Only in Dreams

A good friend wrote a "Random Thoughts" post. It intrigues me how the female mind can hold so many things at once. I say "the female mind" because Ms. R is not the only one who consistently has a lot on her mind. Wife does it too, and has written many thousands of words on the subjects since I've known her. Many things at once, though. I have a lot of thoughts too, but they usually come one at a time and are largely unimportant.

If I were to make a random thoughts list like hers, right now, it would look something like this:

* I'm hungry

* I'm bored

* I'm tired

That's it. Otherwise, all quiet in the chambers of my mind. This is actually not so disturbing as you might think. A quiet mind allows for true focus, enough to make serious attempts at telekinesis if you're like me and magical thinking doesn't trouble you.

Speaking of magical thinking, several years ago, before I married Jess and moved into the apartment, I had a dream that I wish I had written down at the time. In this dream I was witnessing events through my eyes. I was brushing my teeth. I was listening to someone in the tub next to me talk, they were talking about Cingular Wireless. I remember that because the person sounded out the word: "Cin-gu-lar", heavy emphasis on the syllables. That stood out to me, made me remember it all this time. It nagged at me off and on for the last six years or so. Why would someone in a tub be talking to me about wireless service like I was an idiot?

Well, this morning it came true.

I was standing at my sink brushing my teeth. Jess was in the tub finishing up her morning bathing ritual and talking to me of things she wanted to do this weekend. I wasn't really listening (sorry dear), so when she said it for the first time what I heard was, "see, you will."

I asked her, "See you will? What is that, Yoda-speak?"

She corrected me. "No, Cingular." She'd been talking about going to the wireless store and replacing her phone. "Cin-gu-lar."

She said more on the subject, but I didn't really hear it. I had an excuse this time for not paying attention, though. My mind had been parted like the Red Sea. Once again, I'd dreamed of the future.

People usually try to explain this away when I talk about it. They think I'm just having deja'vu. I assure you I'm not. I've scolded myself again and again for not keeping a dream journal, and this time the bite is truly painful because I had a witness to the phenomenon, and if I had just written it down I could have proven that this really happens to me and I'm not crazy.

I've never been able to "make" it happen, it just does at times. I'm asleep, and I dream, and in my dream I see things through my own eyes, like I'm actually watching my future self do things from the back seat.
It's never about anything special or significant. The first time I became aware of it, I was in Josh's house for the first time. We were playing the Mechwarrior 2 demo when it crashed in on me that I'd seen it before, that I'd been in his house before, even though I really hadn't. I'd dreamed it almost two years ago when I was still in Middle School. I was still a good year and a half away from meeting Josh, or even being in the public school where he attended class.

What shall I make of this, I wonder? More thought is required.

Hmm? What? What's that?

Holy God, we're set to finish up this month at a surplus! That's unprecedented. I don't know what to do with myself.

I want to chase this feeling, if we can. Really knuckle down and save some money, then be able to kill some bills (no pun intended) later this year. If you think about it this is fairly impressive for us. Just finishing up the holiday season, birthdays, college, a veritable plethora of additional expenses, and we still came out on top stronger than usual. Pretty sweet deal all things considered.

In other news, I set myself a goal of figuring out what to do with my spare time, things that would enhance my life rather than leech it. I did honestly give the matter a great deal of thought, and the honest answer is that I have simply drawn a blank on this quandary. I know the things I'd *like* to do: Get in shape, write a book, but those things are neither new or immediate. So, back to the drawing board. "If at first you don't succeed" and all that.

Been watching a bit of Star Trek lately. I'm increasingly of the opinion that life would be so much better with a holodeck.

Tattoo-ine

I surprised one of my friends, I think, when I expressed interest in getting a tattoo. She made the accurate point that I had never before mentioned such a desire, and of course she is right. Besides my wife, who has only heard this desire voiced twice, no one has ever before heard me say, "You know, I think I'll let someone drill ink on me."

The full scoop is this: I have wanted a tattoo for a long time. However, I see no point in actually *getting* one--or, indeed, even talking about getting one--until I have lost all the weight I want to lose. Those things are sensitive to changes in body weight as I understand it, as the skin changes shape and the ink moves around as a result.

How did Robin Willams put it? "You get the tattoo of the barbed wire now, and by the time you're eighty, it's f%#*in' picket fence."

So, if I do manage to achieve the ideal form of me, as is my desire, getting that ink done will be one of a few things I plan to reward myself with.

As for what image I plan to use, well... one springs to mind.

*turns key* - BrrrRrrRrrrrRrrrrrRrrr...

I haven't updated my blog in a while, obviously. The reasons are fairly sound: Nothing to write about. That's not exactly true, of course. There's been stuff going on. Christmas happened. So did the new year. My wife's back to college. My cat had pneumonia. The list goes on like that.

The problem with me and blogging is that all of that stuff, while significant to *me* and most certainly to my spouse, doesn't truly strike me as the kind of thing anyone else wants to read about. They moved my desk at work. I completed Valkyria Chronicles. I'm playing Pirates of the Burning Sea and having a great time. Cool for me, but does anybody else give a flyin'? Fairly certain that the answer to that is no. :)

I think the reason I take blog breaks is because part of me would like to wait for something worth writing about to happen, or at least a noteworthy thought to strike me. I'd take either at this point; life has been hum-drum long enough.

Jessica stayed home sick today. I was torn; I wanted to stay home with her, but I couldn't think of an adequate reason beyond, "I want to stay home and take care of her." If we were slow at work I might have gone ahead and done it, but we're busy as hell and likely to stay that way for a good long while. Call it responsibility, call it fear of job loss, whatever the reason I'm at my desk today when I'd rather be home looking after my wife.