Maybe I'm being too hard on Thirteen. I've certainly shouted my opinion enough, loud and proud, on Twitter. I want to clarify what my problem is with her, because I don't want my friends to think I'm bigoted or close-minded, or just shouting at the rain. Let me open by saying, I don't have a problem with her specifically. Yes, hold on to your seats, it's going to be *that* kind of post.
She insults me not on a personal level--I'm fine with overtly bi, self-destructive girls if you are--but on the level of a creative person, someone who hopes to one day make his living writing fiction for the entertainment of others. She is what we call in the trade a "Mary Sue".
Now, for those not familiar with the term, Mary Sue is a broad sweeping brush that paints over a wide variety of characters that all share the same basic traits. Allow me to illustrate:
"Blessed be and greetings to you. I am Mary Sue! I'm inhumanly beautiful, vastly rich, impeccably intelligent, ravishingly witty, and any man would walk into traffic to retrieve the scarf I delicately dropped just because of my nearly magical womanly charms. My face can topple kingdoms and my body ensnares the attention of every man in a fifty mile radius, even the blind and elderly. I am the daughter or close relative of very important people, and I wield their power. I may also sometimes wield a rare magical power. I may be the last of my kind in a race of once-thriving magical beings. You have no choice but to love and adore me, because the author of the piece is doing everything he can to rub me in your face.
But be careful how you love me, because even though I have everything anyone could ever want, and *am* everything any *man* could ever want, I also have a tragic past, and enough emotional baggage to fill a freight car. My once-thriving magical race is extinct except for me, the last, and they perished in horrific ways. The protagonist will spend a lot of time consoling me while he woos me, and will show me the true power of love while he washes away my sins. It won't help though, because I *also* am under a curse, or have an incurable illness, or am arranged to marry a man I hate. He'll have to overcome that too, somehow, or else watch me die and suffer the unendurable agony of losing someone so perfect, and yet so imperfect.
Come and love me, adore me, pity me, and be carried along the roller coaster of human emotion by me. I am the writer's crutch, a huge prop stick with the words Mary Sue printed in gilded letters along its length."
(As a footnote, there exists a male counterpart for this type of character. His name is Gary Stu, and by now I'm sure you can guess what *his* deal is. He's not the focus of this entry. Perhaps one day I shall write about him, but today is not that day.)
So, now that you understand *that* concept, and by extension why such characters are so insulting to those of us who would actually like to write halfway decent fiction, let's examine Thirteen.
Beautiful: Check
Intelligent: Check
Successful: Check
Every Man's Wet Dream: Check
Tragic Past: Check
Doomed: Check
Fits the profile nicely wouldn't you say? What is more, since she can't have magical powers in the setting, they made her bisexual to set her apart. Not because it advances the character in any way, but because it's edgy and "in" right now.
That's my problem with her. Again, it's not exactly her specifically, but because of what she is on a creative level. She is, in all ways, a universal adapter of character. She is adored for her looks, admired for her career, lusted after by most men and some women for her lifestyle, pitied for her past, and agonized over for her lost future.
Or, at least, that was the writer's aim when he came up with this character. Out of curiosity I surfed over the 'net a bit looking for opinions and I have yet to find anyone on whom she actually *works.* This gives me hope for my career. People are tired of this type of character and so am I, so my writing shall mesh well with the target audience (i.e. everyone) when I release my work upon the world.
24 March 2009
17 March 2009
Holy Savings Opportunity, Batman!
I'm about to save a ton of money.
We seriously do not use our cellphones. We just don't. I pick mine up to make a call maybe once a week, I get a call on it maybe once a month, and in neither case have I *needed* it to be a mobile solution. I could have taken the call in my house.
But really, a land line phone is so 19th century, isn't it? This is the digital age. I know there has to be an internet solution to problem. Or rather, say, I *knew*. I have now confirmed that there is, and it calls to me like a gentle siren. The song it sings goes, "You are a neeeeeerd, Jason. You should be a neeeeerd in all thiiiings."
The solution is Skype. All of my readers know what this is: Perhaps the world's most popular VoIP program. This is probably not news to anyone, but what I didn't know is, for like $3 bucks a month, I can call anybody on any phone as much as I want in the US and Canada using my computer. For an additional $2 bucks a month, I can have a phone number that dials *in* to my computer. In today's economic climate, a $5 phone bill looks pretty yummy. Plus this gives me the excuse to switch to my apartment cable modem, the local hub for which is perhaps 150 feet from my front door. It'll be like having my own T1 at that distance.
Plus there is just something deliciously nerdy about using your computer to call people.
/CrowTRobot: "Speaker phones on computers, it must be THE FUTURE!"
We seriously do not use our cellphones. We just don't. I pick mine up to make a call maybe once a week, I get a call on it maybe once a month, and in neither case have I *needed* it to be a mobile solution. I could have taken the call in my house.
But really, a land line phone is so 19th century, isn't it? This is the digital age. I know there has to be an internet solution to problem. Or rather, say, I *knew*. I have now confirmed that there is, and it calls to me like a gentle siren. The song it sings goes, "You are a neeeeeerd, Jason. You should be a neeeeerd in all thiiiings."
The solution is Skype. All of my readers know what this is: Perhaps the world's most popular VoIP program. This is probably not news to anyone, but what I didn't know is, for like $3 bucks a month, I can call anybody on any phone as much as I want in the US and Canada using my computer. For an additional $2 bucks a month, I can have a phone number that dials *in* to my computer. In today's economic climate, a $5 phone bill looks pretty yummy. Plus this gives me the excuse to switch to my apartment cable modem, the local hub for which is perhaps 150 feet from my front door. It'll be like having my own T1 at that distance.
Plus there is just something deliciously nerdy about using your computer to call people.
/CrowTRobot: "Speaker phones on computers, it must be THE FUTURE!"
16 March 2009
Skunk'd
So my friends elected to move our hanging out plans from tonight to Wednesday. Sort of a double-edged sword for me:
On the one hand, it sucks because now I have nothing to do but stay home and hang out with my new computer.
On the other hand, it's awesome because now I have nothing to do but stay home and hang out with my new computer.
Read it again and you'll get it. For those who don't know, I'm now the proud owner of a much more powerful gaming machine. The processor has 8 cores, the graphics card jumps up and down on my old one and laughs, every feature superior to the old box in every way. (Incidentally, I'm looking to sell the old one on the cheap, like $200 maybe. Still a pretty good machine, doncha know.)
Just in time for Champions Online, and later on Star Trek Online. And who knows? This machine might persuade me to re-up for Warhammer when my current MMO account runs out for the month. I'll be interested to see how they've improved it.
It runs WoW, smooth as glass. Of course it does. Computers from almost a DECADE ago can run WoW with little trouble. I haven't had the chance to try it out on the Burning Sea yet, mostly because of the headache involved with installing it on Vista (I am really sorry again for that, Josh) and a great many of my other games are sitting there staring at me accusingly, wondering what's taking so long. I'll get to you soon guys, I promise.
In other news... I had an Idea wander across my mind this morning. It deserves the capital letter, I think, since it is the type of notion that large chains of novels are made of. It's safe to say that I'm truly feeling the proverbial "itch" now. My father has offered to help me fix my typewriter. Since I have some free time tonight, I think I'll take it on over and tinker with it with him.
Keep the faith. I will be a novelist. I *will* achieve this.
On the one hand, it sucks because now I have nothing to do but stay home and hang out with my new computer.
On the other hand, it's awesome because now I have nothing to do but stay home and hang out with my new computer.
Read it again and you'll get it. For those who don't know, I'm now the proud owner of a much more powerful gaming machine. The processor has 8 cores, the graphics card jumps up and down on my old one and laughs, every feature superior to the old box in every way. (Incidentally, I'm looking to sell the old one on the cheap, like $200 maybe. Still a pretty good machine, doncha know.)
Just in time for Champions Online, and later on Star Trek Online. And who knows? This machine might persuade me to re-up for Warhammer when my current MMO account runs out for the month. I'll be interested to see how they've improved it.
It runs WoW, smooth as glass. Of course it does. Computers from almost a DECADE ago can run WoW with little trouble. I haven't had the chance to try it out on the Burning Sea yet, mostly because of the headache involved with installing it on Vista (I am really sorry again for that, Josh) and a great many of my other games are sitting there staring at me accusingly, wondering what's taking so long. I'll get to you soon guys, I promise.
In other news... I had an Idea wander across my mind this morning. It deserves the capital letter, I think, since it is the type of notion that large chains of novels are made of. It's safe to say that I'm truly feeling the proverbial "itch" now. My father has offered to help me fix my typewriter. Since I have some free time tonight, I think I'll take it on over and tinker with it with him.
Keep the faith. I will be a novelist. I *will* achieve this.
11 March 2009
The Complete Life List
I'm making a list of things every person needs to have experienced at least once in order to have completely experienced life. They range from sappy to terrible, are in no particular order, and come principally from my own life experiences or from that of my wife.
The list of things to do:
Leave the country, live outside of it for a while if you can.
Quit a job the same day you're hired.
Get into a toy sword fight with a sibling or loved one.
Hit someone squarely between the eyes with a Nerf dart.
Go on a binge of self-indulgence.
Treat your friends to a meal.
Let your friends treat *you* to a meal.
Own a ridiculous combination of video games.
Be picky.
Be a complete animal in bed.
Be romantic and tender in bed.
Try and do both at once; if you succeed tell me how.
Develop a crush on a fictional character.
Think of who was best to you in life and reward them.
Think of who was worst to you in life and get even.
Own a cat, earn its respect.
Don't own a dog, earning its respect is way too easy.
Live in a basement.
Work from home.
Talk to a horse like it could understand you perfectly; make note of how attentively they listen.
Talk to a cat like it could understand you perfectly; make note of how quickly you get ignored.
Get into excellent shape and keep yourself that way.
Flip the bird to someone deserving.
Take a nap at 7:00pm in the evening; wake up in the dead of night and savor the disorientation.
Watch people.
Take a day off from your job for the hell of it; ensure your excuse is untruthful and lame.
More will come later. Feel free to add to the list in the comments.
The list of things to do:
Leave the country, live outside of it for a while if you can.
Quit a job the same day you're hired.
Get into a toy sword fight with a sibling or loved one.
Hit someone squarely between the eyes with a Nerf dart.
Go on a binge of self-indulgence.
Treat your friends to a meal.
Let your friends treat *you* to a meal.
Own a ridiculous combination of video games.
Be picky.
Be a complete animal in bed.
Be romantic and tender in bed.
Try and do both at once; if you succeed tell me how.
Develop a crush on a fictional character.
Think of who was best to you in life and reward them.
Think of who was worst to you in life and get even.
Own a cat, earn its respect.
Don't own a dog, earning its respect is way too easy.
Live in a basement.
Work from home.
Talk to a horse like it could understand you perfectly; make note of how attentively they listen.
Talk to a cat like it could understand you perfectly; make note of how quickly you get ignored.
Get into excellent shape and keep yourself that way.
Flip the bird to someone deserving.
Take a nap at 7:00pm in the evening; wake up in the dead of night and savor the disorientation.
Watch people.
Take a day off from your job for the hell of it; ensure your excuse is untruthful and lame.
More will come later. Feel free to add to the list in the comments.
05 March 2009
The End of a Dynasty (plus a game review)
My wife deleted her blog today. Brown Hair, Brown Eyes is gone.
If you saw the closing entry then you know why, but if not let me bring you up to speed: Essentially, she'd lost interest in it. She'd gotten to the point where she didn't blog about anything other than "This is what I did with my day, point by point." That ceased to be entertaining for her, I suppose. I can understand that; I've frequently wished I could spend a day in her head, just so I can know what it's like to live in a brain that's constantly on overdrive.
I'm the semi-proud owner of the new Star Ocean game. I'm a big fan of the series, but I've got a feeling this one's gearing up to disappoint me. The worlds are beautiful, the soundtrack is perfect, but so far the plot is completely useless and the main characters are all people I wish had *died* in the first shipwreck. They're not only of the young, plucky, huge-eyed youth variety, whoever did their art used a strange blend of realism and anime, resulting in models that are downright CREEPY.
I can't stand to look at our main hero too often. His face, pristine and glowing, maintains the same expression no matter what is going on. Seriously, he looks like he was molded from plastic and they're just using him to model a spacesuit like a mannequin. His blond hair shimmers and shines in the sun, blinding to an ordinary man and barely tolerable by me.
His girlfriend is so sweet I feel like every tooth in my head is developing a cavity just listening to her. Everything is nice and thankful and helpful; if she were married tomorrow she'd be a typical Japanese doormat. Only once has she broken from this: She went off on a tantrum, demanding that everyone stop treating her like a child. Well, sorry honey, if you go around in a spacesuit that makes you look like a schoolgirl with *pink ribbons in your hair* (I am not even kidding), you're going to get that reaction from people.
Next onto the roster is a Tolkien elf. Again, I'm not kidding, it's heavily implied that this alien species is what J.R.R. Tolkien was writing about in The Lord of the Rings. When we first saw the screenshots of this fellow, we were compelled to stare for a full *ten minutes* trying to figure out if this alien was male or female. If I hadn't heard others refer to him as a 'he' in the game, we *still* wouldn't be sure, and that's even after hearing his voice.
Speaking of voices...
Their voices--all of them--make me want to cram female sanitary napkins down each of their throats and cry "Plug it up!", with respect to Stephen King. We are on the railroad to whiny on this one, folks. I'm not very far in the plot, but this is a Tri-Ace game, which means things are going to be taking a turn toward the grim here very soon. I'm two hours into the game and we're already seeing the first hints of devastation. I shudder to think of how these irritating voices are going to express sadness and despair. I'm thinking we're doomed to Tidus Syndrome all over again.
I said I'm semi-proud as a game owner, didn't I? It does have some good points, and they're not small ones either. You might say they make up the saving graces of the game.
In the plus column, the combat system is lively and responsive. You only control one character at a time, leaving the AI to fend for itself while you focus. Normally this would make me cringe, but in this case I'm truly glad. The AI is so far flawless. Characters you aren't controlling respond appropriately to combat situations and get the hell out of the way when they're in danger. You know, like they're supposed to. Archer girl stays in the back and attacks from range, and jumps away when things are coming after her. Mage elf uses a healthy blend of his melee skills and magical ability. I'm not sure what Hero does when I'm not controlling him, since I always control him, but I'd imagine he does fine too.
This is a complete 180 from the last game. In that one if you didn't micromanage every member of your team, the first thing they'd do is fling themselves into danger and remain there while they were massacred, all the while not really doing anything to help the overall situation. To say I am both surprised and pleased by the change in this installment would be an understatement.
As I mentioned before, the environments are amazing and make good use of the technology it was deployed on. The soundtrack is excellent, but we knew it would be; Sakuraba does it again, after all. The spaceships, and the technology inside of them, are real treats for a huge nerd like me to be presented with.
In conclusion: Like Final Fantasy X, I have a feeling that this is going to be a game I play because it's fun, and because I like how parts of it look and sound, and not because I give a flyin' about anything that's going on. That's fine, truly; I've played a lot worse for a lot less, let me tell you. Also, to be fair, I haven't seen everything yet. It could well be that this thing will engage me soon. It's happened before.
If you saw the closing entry then you know why, but if not let me bring you up to speed: Essentially, she'd lost interest in it. She'd gotten to the point where she didn't blog about anything other than "This is what I did with my day, point by point." That ceased to be entertaining for her, I suppose. I can understand that; I've frequently wished I could spend a day in her head, just so I can know what it's like to live in a brain that's constantly on overdrive.
I'm the semi-proud owner of the new Star Ocean game. I'm a big fan of the series, but I've got a feeling this one's gearing up to disappoint me. The worlds are beautiful, the soundtrack is perfect, but so far the plot is completely useless and the main characters are all people I wish had *died* in the first shipwreck. They're not only of the young, plucky, huge-eyed youth variety, whoever did their art used a strange blend of realism and anime, resulting in models that are downright CREEPY.
I can't stand to look at our main hero too often. His face, pristine and glowing, maintains the same expression no matter what is going on. Seriously, he looks like he was molded from plastic and they're just using him to model a spacesuit like a mannequin. His blond hair shimmers and shines in the sun, blinding to an ordinary man and barely tolerable by me.
His girlfriend is so sweet I feel like every tooth in my head is developing a cavity just listening to her. Everything is nice and thankful and helpful; if she were married tomorrow she'd be a typical Japanese doormat. Only once has she broken from this: She went off on a tantrum, demanding that everyone stop treating her like a child. Well, sorry honey, if you go around in a spacesuit that makes you look like a schoolgirl with *pink ribbons in your hair* (I am not even kidding), you're going to get that reaction from people.
Next onto the roster is a Tolkien elf. Again, I'm not kidding, it's heavily implied that this alien species is what J.R.R. Tolkien was writing about in The Lord of the Rings. When we first saw the screenshots of this fellow, we were compelled to stare for a full *ten minutes* trying to figure out if this alien was male or female. If I hadn't heard others refer to him as a 'he' in the game, we *still* wouldn't be sure, and that's even after hearing his voice.
Speaking of voices...
Their voices--all of them--make me want to cram female sanitary napkins down each of their throats and cry "Plug it up!", with respect to Stephen King. We are on the railroad to whiny on this one, folks. I'm not very far in the plot, but this is a Tri-Ace game, which means things are going to be taking a turn toward the grim here very soon. I'm two hours into the game and we're already seeing the first hints of devastation. I shudder to think of how these irritating voices are going to express sadness and despair. I'm thinking we're doomed to Tidus Syndrome all over again.
I said I'm semi-proud as a game owner, didn't I? It does have some good points, and they're not small ones either. You might say they make up the saving graces of the game.
In the plus column, the combat system is lively and responsive. You only control one character at a time, leaving the AI to fend for itself while you focus. Normally this would make me cringe, but in this case I'm truly glad. The AI is so far flawless. Characters you aren't controlling respond appropriately to combat situations and get the hell out of the way when they're in danger. You know, like they're supposed to. Archer girl stays in the back and attacks from range, and jumps away when things are coming after her. Mage elf uses a healthy blend of his melee skills and magical ability. I'm not sure what Hero does when I'm not controlling him, since I always control him, but I'd imagine he does fine too.
This is a complete 180 from the last game. In that one if you didn't micromanage every member of your team, the first thing they'd do is fling themselves into danger and remain there while they were massacred, all the while not really doing anything to help the overall situation. To say I am both surprised and pleased by the change in this installment would be an understatement.
As I mentioned before, the environments are amazing and make good use of the technology it was deployed on. The soundtrack is excellent, but we knew it would be; Sakuraba does it again, after all. The spaceships, and the technology inside of them, are real treats for a huge nerd like me to be presented with.
In conclusion: Like Final Fantasy X, I have a feeling that this is going to be a game I play because it's fun, and because I like how parts of it look and sound, and not because I give a flyin' about anything that's going on. That's fine, truly; I've played a lot worse for a lot less, let me tell you. Also, to be fair, I haven't seen everything yet. It could well be that this thing will engage me soon. It's happened before.
04 March 2009
ENERGON MISSING :: REDO FROM START
One of my good friends is another year older today. Happy Birthday Ms. R! :)
I feel groggy today. I imagine this is how Biff Tannon's goons must have felt after they had several bags of sand dropped on their heads simultaneously. I'm relatively certain the cause is simply not having gotten enough sleep lately. We go to bed too late is all.
Still, it leaves me in a strange situation. I'm doing my tasks this morning while running on a sort of hazy autopilot. I know I've performed my work, but I don't really remember the details of anything I've done so far, nor do I suspect I will recall anything else I do today. Keep that in mind if you speak with me and I say something odd. It's likely not me talking; you just had a conversation with the pilot light that keeps my cerebellum warm.
Having said that, I must admit I enjoy the creative zen that occurs when I feel like this. Some of the random thoughts that wander through my mind are truly priceless. If only I could come up with a method of capturing them!
I feel groggy today. I imagine this is how Biff Tannon's goons must have felt after they had several bags of sand dropped on their heads simultaneously. I'm relatively certain the cause is simply not having gotten enough sleep lately. We go to bed too late is all.
Still, it leaves me in a strange situation. I'm doing my tasks this morning while running on a sort of hazy autopilot. I know I've performed my work, but I don't really remember the details of anything I've done so far, nor do I suspect I will recall anything else I do today. Keep that in mind if you speak with me and I say something odd. It's likely not me talking; you just had a conversation with the pilot light that keeps my cerebellum warm.
Having said that, I must admit I enjoy the creative zen that occurs when I feel like this. Some of the random thoughts that wander through my mind are truly priceless. If only I could come up with a method of capturing them!
02 March 2009
WTB house PST w/ offer
So there's a house I'm looking at with greedy eyes.
The wife isn't exactly onboard with the idea of moving into a house; it's a frightening move, obviously, one with many potential pitfalls and perils. However, it is a concept that has become more appealing to me as I get a little older. Being able to place a phone call to maintenance to get any issue in the apartment fixed is nice, that's true, but the part of my genetics that I inherited from my father is beginning to scream into my ear, saying things like, "You can fix that yourself!"
It's strange. As I approach the age of 30 I find myself examining the idea of owning rather than renting. I like the idea of something being *mine.* I like the idea of keeping it up and making it better with my own two hands. I *want* to have to get into the basement and wrench off a leaky pipe, then get all filthy replacing it. I *want* to have a garage where I can tinker around with my latest brainchild or change the oil on my truck.. That's what my dad does and I've always admired it, and now I want it too.
Anyway, click here and observe the property I am eyeballing.
3 bedrooms, 1 bath, finished basement(!!!), property inspection report states that with the exception of a doorframe, damage to a wall, and some of the floor coverings being gone, it's in fine shape. Structure is on point inside and out, roof is good, pipes are good, electrical's good.
One downside is, apparently all of the appliances are missing. Fridge, dishwasher, washer/dryer, etc. are all gone. That's sort of good news/bad news for me; it'd be somewhat inconvenient, on one hand, but it'd also be nice to be able to pick all those things out myself rather than deal with somebody's secondhand junk.
We drove by it last night and discovered that the neighborhood is, how you say... "average." Not real nice, not a dump, just a bunch of people in what is roughly our income bracket.
Now, it goes without saying that I know nothing about home ownership. Absolutely zilch. So I turn to the only two friends I have who have been through it and ask: What do you think?
The wife isn't exactly onboard with the idea of moving into a house; it's a frightening move, obviously, one with many potential pitfalls and perils. However, it is a concept that has become more appealing to me as I get a little older. Being able to place a phone call to maintenance to get any issue in the apartment fixed is nice, that's true, but the part of my genetics that I inherited from my father is beginning to scream into my ear, saying things like, "You can fix that yourself!"
It's strange. As I approach the age of 30 I find myself examining the idea of owning rather than renting. I like the idea of something being *mine.* I like the idea of keeping it up and making it better with my own two hands. I *want* to have to get into the basement and wrench off a leaky pipe, then get all filthy replacing it. I *want* to have a garage where I can tinker around with my latest brainchild or change the oil on my truck.. That's what my dad does and I've always admired it, and now I want it too.
Anyway, click here and observe the property I am eyeballing.
3 bedrooms, 1 bath, finished basement(!!!), property inspection report states that with the exception of a doorframe, damage to a wall, and some of the floor coverings being gone, it's in fine shape. Structure is on point inside and out, roof is good, pipes are good, electrical's good.
One downside is, apparently all of the appliances are missing. Fridge, dishwasher, washer/dryer, etc. are all gone. That's sort of good news/bad news for me; it'd be somewhat inconvenient, on one hand, but it'd also be nice to be able to pick all those things out myself rather than deal with somebody's secondhand junk.
We drove by it last night and discovered that the neighborhood is, how you say... "average." Not real nice, not a dump, just a bunch of people in what is roughly our income bracket.
Now, it goes without saying that I know nothing about home ownership. Absolutely zilch. So I turn to the only two friends I have who have been through it and ask: What do you think?
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