 in Star Wars Galaxies." That about sums it up for each of my days off.

Actually it doesn't; come to think of it, there were some items of note.

We saw Josh and Randi on Christmas Eve, right around lunch-ish. We exchanged gifts, talked, ate, laughed a lot, had a pretty good time in general. From them, I received (in random order): A Darth Vader Potato on a Keychain, a Star Wars Calendar, and a package of socks. I asked for those on the advice of Albus Dumbledore: "One can never have enough socks." My wife received a mortar and pestil, and an apron for the kitchen. She immediately made use of both when we got home and many evenings since, so good call you two.

(IMPORTANT NOTE: If I've forgotten anything, don't take offense, just leave a comment and I'll fix it. It's early on my first day back at work. To give you an idea of my state of mind right now, I didn't even realize what flavor of Gatorade I'd bought with my breakfast until I'd gotten back to my desk. This is telling, since I *thought* I'd purchased tea.)

We then proceeded to the Christmas Eve/Christmas Day Proper, which included time with her dad, time with my parents, was *supposed* to include time with my grandparents but we didn't make it because we were both pretty wiped out, and time together. Christmas is a time for taking a limited amount of daylight and dividing it six ways, as all family people know well.

We spent time with her father on Christmas Eve, late in the evening. Gifts were exchanged, mostly of the gift card variety. Not a single bad thing to say there; I'm very much a gift card person. People have a hard time shopping for me since my needs and wants are so simple and I never know what the hell I desire until I actually desire it, which is never around Christmas since I have so much else on my mind. My wife made chili for the first time and it was a huge hit. Jessica: "Your skill at Cooking has increased! (1)"

Christmas morning, my wife and I did our thing. This was the highlight, the real handle, since I'd been dying to know what it was that my wife had done for me and had been dangling over my head for more than a month. What I unwrapped, I didn't believe: A 1938 Underwood typewriter. The Workhorse. Fantastic condition, works, perfectly... this, friends, was a find in and of itself. She also got me a towel with the number 42 on it (it's funny if you get the joke), and Mass Effect and Mario Galaxy as stocking stuffers.

Needless to say, I felt a little spoiled.

For her, I gifted her with a wireless Wacom tablet, Sketchbook Pro 2 to go with it, and the art book for Assassin's Creed. See her blog for her reactions on those things, if any.

The typewriter, smelling ancient in its original 1938 carrying case, made the trip to my parents house. I had to brag.

In a time where my parents are wondering where their next meal is coming from, it was odd to then go over to their house and see that they'd somehow dug *deep* and gifted everyone once again, and richly. My brothers were there, my sister-in-law, my nieces and nephew... It was noisy and crowded, but also warm and smiling and love-filled. In other words, Christmas in all its glory.

The day ended with us sleeping like rocks and my wife going back to work the next day, while I remained at home alone and got real cozy with Mass Effect. I'll be writing a review of that and Mario Galaxy later on, so don't worry. I also got my X-Wing out of the hanger and flew around space in SWG for a while. I rewrote the first few chapters of my book on the new (old) typewriter, which takes some getting used to. I slept a lot. In other words, detox for the gamer's soul. A good mental scrubdown from a year of mindless tedium at my current employer.

New Years was a fun time. Hung out with my bother, his friend James, and his wife. We left the Wii in his care since he's got nothing else to do. He'll probably master Guitar Hero in all the alone time he'll have with it. /grumble

This... has gotten wordy. I will write another one tomorrow.

The Bowl

2007-12-20T04:39:00.000-08:00

Something has been going on since I've started working here that I've never related to anyone. It is one of those things that is just too weird to talk about without sounding insane. I'm going to make the attempt this morning, but don't say I didn't warn you, 'cause I did.

On my third day with this company, I was in the cafeteria and saw a fold-out card table with a cheap glass bowl on it. The bowl had a post-it note in the bottom that read "Do Not Remove" in bright orange letters. Neither the bowl nor the table were particularly remarkable; they could very likely each be purchased from Target or Walmart for under ten bucks each. I thought it was mildly humorous at the time, but I'd just started a new job and had more pressing matters on my mind.

So now, almost four years later, I go to that cafeteria and order breakfast. The bowl is still there, the table is still there. Nothing in the bowl besides the post-it note, nothing on the card table besides the bowl, and as far as I know they've always been that way. It's not like they're putting loose change or napkins or anything in the bowl, either. They've been there every day for the last four years and no one has touched them. I finally got up the nerve today to ask the cash register lady what the bowl was there for. The one I asked didn't speak english well enough to answer me, but the one behind her piped up quickly enough. Her response was essentially that she didn't know, and no one she worked with knew either. It has always just been there.

Now I'm seriously freaked out. I walk over to the table to get a good look at this thing and I notice there is no dust on it. Not on the table, not on the bowl, not on the post-it note in the bowl.

What could it mean? Is it repelling dust? Probably not; the simple answer is that someone comes along and cleans the thing every night. But why? What's it doing there? More importantly, why can't it be removed? What's so damn important about this bowl? Is it marking one of the laylines of the universe? Would our world--indeed, perhaps even all worlds--be endangered by someone removing that glass bowl from that cheap fold-out card table?

I actually found myself frightened to touch it. My imagination was running away with me by this point, and it was causing me very real terror. I thought, "What if something happens? What if, say, someone knocks into the table and the bowl falls off? What will become of us?"

My rational mind clicked back into place a moment later, I chided myself for being silly, and walked to my office, leaving the bowl right where it was. I'm not afraid to move it; I know that if I do, what I will find is a ring of dust and perhaps an impression left in the soft surface of the card table. I just would rather not. That bowl's got a long history of sitting right where it's at, fueled by nothing more than the willingness of others to obey written instructions.

I'll be damned if I'll be the one to spoil it.