As I was walking down the hallway here at work, I noticed a woman in front of me. I couldn't help noticing her, wife, sorry.
The problem was this: She was putting *everything* on display. Not intentionally, I'm sure. Her dress was of appropriate cut and length for the workplace. The problem was the material. It was this white, light cotton affair that hung loosely around her shoulders, a summer dress or some such, one that I'm sure felt fantastic in the increasingly humid and warm environment we've got going in this office. However, what I'm sure this woman failed to take into account was the effect of florescent light upon the fabric. Without meaning to, she was flashing every nuance of her body's shape as she walked, as well as advertising her undergarments to the point where I'd recognize her bra and underwear makes if I saw them on the rack at Target.
Now, let me be clear. I understand that this happens to a small degree and in most cases is perfectly acceptable. This was not. She might as well have come in to work wearing a nightie, something provocatively see-through enough to wear on her honeymoon. It was that bad. She may as well have been walking down the hall nude.
This makes me wonder about the practical applications of the typical social contract. I was in possession of information that this woman desperately needed (i.e. "Hey, lady! Do you realize that you are, for all intents and purposes, naked right now?") but couldn't give her. She didn't know me. The news might not have been well received. She may have gotten angry. I may have gotten fired. She may have gotten reprimanded. Who knows what might have happened?
So I kept my mouth shut and my eyes on something safe--I selected her shoes, those at least were safe enough--until I turned a corner. She thankfully kept on walking and the awkwardness ended. It was then that I considered the flip side. What if she gets reprimanded or fired because no one said anything to her now? Did I, in my efforts to uphold the social contract, inadvertently partake in destructive behavior?
What was the right call? How does one deal with a situation like this?
27 April 2009
22 April 2009
I'm *not* a pervert... am I?
OK, so the wife bought some new shoes. They're patent leather, glossy, black, tall-heeled... overtly sexy in other words. Very hot shoes.
I want her to have an outfit that perfectly matches now. >.>
Do I have a problem?
I want her to have an outfit that perfectly matches now. >.>
Do I have a problem?
15 April 2009
Shimmer, Shine, Sparkle
I promised a Perfect World review, and here it is, albeit a day late. Sorry about that, work got busy and I had to skip both breaks and lunch to accomplish anything.
To examine Perfect World International, we must first have the context, examine the games that have been coming out lately. Each game that launches in recent days would appear to be locked into a full-scale arms race with all of the others, each trying desperately to be more gritty, dark, gloomy, edgy, and simple than the last. A few rare exceptions exist (LittleBigPlanet, Valkyria Chronicles, etc.) but for the most part, the plan seems to be centered around making it darker, simpler, and more depressing. We'll have a game out in three years, at this rate, that will be so dark you can barely make out the main character, and you'll only need to press one button to make him curl up into a fetal position on his bed while he cries and cuts himself. It'll get Game of the Year from every review site, and high scores in all departments, including best story.
No, I'm not bitter. That would be ironic, though, wouldn't it?
But now that I've gotten that off of my chest, made my point plain as it were, let's prop Perfect World International against that backdrop, and quickly realize that no camera made could handle this much contrast.
This game is ridiculously "twee". Pretty, full of glitter and glam, upbeat and energetic... I could go on like that but I think you get the point, especially if you were observant enough to realize that the word "twee" in the previous sentence links somewhere.
It's plain that the makers of the game consider anything ugly to be evil, because that's the only place you're going to spot unattractive sights. The towns, the fields, the woods, the water, the people, all have been painstakingly crafted to be as beautiful as the game makers knew how to make them.
On that note, it's important to point out that the game has clearly been made by a team of straight, horny men. They are plainly and unabashedly obsessed with the female creature. Every piece of promotional art, every loading screen backdrop, almost every screenshot features a female character not wearing a whole lot. In the game it doesn't get much better. All female characters start off wearing a midi top and a short skirt, and progress in the early to mid levels to equally sexy armor and clothes. The Untamed are another good example of this thinking in practice. As men, the Untamed race are full-on werewolves, lions and panda-men, but as women they are essentially humans with perfect physiques, with cat or fox ears and tails. Slightly biased, eh?
What's amusing is, this actually works in this context. The game is fantastical to the point of fracture. People ride around on the backs of giant panda bears and ride flying manta rays, enormous swan, and mystical swords like they were airborne surfboards. Elves have wings and can fly around starting at level 1.
It's simple enough, game play-wise. Click on the ground to run to that spot. Double-click on a monster to start attacking. Click on an ability in your spell bar to use it. Use the space bar to jump and the arrow keys or WASD keys to move around. The game can be driven almost entirely with the mouse, though certain acrobatic feats (such as tricky jumps or swimming at specific depths) may necessitate using both hands, one on the mouse and the other on the keyboard. Quests in the early levels, at least, are straight-forward: Go kill fifteen of a type of critter, come back and be rewarded. They get more complicated as you advance.
There's a focus on social and romantic interactions that isn't present in most games. A man can pick up a woman and carry her around in his arms, snuggled close to his chest. They can smooch in this pose, sending valentine hearts flying and drilling cavities into the teeth of all observers. A winged elf can take flight like this, lifting his true love up and away. Twee? Oh yes indeed!
The customization of player avatars is unprecedented, permitting the creation of truly lifelike faces and bodies, perhaps for the first time. I can't say enough good about that; I'm an addict for this sort of thing, my big desire being to attempt creating myself in all games with this type of feature. PWI has gotten me closer than anyone else ever has.
There are some oddities. The game is fast-paced, perhaps even to a fault. One look at the speed at which windmills turn in the game is all that needs to be said; hurricane force winds couldn't produce this result. I can only assume they use such high-speed windmills for something very intensive, like grinding up diamonds. Combat is very, very fast, with swordsmen taking two or even three swings per second. Incredible.
Did I mention the game is completely free? To download the game is free. To play it is free. The only time you ever have to spend money on it is if you want to; like, if you check out the boutique and see a dress you like, then you can spend real money on it. Or if there's a special mount you want. Or if you want some unique wings. There are other things too, but that's the gist of it. It's essentially like tipping the devs. You love them? Show it with an in-game purchase. You can't even *do* this until you get a character to level 10. How's that? They won't even let you pay them until you've played the game for a while.
I give this one an 8.5 of 10. More involved quests, a better run animation, and giving the ladies the option to slow less than 80% skin sometimes would make it a perfect 10/10 easy.
To examine Perfect World International, we must first have the context, examine the games that have been coming out lately. Each game that launches in recent days would appear to be locked into a full-scale arms race with all of the others, each trying desperately to be more gritty, dark, gloomy, edgy, and simple than the last. A few rare exceptions exist (LittleBigPlanet, Valkyria Chronicles, etc.) but for the most part, the plan seems to be centered around making it darker, simpler, and more depressing. We'll have a game out in three years, at this rate, that will be so dark you can barely make out the main character, and you'll only need to press one button to make him curl up into a fetal position on his bed while he cries and cuts himself. It'll get Game of the Year from every review site, and high scores in all departments, including best story.
No, I'm not bitter. That would be ironic, though, wouldn't it?
But now that I've gotten that off of my chest, made my point plain as it were, let's prop Perfect World International against that backdrop, and quickly realize that no camera made could handle this much contrast.
This game is ridiculously "twee". Pretty, full of glitter and glam, upbeat and energetic... I could go on like that but I think you get the point, especially if you were observant enough to realize that the word "twee" in the previous sentence links somewhere.
It's plain that the makers of the game consider anything ugly to be evil, because that's the only place you're going to spot unattractive sights. The towns, the fields, the woods, the water, the people, all have been painstakingly crafted to be as beautiful as the game makers knew how to make them.
On that note, it's important to point out that the game has clearly been made by a team of straight, horny men. They are plainly and unabashedly obsessed with the female creature. Every piece of promotional art, every loading screen backdrop, almost every screenshot features a female character not wearing a whole lot. In the game it doesn't get much better. All female characters start off wearing a midi top and a short skirt, and progress in the early to mid levels to equally sexy armor and clothes. The Untamed are another good example of this thinking in practice. As men, the Untamed race are full-on werewolves, lions and panda-men, but as women they are essentially humans with perfect physiques, with cat or fox ears and tails. Slightly biased, eh?
What's amusing is, this actually works in this context. The game is fantastical to the point of fracture. People ride around on the backs of giant panda bears and ride flying manta rays, enormous swan, and mystical swords like they were airborne surfboards. Elves have wings and can fly around starting at level 1.
It's simple enough, game play-wise. Click on the ground to run to that spot. Double-click on a monster to start attacking. Click on an ability in your spell bar to use it. Use the space bar to jump and the arrow keys or WASD keys to move around. The game can be driven almost entirely with the mouse, though certain acrobatic feats (such as tricky jumps or swimming at specific depths) may necessitate using both hands, one on the mouse and the other on the keyboard. Quests in the early levels, at least, are straight-forward: Go kill fifteen of a type of critter, come back and be rewarded. They get more complicated as you advance.
There's a focus on social and romantic interactions that isn't present in most games. A man can pick up a woman and carry her around in his arms, snuggled close to his chest. They can smooch in this pose, sending valentine hearts flying and drilling cavities into the teeth of all observers. A winged elf can take flight like this, lifting his true love up and away. Twee? Oh yes indeed!
The customization of player avatars is unprecedented, permitting the creation of truly lifelike faces and bodies, perhaps for the first time. I can't say enough good about that; I'm an addict for this sort of thing, my big desire being to attempt creating myself in all games with this type of feature. PWI has gotten me closer than anyone else ever has.
There are some oddities. The game is fast-paced, perhaps even to a fault. One look at the speed at which windmills turn in the game is all that needs to be said; hurricane force winds couldn't produce this result. I can only assume they use such high-speed windmills for something very intensive, like grinding up diamonds. Combat is very, very fast, with swordsmen taking two or even three swings per second. Incredible.
Did I mention the game is completely free? To download the game is free. To play it is free. The only time you ever have to spend money on it is if you want to; like, if you check out the boutique and see a dress you like, then you can spend real money on it. Or if there's a special mount you want. Or if you want some unique wings. There are other things too, but that's the gist of it. It's essentially like tipping the devs. You love them? Show it with an in-game purchase. You can't even *do* this until you get a character to level 10. How's that? They won't even let you pay them until you've played the game for a while.
I give this one an 8.5 of 10. More involved quests, a better run animation, and giving the ladies the option to slow less than 80% skin sometimes would make it a perfect 10/10 easy.
13 April 2009
Perfect Dragons? Dungeons World?
I've been examining two games closely for the past week or so. Dungeons and Dragons Online, and Perfect World International. As is my wont, I shall now examine the pros and cons of each, and everyone will pretend to be interested in what I have to say. I know this is a boring topic, but such are my passions, so strap in. We're rolling.
DDO first. I'll hit Perfect World in tomorrow's post.
This game doesn't collect much in terms of the global subscriber base for these types of games. There is a reason: It's pretty hardcore. Dungeons and Dragons is, in its fundamental heart and soul, a game meant to be played with your friends. That's how the table top game works (you know, the one with all the dice?), and since they have kept as unswervingly true to that ruleset as they could ever hope to, the video game is every bit as group-minded as the board game.
What this means is, if you want to accomplish much past the early levels, you're going to need friends. Group up. This rubs the online gaming market the wrong way. The ability to solo in an MMO is, for reasons that were once unclear to me but now make perfect sense, very important to most of the current gaming population. The knowledge of why escaped me for so long but this morning broke in upon me like an enlightening light that... enlightens. Here it is:
People can be really stupid online! People can be even more stupid in an online game! People want the ability to play the games without being subjected to one another's idiocy!
Such a clear and sublime knowledge that has washed over me...!
Anyway...
Graphically the game environment is beautiful. It makes use of all the latest bells and whistles that DirectX has to offer to great effect, making for soft, realistic-looking environments to have your adventures in. Creature models are true and accurate to the monster manual. Music adds backdrop without being intrusive, and the DM (Dungeon Master, the disembodied voice meant to add color to the adventures and fill in details you can't experience for yourself, such as how something smells or how the air feels) is a unique proposition to the genre. They used a deep, booming, confident voice for him. My opinion? It would have been far more entertaining to have a nerd do the voice-over. Preferably someone with a lisp of some kind.
I like the way the game feels and plays, with the climbing over things, ducking under things, flipping switches, climbing ladders, swimming along and praying you don't drown, taking extra care on ice-coated narrow ledges and being ever-wary about traps and obstacles while finding keys and solving puzzles. This is very different from, say, WoW, where the focus in a dungeon is all about killing and looting. Player versus Environment actually means what it says in DDO. It plays much more like a real game than any other MMO I have ever touched, and that's important to me.
I know my wife will whine if I don't point out the game's downfalls, and there are some. The character models themselves kinda suck, for one thing. Everyone looks to be roughly middle-aged, the developers neglecting to give us the ability to alter the base skin on the model. In combat, everyone stands like they're struggling with back pain, or a hernia. The female character models look about like you'd expect: Designed by some geek who has never actually seen a woman naked. Vaguely female-shaped, they're narrow in the wrong places and curvaceous in the wrong ways. Combine that with the aforementioned animation troubles and you wind up with some truly troubled visuals.
Some of the game sounds are problematic as well. The sound that happens with a spell is cast, Magic Missile for instance... I'm not sure what they were thinking. Did they believe we wanted to sound like ring wraiths every time we cast something? It just doesn't gel well with the rest of the game, at least not in my opinion. Even something like the random, meaningless incantations from Baldur's Gate or Neverwinter Nights would have been more acceptable.
I always like to end on a positive note, and here's mine: The price. The core game now costs as much as a month's worth of play. Remember, you get your first 30 days included in the purchase of the core game. Therefore, the core game is now free. You just pay for the monthly access. There's also a 14-day free trial, so you can try before you buy. They've gone out of their way to put the software in your hands, in other words.
Of ten stars, I give this one seven and a half. Definitely worth checking out.
Tune in tomorrow!
DDO first. I'll hit Perfect World in tomorrow's post.
This game doesn't collect much in terms of the global subscriber base for these types of games. There is a reason: It's pretty hardcore. Dungeons and Dragons is, in its fundamental heart and soul, a game meant to be played with your friends. That's how the table top game works (you know, the one with all the dice?), and since they have kept as unswervingly true to that ruleset as they could ever hope to, the video game is every bit as group-minded as the board game.
What this means is, if you want to accomplish much past the early levels, you're going to need friends. Group up. This rubs the online gaming market the wrong way. The ability to solo in an MMO is, for reasons that were once unclear to me but now make perfect sense, very important to most of the current gaming population. The knowledge of why escaped me for so long but this morning broke in upon me like an enlightening light that... enlightens. Here it is:
People can be really stupid online! People can be even more stupid in an online game! People want the ability to play the games without being subjected to one another's idiocy!
Such a clear and sublime knowledge that has washed over me...!
Anyway...
Graphically the game environment is beautiful. It makes use of all the latest bells and whistles that DirectX has to offer to great effect, making for soft, realistic-looking environments to have your adventures in. Creature models are true and accurate to the monster manual. Music adds backdrop without being intrusive, and the DM (Dungeon Master, the disembodied voice meant to add color to the adventures and fill in details you can't experience for yourself, such as how something smells or how the air feels) is a unique proposition to the genre. They used a deep, booming, confident voice for him. My opinion? It would have been far more entertaining to have a nerd do the voice-over. Preferably someone with a lisp of some kind.
I like the way the game feels and plays, with the climbing over things, ducking under things, flipping switches, climbing ladders, swimming along and praying you don't drown, taking extra care on ice-coated narrow ledges and being ever-wary about traps and obstacles while finding keys and solving puzzles. This is very different from, say, WoW, where the focus in a dungeon is all about killing and looting. Player versus Environment actually means what it says in DDO. It plays much more like a real game than any other MMO I have ever touched, and that's important to me.
I know my wife will whine if I don't point out the game's downfalls, and there are some. The character models themselves kinda suck, for one thing. Everyone looks to be roughly middle-aged, the developers neglecting to give us the ability to alter the base skin on the model. In combat, everyone stands like they're struggling with back pain, or a hernia. The female character models look about like you'd expect: Designed by some geek who has never actually seen a woman naked. Vaguely female-shaped, they're narrow in the wrong places and curvaceous in the wrong ways. Combine that with the aforementioned animation troubles and you wind up with some truly troubled visuals.
Some of the game sounds are problematic as well. The sound that happens with a spell is cast, Magic Missile for instance... I'm not sure what they were thinking. Did they believe we wanted to sound like ring wraiths every time we cast something? It just doesn't gel well with the rest of the game, at least not in my opinion. Even something like the random, meaningless incantations from Baldur's Gate or Neverwinter Nights would have been more acceptable.
I always like to end on a positive note, and here's mine: The price. The core game now costs as much as a month's worth of play. Remember, you get your first 30 days included in the purchase of the core game. Therefore, the core game is now free. You just pay for the monthly access. There's also a 14-day free trial, so you can try before you buy. They've gone out of their way to put the software in your hands, in other words.
Of ten stars, I give this one seven and a half. Definitely worth checking out.
Tune in tomorrow!
08 April 2009
Molasses Bath
Seriously, getting going today feels like trying to climb out of a bathtub full of molasses. I'm tired like an ancient egyptian could be said to be tired by an archeologist. No idea why. Went to bed at a decent hour and slept soundly, so what's the deal?
06 April 2009
Spring Broke
Spring break ain't what it used to be.
It was a fantastic time for me back in high school. It was a time for *not* waking up at the crack of dawn to catch the bus. It was a time of eating whatever happened to be in the fridge at the time and drinking mom's entire 24-pack of diet Sprite. It was a time of all-day Nintendo in your pajamas.
These days, when other people are going on spring break, I'm still going in to work each morning, still getting up, still showering and shaving, still stumbling down the steps in a mild stupor and climbing into my truck, still making the drive in to the office. Amazingly, once I'm in the office parking lot, I get to catch a bus again to take me up to the building. Yes, friends, our parking lot is large enough to merit shuttle service.
Anyway, the wife has it a little different. She's back in school. This week was truly a respite for her. She still had to go to work, but she didn't have to sweat school assignments there for a while. Being the awesome husband that I am, when she requested that I unplug from everyone and everything for the week and spend the time with her exclusively, I didn't blink. I put my messenger on Away for the grand majority of the time, made not a single outgoing call, and gave her my full attention.
We spent most of the time playing WoW, watching House, and buying stuff with the portion of our tax return we set aside to just have fun with. It was all for her this past week, I endeavored to do nothing selfish and tried not to ignore or put off any request she made. Anyone who knows me, knows this sort of behavior does not come naturally, at least not to me. Who loves ya, baby?
It was a pretty good time. Starting tonight the wife is on a new batch of classes, and I am back on my various messengers. Feel free to drop me a line!
It was a fantastic time for me back in high school. It was a time for *not* waking up at the crack of dawn to catch the bus. It was a time of eating whatever happened to be in the fridge at the time and drinking mom's entire 24-pack of diet Sprite. It was a time of all-day Nintendo in your pajamas.
These days, when other people are going on spring break, I'm still going in to work each morning, still getting up, still showering and shaving, still stumbling down the steps in a mild stupor and climbing into my truck, still making the drive in to the office. Amazingly, once I'm in the office parking lot, I get to catch a bus again to take me up to the building. Yes, friends, our parking lot is large enough to merit shuttle service.
Anyway, the wife has it a little different. She's back in school. This week was truly a respite for her. She still had to go to work, but she didn't have to sweat school assignments there for a while. Being the awesome husband that I am, when she requested that I unplug from everyone and everything for the week and spend the time with her exclusively, I didn't blink. I put my messenger on Away for the grand majority of the time, made not a single outgoing call, and gave her my full attention.
We spent most of the time playing WoW, watching House, and buying stuff with the portion of our tax return we set aside to just have fun with. It was all for her this past week, I endeavored to do nothing selfish and tried not to ignore or put off any request she made. Anyone who knows me, knows this sort of behavior does not come naturally, at least not to me. Who loves ya, baby?
It was a pretty good time. Starting tonight the wife is on a new batch of classes, and I am back on my various messengers. Feel free to drop me a line!
01 April 2009
The Imminent Sludge Monster
Occasionally I experience strangeness in the workplace. The level of strangeness seems to equate in some way to the location in which I experience it. I thought nothing could top the note in the bowl I wrote about in my very first blog entry, but today I had a contender crop up.
I was in the restroom, in a stall, taking care of my daily necessary. There was a fellow in the stall next door who left his shortly after I left mine. He and I were the only ones there. Never got a look at him, just a glance at his feet, which were unremarkable. As he was leaving, I heard him pour something into one of the sinks. Normally I wouldn't care about something so trivial, but afterward he announced it, and I quote: "OK, I just poured coffee into the sink. The drain's slow, if you see it and it looks like something else, don't be alarmed. It's just coffee."
Instantly my mind kicked into gear. Can I trust the feet of a complete stranger? He just poured some strange substance down a sink. I don't know what it was, I didn't see it. Yeah the drain's slow, but it ain't that slow. It'll be gone by the time I'm done in here. All I have is his word. Could be coffee. Could be radioactive material. How can I know? He told me. Why would he think to do that? If it was just harmless coffee, surely he wouldn't need to announce to the world what he'd done. Or maybe he's just neurotic like that. Or paranoid. We have enough safety regulations around here to ensure a good healthy paranoia crops up in anyone who works here.
What if it's something hazardous? I'd better get out and have a look, right? Everyone might be in danger.
That's when it hit me. I was not exempt from the paranoia rule, and all the safety regs had been at work on me too. It's got us all jumping at shadows. I left the stall and didn't even have a glance or a sniff at the sink.
. . . If some brown mucky monster arises from the city sewers and tries to kill us all, at that point I will feel regret.
I was in the restroom, in a stall, taking care of my daily necessary. There was a fellow in the stall next door who left his shortly after I left mine. He and I were the only ones there. Never got a look at him, just a glance at his feet, which were unremarkable. As he was leaving, I heard him pour something into one of the sinks. Normally I wouldn't care about something so trivial, but afterward he announced it, and I quote: "OK, I just poured coffee into the sink. The drain's slow, if you see it and it looks like something else, don't be alarmed. It's just coffee."
Instantly my mind kicked into gear. Can I trust the feet of a complete stranger? He just poured some strange substance down a sink. I don't know what it was, I didn't see it. Yeah the drain's slow, but it ain't that slow. It'll be gone by the time I'm done in here. All I have is his word. Could be coffee. Could be radioactive material. How can I know? He told me. Why would he think to do that? If it was just harmless coffee, surely he wouldn't need to announce to the world what he'd done. Or maybe he's just neurotic like that. Or paranoid. We have enough safety regulations around here to ensure a good healthy paranoia crops up in anyone who works here.
What if it's something hazardous? I'd better get out and have a look, right? Everyone might be in danger.
That's when it hit me. I was not exempt from the paranoia rule, and all the safety regs had been at work on me too. It's got us all jumping at shadows. I left the stall and didn't even have a glance or a sniff at the sink.
. . . If some brown mucky monster arises from the city sewers and tries to kill us all, at that point I will feel regret.
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